Welcome to Koko Macadamia KitKat's Rainbow Residency

Memories of Koko Macadamia KitKat

KoKo, It's been a very long hard week. I am so sorry I needed to help you die tonight. I wish I could have made you well. I was so relieved when the cardiologist consultation came back negative, the endoscope did not confirm a mass, and frightened when I heard the diagnosis of laryngeal hemiplegia, laryngeal edematous with a confirmation of respiratory distress. Then came the fever, the infection and the vomiting. I kept hoping with each emergency vet trip this week, we would "get over the hump" as we successfully did two years ago. I wanted the fluids, supplemental feedings, medications, trip to Iowa State VTH, and finally the hospitalization to have a healthy outcome for you. I'm glad for the evenings I had to visit with you to hold you while you were hospitalized, especially last night. It terrified me when I discovered jaundiced in your ears. My hope I might get to bring you home was dashed but not gone. I elected the exploratory surgery today to ensure there wasn't anything which could be treated before I made the decision to let you go. I'm sorry for the pain it brought into your final hours. KoKo, you were my most favored cat in my life and will always be, my true BEST FELINE FRIEND. There will be other cats, there were other cats but only one you....I am honored our life paths crossed and you became my feline soul mate. I know the moment you chose me. I chose you December 27, 1989. You stayed in your carrier with a glove box litter pan along with a tiny bowl of food and water. On December 30th you began to meow. I sat in front of your carrier to talk to you. You came out and climbed into my lap. You began to lick my face and rub against my chin as you loudly purred. You chose me and our bond was sealed. For years to come you would give me a lick kiss when asked then lower your head for a kiss on top of your head in return. There were many times you climbed upon my chest purring ever so loudy to sleep. I could never disturb you and truly felt your total trust. To know you'll never sit to watch a TV program or simply just be with you perched in a total state of relaxation on my chest or awaken to see you silently peering into my eyes as you sit on my chest is difficult to imagine. The last time you climbed on my chest purring was on Mother's Day 2007.....tears silently began to fall as I silently questioned just how many more times this is where I would find you. When you were in the car with me, you would climb into my lap resting on my arm looking out the window, sometimes relaxing your head on my shoulder and sometimes this was just a time of saying, "you're special, I love you." When I drove you to the vet, I held you curled up in my arm against my chest. You were so quiet and limp, I would try to see if you were breathing in the little light in the darkness when stopped at a red light without disturbing you reminded of just how comfortably you trusted me and accepted comfort. I have wonderful memories of playful moments, cuddly purrs, lazer chases, and our long time "come and get me game." I loved your play with "snake" and your attachment to "mouse." A Q-tip came to life when you were given one. Your later years favorite was "paw" with catnip. I remember when you were only weeks old and would stroll across the beams from the loft bedroom over the living room to jump on top of the bookshelves. I would cringe and you were fully enjoying yourself. You could jump heights many times your own when playing with the 'Da bird. You would climb up to the top of the bookshelves' then jump on my back or shoulders to get back down. In the early mornings I heard a golf bowl rolling and bumping into things in the kitchen as you played "kitty kitchen golf." The tennis ball became a favorite to kick between your paws..which you learned from Shadow. You waited for the mail and bills to be paid as you liked to lick the glue on the envelopes and stamps. Before having your favored wicker basket, all shoe boxes were designated for you. You were so tiny you could curl up and sleep in the smallest of shoe boxes. You had the gene to have a great response to catnip, you were immediately on a "kitty high" until you crashed. You romped, rolled, played and ate the catnip. Grass was also a special delight of yours. I'll miss growing catnip and grass for you. You had a special blanket to ly on during the winter and it became your blanket. It's the same age as you and looks much more ragged than you ever were. You loved chasing my finger or toys as you hid under it. As it became worn with holes, I would put it over you and would play with me through the holes and play with the dangling ends. The blanket is now about 1/3 of it's orginial size. I have carefully washed it infrequently so it would not fall apart. One of my favorite pictures of you is the blanket over your head with your face showing. This blanket provided warmth, security, a jungle gym of sorts and a place for pretend hide and seek. It remanants along with your wicker basket will always bring sweet memories of you. You were most intelligent...especially good at behavioral modification. You had me trained very early. You could get me to do what you wanted and I would find myself asking how did you get to me to do "that." You were the vet when you quietly removed your sutures after being spayed...leaving one long string, I watched as you finished the job and took the string to take with you to see Dr. Meyers for your real vet appointment the next day. You were called, Dr. KoKo with humor. When I came home you gave me a lick kiss and smelled my breath. For a long time, I thought maybe you had attended the D.A.R.E program for greeting adolsecents returning home, then I realized you were doing a "what did you have for dinner" breath check. Either way, it was a reminder, I have had the privilege to live in the Kats' home all these years where you were the Princess of All! You were an excellent mother to Sunshine, Honey, Shadow, Sami and Blue Angel. They never forgot you as their mom. You groomed Shadow for many years, and sometimes corrected Sami when you though guidance was necessary. You were nurturing and most protective. You put Honey and Sunshine behind the bookshelves only to discover you could not ly down with them..you awaken me in the middle of the night for help to get to them.... you put Shadow, Blue Angel and Sami in bed with me when they were a week old. I was so afraid I would roll over on them that I hardly slept that week. When it was time to wean, you would joined the "Fed Me Now Meowing Melody" from the kittens when I would get home from work as if louder would mean food faster. Shadow wanted to nurse beyond time to wean, I would find you hiding with Shadow to let him nurse. I was with you when you grew to tired to chew the cords. You were very trusting as I cut the cords and placed your crying kittens to you. Once snug with you, they were content. Unfortunately, you had to say goodbye to Honey, Sunshine and Shadow. I think you had so much life in you and you still wanted to live. You always were more like a kitten than not. Your body refused to cooperate. I would have done anything for a different outcome. Now, I wish I could go to bed and have you purring beside me tonight, you snugg in your basket with "paw" with your paw on my hand or your head against mine like you often did. Thank you for all the wonderful years. I love you. I am so sorry to be memorializing you rather than spending time with you. It was very hard to let you go. I kept you as long as I could tonight knowing this would be our last time together. I just wanted to hold, love and kiss you. The morphine dimmed your alertness but you knew I was with you. When I knew you were having pain even with the morphine, I had to let you go. I am so glad you peacefully just went to sleep in my arms as Dr. Berger helped. He was mostly kind and listen to memories of you and shared some of his own of his favorite Dog, Bask. I will always love you and hope you would evaluate your life as a good one. I don't know what life will be without you....certainly different with an absence like a huge black hole. I brought you home for Sami and Blue Angel to tell you goodbye, Sami sniffed in your ears, nuzzled and laid down beside of you for a few minutes. Blue Angel said goodbye in her own way. I love you little one. Be in Peace. I'm never saying Goodbye, I'll say thanks...I love you forever, The BEST of my Feline FRIENDS. I love you! June 16, 2007: KoKo's Cremation As planned I picked KoKo up from the vet's office at 4:00 A.M. You were given back to me wrapped in your blanket as I had wrapped you and returned you to the vet's office after giving Sami and Blue Angel a time to say good bye May 30, 2007. You had "Paw" a small paw shaped Christmas stocking filled with catnip between your front paws. "Paw" had been your favorite for several years. I placed you in a new cooler for the 4 hour journey to Chicago After about 20 minutes I stopped and took you out of the cooler I wanted to be with you as I was aware this would be the last time I would see you. At this time, seeing/touching you deceased was better than not seeing/touching you at all. I held you wrapped in a blanket so I could see your head and face exposed in my arms as I drove to Chicago. At times I petted your head and neck stroking your soft fur. Other times, I just glanced at you. At the toll road booths, I covered your head as I paid. I talked to you thanking you for your life, for choosing me and for accepting and receiving unconditional love. I took a picture of you in my arms and it has turned out to be precious. I think I'll treasure it along with all your pictures. Somehow, you and I both crossed specie boundaries and became connected as if we were of the same. I know I was as much cat to you as you were human to me. I don't find it explicable, I do know it was intense, positive, appreciated, and unique and very special. We arrived at the crematorium, a man whose name I never heard approached the entrance as I arrived with your body. My heart felt heavy, I started to cry as I really wanted to tell him to go away....he just stood by silently. I knew it was his respectful greeting. I rewrapped you in your blanket to be nicely presented while keeping an eye on this man. It felt as if he came to take something not belonging to him. The minute I closed the car door, we made eye contact, he nodded his head and I knew I was to go with him. He took me into the chapel area and let me know someone would be with me. I looked around, it was a simple place but nicely decorated. Adjoining double doors connected to the crematorium and a viewing window from the chapel to the crematoy to the left. There were shelves of Urns and other items to memorialized a special friend. Soft music was playing and a candle was glowing. Mr. (?) came in, politely greeted me and we sat at a table to review plans as I held you. He gave me a booklet "Goodbye My Friend," prayer cards with your name, personalized Rainbowbridge Poems, Cat Angel Pin, St. Francis Pedant and your Certificate of Cremation. I sign the consent forms and excuse myself to go to the restroom. When I returned, you were nicely displayed on a viewing table with your blankets around you, with your head and front paws visible. A small white rose and a red carnation were lying by you. Behind you were two large vases of mixed cut flowers, a garden statute, an decorative candle and a Cherubim holding a candle. An impression for a pawprint was made. Two locks of fur were taken and placed in the "Goodbye My Friend," booklet. Memories were shared and photographs were taken. I took photographs of you with a picture of you when you were healthy nearby. I placed some of your lifetime favorite toys around you and took pictures. I had your favorite toy, worm, when you was 3-5 years old. It's like the velveteen rabbit story it was so loved and well used it doesn't quiet look right anymore....pieces missing from fun times of play and being loved. I then spend time alone with you again thanking you for your life and the fact I had the privilege of sharing your life for seventeen and one half years. I knew the time for me to see and hold your body was coming to an end and there would be a last kiss. I asked for a picture to be taken as I held you and giving you a final kiss. I was taken into the crematorium where I was shown a very clean empty crematory where you were to be cremated. I returned to the chapel area and handed you to Mr. ? and watched as he handed you, my KoKo, to the man who waited for us nearby the entrance. I watched as the switches were pressed to start the crematory. You were placed for your cremation. I stood in the window and watched as the man stood by the open door of the crematory after you were placed inside. He and I were both waiting. He was waiting for me to let him know to close the door and I was waiting for him to close the door as I didn't realize I was suppose to let him know when it was time to close the door. The door was closed and the biggest tears yet began to roll down my cheeks as I held your blanket. I stood watching and crying for some time as your cremation was occurring, I then went outside and walked a few minutes looking at the flowers, the chimney from the crematorium, and just felt the warmth of the sun. I returned to the window and stayed until your cremation was completed. The door was opened, I was taken to the crematorium to look in to see your cremation was completed. You were removed to cool. I choose two small bones to keep before your remains were processed. Your cremains were then placed in your urn. Mr. ? shared a picture of his family's Sealpoint Himalayan who you had reminded him of. We talked about some of the characteristics of the Himalayan. He walked me to my car. With a handshake, a nod and a moment of eye contact, we acknowledged the pain of grief. I placed KoKo's urn on the fireplace mantel along side her two kittens Sunshine and Shadow. This is such a sad time, I think words on the back of the booklet "Good-bye My Friend" says it best: "Grief is the price we pay for having loved. Through all the tears and the sadness and the pain of grief comes one thought that can make us smile again: we loved a particular animal dearly and that love was returned manyfold." No goodbyes my dear KoKo Macadamia KitKat, No Goodbye: I thank you for the life you shared with me, For choosing me unconditionally, for giving a treatured trust. Many thanks KoKo, My Best Feline Friend Ever, You will always live in my heart. Never a Goodbye, Forever my Thanks. I love you, KoKo Macadamia KitKat, I love you. ******************KoKo************************(Memory Card Poem) Born October 20, 1989 a tiny white kitten to grow into a beautiful petite Seal Point Himalyan Chosen December 27, 1989 fulfillment of a childhood wish initiating a transition from Christmas to Katmas Mother to Honey, Sunshine, Shadow, Sami and Blue Angel gentle, nurturing, protective, patient teacher of kittens Respected parental role, recognized as Mama Kat indefinitely unfortunate goodbye to Honey, Sunshine and Shadow Crossing specie boundaries without reserve human became feline, feline became human Reciprocal bond sealed by lick kisses and tranquil purr intense, positive, unique, appreciated inexplicable, honorable, extremely special Powerful playful energy with a touch of magic preferred game of chase, catch me if you can Early morning golf on kitchen tile whirlwind leaps for favored 'Da Bird Catnip the chosen antidote for pleasure eating, romping, rolling with frolicking delight Perched by window awaiting finch and hummingbird visit ground squirrel attentiveness of endless hours Batting at aquarium fish, drinking from betta bowl fearful of Tiger Hamster crusing in a run-about ball Seventeen years, seven months, ten days of precious life wicker basket left vacant with an uncanny absence No Good-byes, KoKo Macadamia KitKat, No Good-byes humble appreciation with great gratitude Life well shared, Best Feline Friend Ever **************************************************************** July 14, 2007: You became featured on your very own US Postage Stamp today......you licked many stamps when they still had glue for the adhesive, today you are on a stamp!!!!! .......Unable are the loved to die, for love is immortality Emily Dickson ***************************************************************** October 20, 2007 KoKo's 18th Birthday May 30, 2007 a bright light in my heart fluttered into darkness Comfortably held in my arms with gentle whispers "Go to sleep my little one, I love you, go to sleep." My Precious little KoKo left my physical presence forever The darkness promises to fade Memories recalled and cherished one by one Time away from the moment of loss drifts by Memorabilia created, touched and savored Yet the hurt of the darkness lingers in my heart Today, October 20, 2007 your 18th Birthday Memorial celebration of roses, catnip mouse and tennis ball Kitten food and toys shared, remembering your art of giving A candle placed in the window, a deep golden flame Shining through the darkness of all tomorrows night A symbolic glow of your forever presence within my heart. Happy Birthday, My dear KoKo, Happy Birthday. I love you!!!!! Please also visit Sugar, Tiger, Sunshine and Shadow Baby KitKat.

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