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Right now, this loss is almost too difficult to express. My kitty was 16. Very healthy. No arthritis and no cataracts. She was a beautiful calico. She was always a little shy and timid and very introverted. She had come out of her shell in recent years and was very social. I got a service dog. It has come from a rough past. But is completely trained. I still cannot reconcile the sweet loving dog into the monster I saw on the day CHER died. Cher just jumped off her chair in the den to go to her room. For some reason, it triggered something in my sweet dog and she chased her down. While we fought to make her drop my kitty she had her in her teeth, by the neck, shaking her. There was so much blood. I got the dog off using things I had learned to do and kitty was bleeding from a puncture wound in her neck. I immediately put pressure on it with a towel and started calling emergency vet. Her eyes were already vacant. Her legs moved a few times and then she died in my arms. I am grief stricken. Heartbroken.my soul is crushed. It hurts so badly inside. I feel so guilty. I did not protect her. I am so broken inside. From losing her. But even more so, the WAY she died. Violent, painful and scared. This should have never ever happened. I have no idea why it did and probably never will. I will forever carry the guilt of what I did and didn't do. When the dog first came, she wasn't used to cats. She did actually attack her about 1 1/2 years ago. She injured her leg. I was urged to rehome her by my family but the experts all said to train her. So I did. We worked extensively with her and the cat. But the kitty stayed nervous after that. There were no more incidents in that 1 1/2 years. No idea why it happened again. If I had just listened to my family and rehomed the dog the first time, this would have never happened. This was Cher's home for 16 years. She was my primary. She should have never had to live her last years being scared. And definitely not dying like that. It is like a movie reel playing over and over in my head. I can't turn back time, but how I wish I could. I would dump the dog like a hot potato to a new loving home with no animals and no small children. She is usually such a sweet loving funny dog. But she basically murdered CHER. They say it's instinct not murder. They also say if they have them by their neck shaking them they are trying to kill them. So imo it was nothing short of murder. Cher was such a sweetie. She was one of the most purring and loud purring kitty I have ever known. It was really funny. But every time I went to the bathroom she'd come running. She'd put her front paws on my legs and then jump on my lap. I always thought it was cute and funny. I really miss that already. In the morning, she would come get in bed. She'd rub her head on my head lovingly purring. We would cuddle and kiss. She would meow right in my face if she was hungry. Every morning when I wake up and she's not there, I cry. I Have a hard time getting up because I have to face life without her. I won't be giving her a thyroid pill and treat and then her meowing and following me to go give her food. I cleaned her water and changed the litter box. Now my mornings feel so empty without her. For the moment, the dog is still here. I have no other animals. I don't know if I can ever forgive her. But then I'd grieve deeply and feel guilty if I did so. I'm waiting on that decision because right now is all about CHER. Grieving for her, trying to make amends and facing the guilt I have for ever bringing the dog in the house and not keeping her safe. I pray she is in Rainbow Bridge with no hole in her neck and no pain and that she doesn't remember those last minutes. I want her to look down and see me and how much I love her and always will.
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