10/26/2011 - Five years later
Another sad anniversary, my beautiful golden boy. Five years have already passed since you lost your uneven battle with that human monster but for me it seems like the time stopped. Whenever I come to visit you here, just a look at your sweet face fills my eyes with tears. You look so sad, sweetie. You are but a puppy and yet I can read so much fear and pain in your eyes. Or is it because this photo was taken together with him. I couldn't stand his ugly evil face so I cut him out and I know this is what you would expect me to do it. An angel and a devil just don't go together, do they.
There are so many things I would like to say , little Mac. I won't ask you again if you are happy now knowing that you are remembered and loved by so many, I don't even know where exactly you are. But wherever you are you are safe, you can feel no evil anymore, you are free of pain. No one will harm you again, no one will steal your innocence and joy. There are so many questions I keep asking to myself and there are so many vague answers, but I have no doubt that one day I will meet you, and it doesn't matter where or how. I will take you in my arms, I will hold you tight and tell you again and again how very special and brave doggie you are,a true little hero. Many call you the Prince of furangels and this is what you are, Mac. You are such an amazing little golden boy and I love you with all my heart. And I am not the only one. There are my friends who helped me fight for your justice, Irene,Zara, Rich and Shari and there are so many others who visit you regularly. You finally got what you lacked through your short life. LOVE. I know it came too late, but through our love you live on, Mac. And you will live on until I join you one day.
10/26/2010 - Four years later
Mac's memories of his last hours
The garage is dark and cold, and smells of fear, dirt and urine. I know I shouldn't have relieved myself as it will make him even angrier, but I couldn't help it. It's been quite some time that I've been hanging here, my collar tied to the rafter, my legs barely touching the floor. My head still hurts so much from his many beatings. I keep asking God to make me a bird, so I can fly far, far away from here. But God seems to be very busy lately, as even He doesn't hear my silent cries for help.
I hear someone is coming. Not again, I pray. When the door opens I see it is her, my human mommy. She has finally come to save me!!!
Once she unties me, I think I am safe, that the torture is over. Even if my body hurts and I am still gasping for breath I start to act like the silly little puppy I am. I wag my tail and lick her hand with many doggie kisses hoping she will take me inside and give me some food and water. I am so thirsty, I haven't drunk or eaten all day. Perhaps she will even remember I need to be taken to the vet because of the many kicks and bruises the evil man caused with his boots. I know that my ribs are broken and that blood is filling my lungs and brain. My back is swollen and the world around me is becoming fuzzy. Maybe my shattered body can still be fixed and I can live a little longer, for I am still so young.
She pats my head, I can smell her fear so she must be afraid of him too. But I am with her now, she knows I will protect her no matter what. And I know she will help me too,she is my human mommy and mommys always protect their kids. I see she has a cell phone. Maybe she will call the police or one of our neighbours and they will come and make this nightmare stop and force the evil man to go.
But no, she is taking me back to my kennel even though she knows he could come back any minute. I try so hard to make her understand that I really am so tired and hurt, I don't know how much longer I could take his torture, my body aches all over, I haven't napped for hours. I look at her, my eyes pleading for mercy, they beg her to take me away before it is too late.She just sighs deeply, whispers I am sorry,and locks the door to kennel. She who was my last hope turned her back on me. I feel my eyes filling with tears. I finally realize that she too never loved me, that she is no better than him.
I hear a car, so he is coming back. In dead fear I try to hide myself,but there is no place to hide besides I am so tired. I move my body inch by inch; my legs are like jelly. I am still trying to convince myself I am being silly; after all, it wasn't my fault she had spent that money. Oh Lord, here he is now. He sees that I am in my kennel and opens the door. Rough hands grab me and take me away to the place I fear the most, that dark garage.
My legs are barely touching the ground, he hung me on that rafter again. I start chocking, I can taste blood in my mouth, I feel more blows coming, one after another, my ribs are already broken still he hits me again and again, I feel my innocent doggie dreams dying, dreams of a happy life, dreams of resting my head on someone's lap to be petted, and running and playing with my favorite toys. They will never come true now. So I silently bid goodbye to the sky and all its stars, the dear trees, flowers and the birds fying free. And when the final blow to my head comes my last thought is: What have I done? Was I really that bad?
My beloved angel boy, three years ago you left this cruel world, the world that caused you so much sadness and pain,your broken body finally free of long hours of indescribable torture and fatigue, and on this very day heaven got the brightest new star, the star that is shining like billions suns. And when at starry night I stare at space I am telling myself that you are up there somewhere, waiting for me and at the same time I am still looking for answer to a simple question WHY?
Why does God allow such evil? Why did he let you suffer for so long, where was He looking when your terrified eyes were pleading for mercy, why didn't he hear your silent cries, why didn't He do something, why didn't he make that monster stop. I know what people will say, it was not God, it was Devil himself in human disguise. And I know that my question will remain unanswered until I join you some day. The day when you will come running to me and I will finally see you. I know you will Mac, as wherever you are you must feel all my love, you must feel my pain, you must feel how very important part of my life you have become, that whatever I do is to honour you, your life and the legacy you left behind.
You were just a defenceless little doggie, Mac. In your short life you never hurt anyone, all you wanted was to play, to run or chase a ball, you longed to be cuddled or at least petted if not loved. But all these was denied to you, wasn't it Mac. How long were those hours you were kept in the kennel, what a lonely life it must have been from morning to night, day after day. How many times you were hiding, terrified of him, that hose, how many times you were kicked, beaten, choked....
I can't erase from my mind your last days in that garage. I know you hoped someone would come and save you, I know you counted on her, but she failed you and when you realized that, your hope died too. What were you thinking with your blinded eyes closed in that darkness, and how terrified and exhausted you must have been while waiting for his steps. Your body hurt beyond words, still you tried to hide fear because you knew it would make his blows even stronger and his rage even more uncontrolled. I will never forget what he did to you and I will never forgive. And I will never forgive her too.
Little Mac, I named my new dog after you. He is a golden too, the very picture of you if you ever had a chance to grow up. I will never know what brought me to you and later to him, and I have stopped searching for explanation, here too my reasoning let me down. But to me you are undeniable proof that everything happens with a reason. My friends think Puck thought it was time I shared my love with another dog, but it was not Puck, it was you. We both know that don't we, Mac. And when I walk Mac I walk you, when I feed him I feed you, when I cuddle him I cuddle you. And when I tell him how much I love him my words are meant to you too. You see my sweet boy, I don't have the power to restore your body and bring you back, but miracles do happen sometimes, real miracle occurs naturally when you love someone as I love you and Puck, my love for you inspires me daily and I thank you both for that.
You are a child of the universe now, Mac, no less than the sun, the moon and the stars.I long to see you one day, and I long to hold you in my arms, to speak to you softly, to thank you for giving me another life lesson, to tell you that you didn't live in vain.
As long as I live I will keep your memory alive.
I do love you Mac, very much. Rest in peace my sweet boy.
Memories of Mac
EULOGY TO OUR BRAVE LITTLE ANGEL BOY
Everyone has his personal hero, someone that he admires, someone who performs a courageous act and saves a life, someone who discovers a new truth or way of seeing or whose actions echo loudly in the world, someone whose name is grabbing headlines of world's newspapers.
My personal hero though is not a human being, my hero is just an innocent doggie, my silent hero are you, little Mac, whose tragic story was never meant to hit the headlines but rather go into oblivion. A most horrific crime had occured, but they both thought that as you were just a dog nobody would pay any attention to your death.
This is a true story of our angel golden boy who had never done anything wrong, whose only wish was to please his owners, who only wanted to be loved and taken care for, who only hoped to live his doggie dreams. It is the story of one of the most loving God's creatures who no matter how hard we try always give us back more.
This story is also about cruelty, betrayal, unspeakable suffering, indescribable torture and most agonising dying. It is a story of pure Evil, a story of a heartless man who came on this earth to bring nothing but destruction, the man who is a complete disgrace to a human race, a cowardly sub-human whose hands were obviously trained to kill those who can not defend themselves. It is the story of probably the most barbaric, brutal, sadistic and savage example of animal cruelty in the UK in the last decades.
The Welfare Officer who exhumed Mac's broken body was shocked by the extent of injuries visible on the dogs remains, a post mortem revealed these to be the tip of an iceberg of wanton brutality.
And at the same time this story is also about countless innocent, faceless, voiceless victims all over this cruel world. Mac's name is so a metaphor for all nameless animals who are daily brutally beaten, abandoned, abused, burned, shot, butchered, rapped, tested, exploited, tortured and slaughtered both in industry and our personal lives, for those who suffer tremendously and who are silently waiting for us to finally do something to ease their pain.
My little Mac, you too would have stayed buried in that garden, anonymous and completely forgotten unless at least one decent person of higher moral and ethics broke the silence and made one of the involved contact the police and in that way your brutal case became public. Still for some of us there are too many ambiguous facts and misleading details and as you being not here anymore I somehow feel you want me to speak out in your name. You may have been here only for a short while, still you left such a powerful legacy, the legacy that should never be forgotten by any of us. In your short life you never knew what love was, now you are loved by so many. As long as I am here your memory will never fade, it will remain and it will grow. It is the legacy you left to me and to each of those who really care.
Dearest Mac, you are probably the only one who knows how hard it was for me to go once again through all those heart wrenching articles and personal mails from my British and Irish friends. For animal lovers the issues about animal abuse is never pleasant thing to deal with, we are usally too sensitive and generally avoid hearing striking details of any suffering. The truth is too painful, yes. But someone had to do it if we don't want your excruciating pain and cruel dying had been in vain. You little doggie had no choice, nobody asked you if you were willing to go through that horrific torture, nobody questioned your readiness to die, nobody stopped the sick minded monster. You couldn't cry for help as you had no voice, so you just hung all alone from that rafter praying for mercy and a quick end. So I felt I would be the one to tell what was going on those two days in October, because I always believed in our proverb: to say nothing, to do nothing, stops nothing.
Sadly your tragic story received more attention than you had ever experienced in your short life. Your case is now known all over the world. I will never know what made that man so malicious, his injuries to you were not born out of hostile impulse only but out of deep seated meanness, from an inner need to satiate his satanic desires. I will never know what made him do it and I will never forgive.
25th -- 26th October, two years ago
It all started because of money, the money that wasn't even spent on your needs. I am trying not to imagine your utter horror when you heard their raising voices so familar to you and your canine instinct warned you he would be after you again. Because you knew what was coming, as it had happened before, not once but many times. You ran behind the house, you tried so desperately to squeeze into a corner behind the wall, hoping to make yourself invisible. With the signs of never ending hardship still imprinted all over your aching body you knew you had no chance, you knew he was so much bigger and stronger. You looked around for somebody to help you, but nobody would, sweetie, you were all by yourself again. You watched him coming closer, the look in his cold eyes made your small heart beat faster and faster, your body shrink with fear.
He reached for the garden hose, filled it with water, he called for her and told her to watch how you were going to drown. He sprayed the powerful water in your face, you started to cough and choke, your eyes pleaded for mercy and you already hoped God must have heard your silent prayers as he suddenly stopped. How could have you known that his malicious mind was already planning another way of torture, this time to break your body and spirit forever.
He picked you up and took you into that garage. He tied you by your choker chain from the rafters and left. You were hanging there, in that dark garage, all alone and scared, your paws barely scratching the floor, your mouth agaped struggling for breath, your innocent eyes moisted with hidden tears. Still with your brave heart you hoped that she would come to untie you, you longed so much to see the door open, hoping she would save you, but your hopes were in vain. All you heard was his heavy footsteps and there he was again. You couldn't move, your body being tied to that rafter, your lungs fighting for breath. This time he put on his heavy steel toe capped boots, and while you were still hanging he started to kick you again and again. You felt your ribs breaking, you whined and wept, but he wouldn't stop, would he my angel, the coward was enjoying too much with inflicting such indescribable pain to your tired, defenceless little body.
Finally he left you half-conscious, still your excellent canine hearing told you that he drove away and filled you with another hope that it was finally over, you longed she would come now and take you somewhere safe, somewhere he wouldn't find you, maybe even to someone who would heal your body and take care of your many bruises and broken ribs.
And she came, didn't she, Mac. She, who you believed would be your saviour, opened the door. You were so happy to see her and when she untied you, you gathered the last strength left in your exhausted body and to let her know how much you appreciated her coming you even wagged your tail and licked her hands.
She patted your head but wouldn't take you anywhere safe but straight back to the kennel. She ignored your silent plea. She pretended not to see your many bruises, the blood still running from your mouth, your legs barely walking. She had a chance, dear Lord offered her a choice but she rejected his offer, thinking only of her own safety. It would take just a short call and you would have been safe, why she didn't grab the chance she had I will never understand. But then you already knew there was little hope you would make it this time.
You were back in the kennel again, all alone, still in paralysing shock, your body beaten, your heart racing and your breath short, your eyes fighting with tears and your innocent soul filled with such deep sorrow, still wondering what you had done this time to make him so angry, but there was no answer. Because you didn't do anything, my angel boy, you were just a sacrifice lambie of the most malicious mind I have ever heard of. And you knew all the time he would be back soon, too soon.
Words do really come short when describing what you went through in those long fifty hours, my little Mac. Each time I imagine what you were going through I break down. The psychopat came back, took you out of the kennel and tied you to the roof again, all the time kicking you, hitting you with a boulder, with his satanic mind he laughed and mock you. He didn't want to destroy only your body he also wanted to break your spirit, but here he failed, Mac. You fought back with your inborn canine dignity. Your body was covered with bruises, your back swollen, the blood already flooding your lungs and brains, your eyes blinded, still you were hanging there proudly, watching him and waiting for the last blow.
And finally after countless hours of inexplicable torture you saw angels slowly descending towards you in that amazing glow of the Moon, bringing from above echoes of divine mercy and love for you, my baby. And when the final blow did come you didn't feel pain anymore. You just closed your eyes and left angels lift your broken body, softly and with so much tenderness, carrying you to another world, free of pain and human evil mind.
And all that time God was watching and watching, his eyes sad seeing another human betrayal over one of his beloved creatures. Angels took you right to Him and put you in His lap. He opened his arms and smiled, saying: Come to me, little Mac, you are home now.
My sweet Mac, I told you so many times how deeply sorry I am for what happened to you. I still cry whenever I look at your photo, your sad, soulful eyes are breaking my heart over and over again. If I could perform a miracle I would bring you back to this world, I would embrace you with healing powers to make you healthy and strong again. In most mysterious way God decided you became part of my life and I hope you feel I accepted you with such a warm embrace and so much love. I know you are happy where you are now, you are surrounded by light so very different from this earthly place, you have finally found so much love and compassion, true love that makes no demands, imposes no conditions, sets no restrictions. And what is most important, you are not an anonymous victim anymore.
If my life went on the same without the spiritual presence of you Mac, who have died as a martyr, I could only conclude that the life I celebrate here on your memorial site made no contribution, filled no space, meant nothing. The fact that you did leave behind a place that cannot be filled by anyone is my highest tribute to you, Mac. Life can be the same after a trinket has been lost, but never after the loss of such a treasured and brave doggie.
Cruelty to animals has cursed the human race for countless ages. We are supposed to live in a civilised society, where violence should be the law of primitive nature. Each of us on this site has a special bond with our pets, for us they are more than just a pet, we view them as family members. When we lose them a part of us die. But there are so many others in the so-called outside world who play their sadistic crafts of animal abuse, animals exploitation, subjugation and murder, animals who never felt human love, animals nobody mourns when they die. And there are also others who seem to be oblivious to the tremendous cost to our innocent victims and at the same time to our own souls. Let's not forget that it is never wrong to do the right thing. And fighting for voiceless animal rights is the righteous thing of all.
When we let people harm the animals, we are also hurting ourselves, we show disrespect for what God created for us. We all long for the time when all animals get the rights they deserve but to achieve that we must do something. It's not just you and me; it's all people who really care. We must do it now, because if not now, then when? Each of us can do something; if we join our hands we can do everything.
The fight for Mac and all Macs of this world is not over yet. The very special young man from his country still needs our signatures. His goal is to achieve stricter animal laws and stricter sentences for all abusers. I know our Mac is his inspiration and Mac knows that without him his murderer wouldn't be in jail now. Bless you Aaron, and bless all those who have helped me with my own fight for little Mac's justice. I wouldn't have done it without invaluable help of Pressy's GP, Irene, Zara and my dear friend Shari, who encouraged me when I got too desperate. Shari once wrote to Mac's guest book that maybe angels will send Mac back to the Earth to see there are so many of us now who love him. In a way she predicted what really happened. My new dog is the very picture of our angel boy. He's a a rescue, a white golden and his name is Mac.
My special thanks goes to Ginny, due to her and this wonderful site Mac is happy now because he finally feels so much love. And to all people who spread the word about his petition site or added the link to it on their babys pages.
But my deepest heartfelt thank you goes to my beloved dog Puck. His love and the bond we still share is the greatest motivation that keeps me going in the right direction. He is and remains my biggest inspiration.
My little angel boy, you are in heaven now, cradled in God's arms covered with his love and with the love of all our babies who keep you company while waiting for us. Rest in peace my stoic, brave, little hero. I
Walk in eternal beauty now, Mac. We all love you so very much.
New Year Eve
Happy New Year my little angel, have a wonderful day in animal heaven together with all your friends. I am leaving for the woods now, and when the clock strikes midnight I will be there at Puck's grave waiting for your spirit to fly by. I will look at the sky searching for the brightest star, knowing it is you. Love you little Mac, more than any words can tell.
Little Mac, Maria Daines, a very popular singer from the UK with a golden heart wrote a special song just for you, baby. Like mine her heart was broken when she heard about your tragic life and most agonising dying. I can't think of the most beautiful tribute to you, my angel. May her words fill you with her and my love, may its tune be your forever lullaby, may all the anonymous and tortured babies at the bridge be comforted with peace and hope, and may this song keep us going with fighting to prevent such evil deed ever happen again.
Please also visit LAIKA DIES IN SPACE and Puck.