June 17, 2020 - this is the date you left me. We were COVID 19 buddies together all the time. I thank Dear God for that time with you. I loved helping you & being with you all day every day...it feels like my arm is missing & my heart bleeds every day.I just thought & prayed that you might live with me forever. I just see you everywhere..so many things about you are so special & you will live on forever here with me..always in my heart & soul.... "A Gathering of Blossoms in My Arms" "..Cujo Kitty Kat you are a gathering of blossoms in my arms, Your tender sweet adorableness works magical love on me, I know no other being who can make me feel so. When I take you in my arms at night & hold you close to my body you are a gathering of blossoms in my arms..SO soft, gentle, purring & content..And ever since these arms knew of you they cannot let go of you.....I know I will never know another who can feel so soft & dear & is such a part of me again.." Your favorite time was night time as you slept all day long....you would come up your little steps & wait for me to take you in my arms & there we would be together every night. You would come and go and sometimes nudge my chin for food or a kiss...I always responded so we were up off & on most nights. I just loved every moment with you. My little Lord Fauntleroy as you walked like a very regal prince your long orange & white fur moving softly. You were always a quiet kitty but on occasion would come around the corner & a loud meow would echo in the room.. of course I would grab you up! You were not a lap cat because your hips gave you trouble but you did love to be held standing up... Then at night when I wanted you to visit me I would sing the Bushel and Peck song &t you loved it so much you would come....I love you a bushel & a peck you be your purdy neck I do...I would repeat it 3x with your name how you loved it!I still sing it to you everyday now!& of course I cry..You were 5 yrs old when I saw you the first time. I knew you were meant to be with me. that first night you slept right beside me. You wanted to be the only kitty...kinda wish I had done it that way but you had a brother who was part of the same adoptable family and he was so lonely that I went back and got him and brought him home 5 days later. He was Lestat our black mini panther. You did not like each other. Even though you had lived together for those 5 years you were not buddies. Did not take long to figure that out. And you were so p....When I realized that my heart was broken but I could not take Statie back & never would....it took about 2 yrs for you to become friendly....and even then you were not really close. I pray now that you are both together you will be inseparable & that you will find Inky Dinky Do & Puddy & all of you be brothers & wait for me there.Because when I see you all it will be a blessing of a life.Cujee I am so sorry I did not just keep you as the only kitty & I am so happy we did have two years together before you had to leave me. I adore my Statie & miss him too & miss both of you so badly my heart breaks. It was such a wonderful life with you guys. I am so lonely for you Cujee. But God was good & we had our special time. You are my Creamsicle, my gushagush#3, My Cujee, my "gathering of blossoms in my arms" My bushel & a peck, my dearest furry love.The only thing that makes me peaceful inside is that all the things that were wrong are healed & you are feeling good my angel. Your mouth is healed, your heart is healed, your lungs are healed, your kidneys are healed, your arthritis is gone & the lump in your eye is healed &you do not need any subq fluids or meds. You are healthy & beautiful & happy you are just missing me like I am missing you.You know my baby even when you were sick you looked so beautiful & were so bright & loved your life. It was not right that you had to go but your little lungs could not handle fluid & I could not stand to see you suffer any more episodes..You should have lived another 5 years....but I try to put that thought out of my mind if I can because it breaks my heart in two.I know you did not want to leave that day....you wanted me to rescue you again as I had so many times before....you were a strong guy & a true trooper each & every time....& on we would go & on I would go praying for a miracle! You were always cheery & made me so happy. So now COVID goes on I am older & a risk & you are not here...life is very sad & lonely. It is now July 6th & still I cry for you...I will for a long long time. Not sure I can do this again...I wish you would come back...please? How we loved each other Oh how I love you still...be happy & healthy my dearest heart & know that Mommie misses you every moment of every single day....I will be talking to you my Cujo Kitty Kat...chin kisses to you lovey... 7/11/20 Hi baby..oh Cujee life is just so awful without you in it. The night is the hardest when you dont jump up the steps to me and we cuddle..I wait for you Cuje so come whenever you can. Please do not be sad just feel good and be happy that is what Mommie wants for you. That is the only way I could ever let you go away from me. My only peace is in knowing that all your illness is gone and you are a happy little fur person....I adore you and my heart breaks every time I wake to another day without you...the tears are still falling all the time..chin kiss and nose kiss my Kitty Kat.I love you a bushel and a peck you bet your purdy neck I do...always and forever 8/1/20 My Cujee you have been gone 46 days and still mommie sobs for you every night. I love you a bushel and a peck and I love you without end..I knew it would be lonely without you so I could never think about it. Would not let myself but it is so much worse than I ever thought it could be. My heart aches for you. My arms reach for you at night my Cujo and you are not there.I have a stuffed animal to help me soothe myself but it does not work it just seems to make it worse. My heart is broken in two and all I want and think about and dream on is YOU.Please please come and visit me any time. Just let me know you are better now and will be happier soon. I know you are upset too but do not be because we will be together in a few years forever and ever and ever!!I will never let you go once I get you back again. I am so sorry I ever left you in my life with you. If I could do it over my baby I would never go. My heart and soul adore you and I am here for you when you want to come. Your beds and all your stuff is till here and will be for a long long time.I even have your favorite snack in your little dish if you should want some. I know I am crazy but I do not care about that because I am crazy about YOU. Chin kiss my precious see you I pray in my dreams.XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 8/12/20 = Baby you have been gone for 9 weeks it is 9 Wednesdays ago that you left at 9PM...every Wed I relive that night and sob my heart out. Holding your cool little nose in my hand as we sat outside and I held you to me. It has not gotten any better you are missed every day and some days I go along OK and then I turn and see you there but you are not there...how do I deal with that? I pray you are well and know how much I want you to be good and happy.I would never let you go angel unless it was good for you. Please come and see me when you can. I just want to know you are OK? I want to see your beautiful nd handsome face staring right at me. Please come.....I hold you in my arms every night like that gathering of blossoms so soft and loving.....nothing will ever ever replace you Cujo. Never..... love you Cujee Mommie Loves Cujo Kitty Kat. Chin kiss my creamsicle and nose butt too..Be happy for Mommie want you to. hugs all over you from meOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO August 17, 2020 - Oh my heart you have been gone for two months and still I cry so hard for you and I miss you so much. I sing to you all the time I hope it helps you to know how much I adore you and wish you could come back to me forevermore. Cujo you are the kitty of my heart and I can sometimes feel you here but please come to me in a dream and let me know that you are healthy and getting happy. I am not happy and probably wont be ever but my memories of you are so happy and I carry them in my heart and will forever until I can hold you close to me and never ever let you go. I did not want you to go but your heart and your lung did not want to work anymore and I could not tolerate your feeling any pain or distress. Please know my love that if I could have saved you I would have again and again and again to infinity.... I love you so much I cuddle you at night and pray you hear me singing. Love me back but please be happy....my creamsicle....chin kisses all night long baby. 9/17/20 - Hello my creamsicle, my Cujee angel of my heart and soul. I love you and I miss you so much every day. I still cry when I see your spot in the kitchen where you would come when you were hungry. How I yearn for you to come out to me. Cujee my heart breaks without you. I have had many babies but I just wanted you forever with me. I hoped and prayed that you would be with me for 20 years but that was not God's will. I made decisions based on what others wanted me to do. If I had done what I thought was good for all of us you would still be here and I would never have moved you across country. I am so sorry for that. Because I would rather have you than all of them put together. And so now I am so terribly lonely and totally empty and just miss you. I save two kittens I did not really want to but I did the right thing again. They make me miss u more. Please know that they could never ever replace you and they do not. They make me cry for you every night. But I need to stop crying and I need to get happy for a few years before I go. So please if you see me not crying do not believe that I do not miss you, because I do every blessed moment of the day. I am trying to give these kittens some life but it is hard. They are so sweet but so crazy and frenetic and I am just maybe too old. you and i were just right. Three months ago at this very hour you left me and I let you go. PLEASE MY DARLING KNOW THAT I DID NOT WANT TO LET YOU GO. BUT YOU WERE SO UNCOMFORTABLE AND COULD NOT BREATHE THAT I HAD NO CHOICE. i AM SO SO SO SO SORRY. i HELD ON TO YOU FOR AS LONG AS i COULD STAND WITHOUT TOTALLY BREAKING DOWN WHICH I did when I got home and am still doing. You are the angel of my heart and it makes me smile to think that maybe you feel good and are getting to be happy with friends and Statie and Amy and those other friends you had when I rescued you. I will alwwys be your Mom and I will grab you first when I get there and never let you go. I love you more than anything or anyone else now and forever. My heart breaks but please be happy feel good and wait for me for I will be looking for you. I Love You Bushel and a Peck you be your purdy neck I do..You are a GATHERING OF BLOSSOMS IN MY ARMS EVERY NIGHT. Chin kiss my angel....Mommie loves Cujo Kitty Kat forever. 9/27/20 hello my creamsicle. How I love and miss you still and always will Cujee. I hold you at night and I sing your song to you every day, Please know my baby that I love you so much and miss you so much. I still see you everywhere. We have new kittens here to keep me company but they make me miss you even more. I hold you to my heart and soul forever and I hug your pillow. I wanted you to stay forever and be my forever kitty. I know you feel better and that makes me so happy. I just miss you so much....Chin kiss....I love you a bushel and a peck you be your purdy neck I do!!! October17, 2020...My angel you are gone from me for four months now and still I cry and cry for you... Hi my sweet baby angel! It is four months ago tonight that you left us. It feels so terrible still. I miss you I love you and I forever thank you for being the love of my life for all those years. Cujo no one will ever be you no matter what you may see from where you are. Mommy needs to help other poor kitties who need a home but that does not replace you in any way. No one could ever be you. And my heart and arms and eyes yearn for you and only you. I hope you feel wonderful and I hope you are happy and free. Wait for me when I see you I will never put you down again. I will hold you to my heart and soul like that gathering of blossoms so soft and real and my Cujo angel Kitty Kat. I still cry for you my Creamsicle and I always will on the 17th of every month forever. Be well and come to see me please I would so love it.I love you a bushel and a peck you bet your purdy neck I do.... 12/8/20 Hello my angel. I love you and I miss you so much. I am OK I hope you feel good and are happy with your friends. You are always missed and I always think of you on the counter. I see your beautiful face. Mommie loves you so very much. If only I could hold you to me one more time and feel you come up to me at night my gathering of blossoms... You have been gone 6 months and it still hurts and I cry for you. I hold you to me and I sing to you in my heart. This is still your house so please come to see me when you can. My Cujee my lovee my creamsicle be happy and wait for me to hold you and never let you go.Be well my angel and watch over Mommie. I will be back soon to tell you again how much I adore you. I love you a bushel and a peck you bet your purdy neck I do ...forever... 12-17-20 My angel you are gone 6 mos today and I cry for you every night. Sometimes I can feel you on my legs and on my bed. I pray it is you. You are magic Cujo and no one will ever ever replace you. Your special way has endeared you to my heart and I miss your long deep looks and your sweet little requests when you would walk out to the kitchen because you were hungry. Oh I would give anything to see you walk toward me on the bed for our cuddle at night. My heart just misses you so much. I pray you are happy now and with your friends maybe Lestat and maybe people who you were with before me. Be happy my love and know you are my forever kitty always in my heart my mind and my home. These new kittens just make me miss you more. If only it were you. I love and adore you my Cujo Kitty Kat creamsicle. 12-25-20 Merry Christmas My love...how I wish you were here with me. We never got to be together on Christmas and I would so love that. Now with Covid I am home unable to travel and you and I could have been together. I pray we still are. Be here. I have a little tree you would love. January 1, 2021 - Cujee we got thru 2020 the year of the pandemic and it is a new start. Happy New Year my love......to start a new year without you is heartbreaking but I am trying to be strong knowing that you feel better and that you are going to be very happy and wait for me. But do not ever forget to come to visit me especially at night when I can gather you into my arms. How I treasure those memories...be happy my sweetie run and play and do not worry about a thing. Mommie loves her Cujee so so so much. It is Feb 8 my angel and still I cry in my heart for you. there is no one like you my creamsicle. I pray now almost 8 mos later that you ae well and happy and with Statie and Inky running free and watching over me. I talk and sing to you almost every day I pray you hear and that you know thAt I NEVER WANED TO LET YOU GO. I ALWAYS WANT YOU HEAR WITH ME FOREVER. PLEASE ALWAYS BELIEVE THAT. NO ONE EVER TAKES YOUR PLACE, BE WELL AND KNOW HOW MUCH YOUR MOMMIE LOVES YOU AND MISSES YOU. March 14, 2021 - Happy Birthday My Cujee you were 15 on March 4,the day I found you and took you home with me. Such a happy day for me to have you with me. I was so happy so please always stay with me Cujo no matter what. I am thinking of you my angel and sending you kisses and holding you close to my heart. My heart loves you so much my Cujee.oh my sweetest angel you have been gone for 9 months now and still I cry for you. No one ever takes your place. You are my special angel and right by my bed with me every night. see your eyes and your white fur and sleep with dreams of you and me. I remember you in the airport when we were moving you were so good yet so afraid and just stayed with me all the way. How I miss you in the sunny doorway and bedroom window. How I miss you on the counter and in the cubby by my closet. those places will never ever be the same. You are my heart and it is broken. But be happy and be fun and you and Statie go and meet others and wait for me to hug you again. I will never let you go ever.Cujo Kitty Kat I adore you and please come to visit me at night on the bed.XO June 17, 2021.. My angel you are gone a year ago today and still I weep for you and miss you so much. You are in my home everywhere I look...pictures looking at me I pray you are happy and with Statie and Inky and Puddy. Miss me a little and come to see me when you can. I will always and forever hold you in my heart. I look at you every night before I go to sleep. My creamsicle, my Cujee. I love you and I miss you with all my being. Spread your beauty and joy where you are. Please know my dearest love that you will always and forever be in my heart and I will forever see your precious little face looking up at me after your bath and you were half your size because of all the very beautiful thick fur you carried on your body. How I love to brush you and take care of you. You were always so good and so dear. I miss you so much words cannot express it. I love you. Be happy. Mommie is always here when you need me. Dec 28 2021 - Merry Christmas my creamsicle, my Cujee. Oh baby how I miss you. I keep your pic on the sink and on Christmas I lost it and cried for you because I found a bag of the pasta you loved so much. I used to make it with butter and cheese for you every night no matter what time it was. You loved it. You would come look in and up at me for it....How I adore you Cuje and my heart just aches to hold you. Be happy where you are with Puddy, Inky and Statie. And Mommie always loving you down here. Watch over us and your new brother and sister.And we will love you every single day. Be well my little man and know Mommie never ever forgets Cujo Kitty Kat. 7/10/23 hello my angel I miss you I look at your picture every day it hangs over the sink and next to my bed forever I will love you no matter who else is here. Nose kisses my baby mommy is hugging you..be happy wait for me!!*

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