Oh So Many Memories..How when I would whistle or sing she would come running and sing..not a barking singing ..real crooning ..how she would try to say "I love you" with a deep throat gurgling, when I told her I loved her..Her favorite toys..Her Grey Plush Mousie.(which I sewed & sewed to mend it over the 9 years she had it).Her Blue rubbber ball..her yellow plush banana..her plush frisbee//How she loved her walks!!..How she slept nudged into the crook of my back at night in bed..Her joy in the morning when we got up and eating her 'Num-Num'.. her milkbone treats..hiding her bone..digging into her basket , for a safe hideaway..her love of riding in the car..Her love of greeting people at the door I had to pick her up in my arms..because she didn't like looking at their feet,She wanted to be higher and see visitors' faces.then if they stayed a while, she loved to jump up & sit on their laps..Boy! She was happy then!!She loved Buffy (my beautiful, lovable Shaded-Silver Persian pussycat, who passed away at 17 yrs. of age)...They slept curled up together..then a later arrival, Penelope.(a Black-Smoke Persian pussycat)..The 3 of them were inseparable.Chanel was a unique loving soul..sent to me by God..my Love , my Child, my Companion..How I miss you my Chan!!! I never imagined the day would come when she wouldn't be by my side.We had a deal, Chan, that we would always be together and you would never leave me.until we left this world together...I want you back Chan..Who is going to come and tell me "It's time to go to bed mummy!", like you did ? She was my reason to get up in the morning and my comfort at night when I slept..Now there is a deep deep empty void . No Chan No Chan. What will I do? How will I survive? God bless you and keep you my Dear Sweet Chanel and one day I hope to see you again when I finally go..http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2C1fFVry4Vo
I will never forget you my people//Reverend Carey landry
I will never forget you, my people;
I have carved you on the palm of my hand.
I will never forget you;
I will not leave you orphaned.
I will never forget my own.
2. Does mother forget her baby?
Or a women the child within her womb?
Yet even if these forget,
yes, even if these forget,
I will never forget my own
I will never forget you,
My children,
I have carved you on the palm of My hand,
I will never forget you,
I will not leave you orphaned,
I will never forget My own.
Does a mother forget her baby?
Or the woman. the child within her womb,
And even if these forget,
yes, even if these forget.
I will never forget My own.
See! I will not forget you
I have carved you
on the palm of my hand
Isaiah 49:15
Songs of New Life
By
Reverend Carey Landry
Monday, May 25/2009..I received your ashes last week my Darling Chanel.,and placed your Urn lovingly on my dresser, in my bedroom..near Momma's bed where you loved to sleep..How can it be..that all that is left of you is in that little white silk draw-string bag inside? Your name is lovingly engraved in the cover..I hold you still when I pick it up and squeeze you to my breast..Is this all there is?..I can't believe it..I hate the word 'death"..I hate it ..hate it...I am so glad to have you back..maybe a type of closure will come,gradually over time..But right now the pain is much too Raw..my heart is Bleeding..Aching..Hurting..I cannot Breathe ..it takes my very Being away..
"When morning came and you weren't there
And night time came and you still weren't there
Then for me there never was a day."..
Tuesday night, May 26/2009..Here I am again Chan, I'm sorry I am so upset..I know you must be here beside me and you loved me too much to be seeing me suffer like this.You always were so attuned to Momma's unhappiness and her joys..I will truly try to accept you having to go away.I wouldn't have wanted you to stay and to have suffered illness..I always promised you that if anything happened I wouldn't let you suffer..but you know what it is..The problem is it all caught me so off-guard..the suddenness of it all.It was all so unexpected..and I am sure it must have been for you too Sweetheart.You weren't expecting to leave me so soon either. Come on Chanel..I will make a huge effort to feel your spirit as you walk around the house..for surely you are here by my side..trying to communicate your presence to me.That's why I feel you so strongly.God bless you Chanel..I love you so-o much.Good night my little girl..and come cuddle up in bed as we head down the hall together.
"How do I love Thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach."..
-Elizabeth Barrett Browning
Wednesday 27/May..Well Chanel, Here I am again..It's about time I let you know how Muffin is doing without you..I have to tell you , your 5 yr old llasa-Apso housemate is really looking for you all over. He stares constantly at the front door..waiting for you..He won't go in the backyard all alone..He waits for you to come..instead it is me ..Every time he hears me whistling or singing, he turns his head this way and that looking for you to come and sing..He was so used to you being center stage..that he would just bow down , 2nd in the pecking order...And you certainly let him know he came 2nd, didn't you my Chan..After all you were the Queen Bee and he knew it..But he is lost now..You are not around to give him orders..He's eating well though and still brings me his stuffed little plush cow to throw and his ball...so I promise you he is getting a lot of attention..I know he is grieving your loss too..So would you please come up to him now and then and rub noses..He would feel your spirit, I'm sure.Muffin will be fine ,I promise,
'Grieve not, nor speak of me with tears, but laugh and talk of me as if I were beside you...
I loved you so - 'twas Heaven here with you.'
-Isla Pachal Richardson
Thursday.28 May// 3 weeks ago today, I lost you..It's a very difficult morning..The tears are flowing and my heart feels as if it's exploding in my chest..I miss you Chan! I miss you!!!!I feel like a zombie...walking around and being on automatic pilot..not feeling anything..just a numbness..okay I am going to say good-bye for now..I love you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wAeMvFtpgc8
ANNE MURRAY ...YOU NEEDED ME
YOU NEEDED ME
I cried a tear
You wiped it dry
I was confused
You cleared my mind
I sold my soul
You bought it back for me
And held me up
And gave me dignity
Somehow you needed me
You gave me strength
To stand alone again
To face the world
Out on my own again
You put me high
Upon a pedestal
So high that I could almost see eternity
You needed me
You needed me
And I can't believe its you
I can't believe its true
I needed you and you were there
And I'll never leave
Why should I leave
I'd be a fool
'Cause I finally found someone who really cares
You held my hand
When it was cold
When I was lost
You took me home
You gave me hope
When I was at the end
And turned my life
Back into truth again
You even called me friend
You gave me strength
To stand alone again
To face the world
Out on my own again
You put me high
Upon a pedestal
So high that I could almost see eternity
You needed me
You needed me
You needed me
You needed me
Song / Anne Murray
Saturday May 30//Hello my lovely girl! I had to come see you tonight..I talk to you all day in the house..but I feel comforted coming here..I suppose you know that Debbie sent a vase of flowers to me the day you left this world..I didn't know who was sending me flowers with a cute little plush dog sitting among the arrangement..and I thought Mother's Day was Sunday..so,when I opened the card it read:
"To Mummy and Muffin
I am still with you
Love Chan xxxx"
Wasn't that just like Debbie to do that? She brought you to me when you were 8 weeks old..and said:"Mummy,You will never feel alone with this puppy"..and I never did!.You filled every part of my life and heart.And how you loved Debbie!! When she came to visit..you would go crazy with excitement..and jumping at her legs to finally make your way unto her lap, laying your head upon her shoulder..so-o-o content to see your Debbie. She cried when I phoned her and told her that you were gone..She was so happy she had come down the week before for my birthday,..and had had the chance to hold you one last time.I kept telling you after she went back to Montreal..that we would go visit her and go in the car..Your head was bobbing from side to side listening to me and your tail was wagging,you were so excited...You understood everything..such a clever doggie..You loved to travel in the car..and you loved Debbie..You never lived long enough to take that trip..I am so sorry my Chan... I have dried the 8 red carnations that were among the other flowers in the bouquet..and I placed them into a tiny box plus the little plush doggie,among the other things in the bag that contains the urn with your ashes. I want to hold on to all the things that are connected to you..I will never let my memory of you go away,. my little love...You will be in my heart forever.
Every night in my dreams
I see you, I feel you,
That is how I know you go on
Far across the distance
And spaces between us
You have come to show you go on
Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on
Love can touch us one time
And last for a lifetime
And never let go till we're one
Love was when I loved you
One true time I hold to
In my life we'll always go on
Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on
There is some love that will not go away
You're here, there's nothing I fear,
And I know that my heart will go on
We'll stay forever this way
You are safe in my heart
And my heart will go on and on
SONG from 'THE TITANIC'
Sung by Celine Dion..Composed by David Foster
Saturday, 6 June..Good morning my lovely one! Happy Birthday to you,! Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday Dear Chanel,! Happy Birthday to you!!!..Your birth date is put down as the 6th June..but you were born after midnight so it's really the 7th of June. I have come to a new place in my mourning your loss honey..Last night after I left the Pet Loss Chat room, I sat at the counter in the kitchen really contemplating and I suddenly realized I had to give my permission for you to leave..I knew I had been holding you back..so I finally let you go and said good-bye I knew you were waiting until I said you could go.Now you can finally run free and have fun greeting all the people in heaven and wagging your tail..good for you Chanel!!!..No leash or fenced in yard..freedom !! and health !! ..you still have your red collar on with the bells and name tag..you loved shaking your neck and hearing the bells tinkling.Have fun my Chan..until we meet again..Please come back for visits now and then pretty girl, Muffin and I will be so happy to see you. a brush of a tail..a feeling of a weight on the bed cover where you used to sleep with me. Now then..Adios my pretty girl and God Bless., Mummy xxxxx
Thursday, 25 May, 7 week marker...
"I WAS ALL RIGHT, FOR A WHILE, ,
I COULD SMILE,FOR A WHILE.
BUT I SAW YOU LAST NIGHT,
YOU HELD MY HAND SO TIGHT
AS WE STOPPED TO SAY "HELLO",
THOUGH YOU WISHED ME WELL,
YOU COULDN'T TELL,..
THAT I'D BEEN CRY-Y-YING OVER YOU,
CRY-Y-YING OVER YOU,
AW YES,NOW YOU'RE GONE.
AND FROM THIS MOMENT ON,
I'LL BE CRYING,CRYING CRY-Y-YING,
YES CRYING,CRYING,
CRY-Y-YING,CRY-Y-ING,
OVER-R-R ..YO-OU-U."
(Roy Orbison...crying)
Sunday,5 July....Hi Chanel,well it was the two month marker on Thursday,July 2nd,2009 since that horrific day when I last scooped you up in my arms after you collapsed.Oh my Sweetheart,how I keep reliving those last moments ..I just sob and sob,still..You must have seen the new puppy who came to stay with us on June 15th.His name is 'Kioshi' and he is just 5 lbs..a little shih-tzu..Muffin is happy to have a friend.He has been so sad and looking all over for you.He is playing and happy again ,but I always think of you Chan.
Kioshi is very lovable,but you and I Chanel..nothing will ever replace that ache I still feel for you..I am very busy housebreaking Kioshi.It is good to be so busy.But eventually I do sit down and then your face comes flooding back to me.....and the memories ...and the tears..Will I ever smile again as I think of you.Right now I feel as if this sadness will forever be with me.because I loved you so much Chanel,so much!!!I don't think I have ever loved someone as much as I loved you. I can never say good-bye to you.I clutch you to me so tightly! Good night my Sweetheart,
Love,
from your Momma xxxxxxxxxoooooooooooo
Wednesday,29 July....Hello my Angel, The tears still fall at the most unexpected moments. I realize I will never stop grieving for you until I hold you in my arms again. when I pass by the Bridge.I know you are waiting for me and how you will jump with joy to see me again. I yearn to see your face and watch the excitement as you greet me.It makes death much less frightening for me to know you and I will be together again. In the meantime dear Chanel..You "babysit"..remember how I used to say that to you when I had to leave the house? And when I got back,how happy you were to see me..We'll have that again Sweetheart,,Mummy loves you and misses you more than I can bear,.Hugs and nice pats..'affection'..good girl ,let me rub your ears gently..
Good night for now, Mummy xxxxxxxxxxxoooooooooooo
LOST
I cannot find you
Our hands let go in the fog
Which way shall I go?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4d2_tNxBxhY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4d2_tNxBxhY
If Tomorrow Never Come ~~Garth Brooks
Sometimes late at night
I lie awake and watch her sleeping
She's lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would she ever doubt the way I feel
About her in my heart
If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes
'Cause I've lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much she means to me
And avoid that circumstance
Where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel
If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes
So tell that someone that you love
Just what you're thinking of
If tomorrow never comes
DEDICATED TO MY DEAR HEART ,,MY CHANEL..HOW I MISS HER SO MUCH..I DISCOVERED A SOUND TAPE OF HER "singing" on my computer yesterday.I had forgotten i had recorded her ! what joy !what pain !! hearing her again !! this is for you chanel ! :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tsbkk4SZAqA
when you say nothing at all ..ronan keating
How you can speak
Right to my heart
Without saying a word,
You can light up the dark
Try as I may
I could never explain
What I hear when
You don't say a thing
[CHORUS:]
The smile on your face
Lets me know
That you need me
There's a truth
In your eyes
Saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says
You'll catch me
Whenever I fall
You say it best
When you say
Nothing at all
All day long
I can hear people
Talking out loud
But when you hold me near
You drown out the crowd
(The crowd)
Try as they may
They can never define
What's been said
Between your
Heart and mine
[Repeat chorus twice]
(You say it best
When you say
Nothing at all
You say it best
When you say
Nothing at all)
The smile on your face
The truth in your eyes
The touch of your hand
Let's me know
That you need me
[Repeat chorus]
(You say it best
When you say
Nothing at all
You say it best
When you say
Nothing at all)
The smile on your face
The truth in your eyes
The touch of your hand
Let's me know
That you need me
(You say it best
When you say
Nothing at all
You say it best
When you say
Nothing at all)
Ronan Keating When You Say Nothing At All
HERE WE ARE CHANEL..MAY 20 THE 2010 I MISS YOU CONSTANTLY AND I GUESS I always will ,Do you know what I found I had on the computer? a tape an audio tape of you "singing" !!! what joy ! what pain !! listening to you !! you were alive once again and I heard your voice !! Oh my ! I was so happy to find this ,so happy even though your little voice cuts me deep inside .but what a teasure to find !I had forgotten ..how when I first was learning about the computer how I found the "sound recorder" and that I had taped you ,,THANK YOU cHANEL FOR THIS GIFT !! BYE NOW !! YOU GO HAVE FUN I 'LL BE BACK SOON KISSES KISSES ,,BYE LOVE
MUMMIE XXXXXXXXX
P.S. MUFFIN SAYS HELLO WOOF WOOF HE MISSES YOU TOO !!
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