You taught me the true meaning of unconditional love. For 15 years you were my life. You were by my side through all of the good times as well as the many bad times. You licked the tears away when I was sad and slept beside me, never moving, when I was sick. We shared a bond that not many people understood. After all, how could I possibly love such a temperamental pup the way I did? Well I did and do, and I know you loved me so much too. You had your special ways of showing me. I hope you know how much you are loved and how grateful I am for the life we shared. Because I love you so much, I had to let you go so that you wouldn't suffer anymore. This was my last birthday gift to you. I miss you so much and look for you everywhere. I can still hear your footsteps and I still see you snuggled in your bed. You will be with me always my precious baby.|
MAY I GO
May I go now? Do you think the time is right?
12/30/11 Hello my sweet boy. It's been almost 4 weeks that you've been gone now and I still look for you everywhere. Christmas just wasn't the same without you. I stayed with Aunt Carla for the weekend and she decorated our room for us. She gave us a little Christmas tree and hung your special ornaments on it because I didn't have the heart to put up our tree this year. She also put a framed picture of you and I from our last day together beside the tree so that I could see your precious face before I closed my eyes each night. Your cousin Riley slept on the floor beside the bed and kept me company. But when I woke up each morning, I still expected to see you. :-( I miss you so much my baby boy, the house is so empty without you. I hope that you are having fun with all of your new friends and are happy now because you are well again. Tomorrow is New Year's Eve and it's hard to believe that I'll be starting this new year without you. I love you so much!!!
5/15/12 Hi baby boy. It's been a while since I've visited but I think about you everyday. I've been fostering dogs for the shelters since the middle of January. At first I felt guilty bringing other pups into your home, but everyone told me that you would be proud of me for helping out those that aren't as lucky as you were. I let them sleep on your beds but I can't bare to let them play with your favorite toys. In fact I keep your favorite stuffed dogs near me at all times. One is on my bed, the other on the couch. I hold them close when I'm missing you most. I'm on my third foster and he is the most needy so far. He reminds me of you in the sense that he is misunderstood. He's really blossoming in my care now and although I've loved all the foster pups so far, none will ever take your place. I still miss you so much that if I think about it for too long, I can't breathe. I finally broke down and ordered your pawprint charm for my bracelet and the collar box to put your collar and tags in. I can't wait to see them. I'll post pics when they arrive. I love you my little bunny! xoxoxo
11/19/12 Hi my little muffin man. You've been on my mind a lot lately, as the one year anniversary of our goodbye approaches. It still feels like it was only yesterday. I still miss you so much and think of you daily. I've been keeping very busy but I always have time to think of my little boy. I adopted a very special pup that really needed me, back in August. His name is Tucker and he's a beautiful, sweet, gentle soul. He started out as a foster, but something told me he was my next one. I'd like to think that you were helping me along to make that decision. It's strange because even though I love him with my whole heart, it's such a different love than I have for you. You will always be my heart dog. As the day gets closer, I find myself feeling sadder. I guess it doesn't help that it's so close to Christmas. My memories of you keep me going, though. I can still feel your soft fur and your little wet nose. You were the most beautiful boy ever and I will love you forever. xoxoxo
12/4/12 Hi baby. Happy Birthday! It's so hard to believe that it's been exactly one year since I held you in my arms for the last time. I slept with your ashes the other night and watched videos of you over and over again. There have been so many times that I wished for just one more day or wished that I had done some things differently. But the simple truth is that I never would have been ready. I'm just grateful that I had the strength to realize that you were. You were such a stoic little boy, I knew you wouldn't give me obvious signs...luckily I knew you so well....You were with me for practically a third of my life; so many experiences and milestones in my life and you were the one constant. For a while you were the only reason for me to get up in the morning and the only reason to brush away the tears and smile when I came home. After all, who was I if I wasn't your mom, taking care of you and your latest ailment? ;-) I feel like you took a huge part of me when you left, like I didn't have an identity anymore. But I took that emptiness and turned it into something good. I saved the lives of six precious souls that never had someone to love them and give them everything they needed, like you did. I hope I've made you proud and know that no matter how many pups come into your home, you will never be forgotten. You're the reason I have the passion that I do for animals. You opened my eyes and set me on the most amazing and rewarding journey; I will always be grateful for that. I miss and love you so much my baby boy! xoxoxo
10/11/13 Hello my sweet boy. Even though it's been a long time since I've written, I still think of you every day. I still talk to you, look at your pictures and watch videos of you. I can't believe another anniversary of our goodbye is quickly approaching. It still feels like yesterday and it still hurts so much. I miss you so much my little bunny and still find myself wishing for one more day. If only I could turn back time....Since I adopted Tucker, there have been a few more fosters that have passed through; ironically, all girls! Cassie has been with us since February and it looks like she may become a permanent family member. If she does, my fostering days will probably be over but I'm still dedicated to helping the shelter dogs in other ways. Cassie is a silly little girl who has some trust issues as well. It's funny, I always said that after years of dealing with such a complicated pup like you, that I would make sure the next one would be easy. Instead, I now have two with their own problems! LOL! I guess that's really my calling. Anyone can handle the easy ones right? It takes someone with a lot of love and understanding to deal with the difficult ones. You don't know how many times people told me I was crazy for the lengths I went to for you. But I have no regrets. I made a commitment to you and I had every intention of keeping it. You were my whole life and at times my only reason for living. I love and miss you so much. xoxoxo
12/4/13 Happy Birthday my baby boy! It's hard to believe another year has gone by already and it's been another year without you. My life is going well; I'm happy, in love....but even with all that is wonderful in my life right now, it still feels so strange without you. I'll never forget my life with you and how you helped me to find the inner strength and independence that I thought I had lost. I think of our life together even more now as it helps to also remind me of happier times with your grandma. You see she's got Alzheimer's and it's slowly taking her from us and she's becoming a shell of her former self. I miss my mom so much and our talks and how she was always there when I needed her. I think of the two of you and how you would beg at the dinner table. I never allowed you to have scraps because of your allergies, but your grandma couldn't resist your charms. She always snuck you a little something when she thought I wasn't looking. ;-) How I wish for just one more meal with the two of you, both healthy, alert & happy........ I ended up adopting Cassie on 11/16/13. I told her about you this morning and how she'd love you and want to play with you, but you probably wouldn't want to. ;-) Tucker is more your speed. You two could have co-existed nicely just like you and Riley always did. They're both sweet babies that really needed me. I love and adore them but you'll always be my heart dog. No matter how much time goes by, I'll never stop loving and missing you! You're a part of me and with me everywhere I go. I love you so much my sweet baby boy! xoxoxo
12/4/14 Hello my precious boy! Can you believe it's been another year already?! Where does the time go? These last three years without you have flown by so fast; it's so hard to believe that today I sit here celebrating another one of your birthdays without you. The last several months have been especially hard on me, which is why I've been away for so long. It's not that you haven't been on my mind, in fact, it's quite the opposite. Ron asked me to move in with him this past summer. It made me happy & I knew it was the right thing to do after being together almost three years, but there was one thing that made the decision very painful for me. The thought of selling the home that you & I shared together for so many years just about ripped my heart out. Every time I would go there to pack, I swear I would see you run by me or feel you beside me. I was afraid that I was leaving you and all of our memories behind and that you wouldn't be with me in my new home. But the truth is that you are with me everywhere I go because you're always in my heart. Not only are you in my heart but you still come to me in my dreams and I still look at your pictures everyday. I keep your ashes on the fireplace mantle. Yes, we finally have a fireplace again! Remember how we used to nap in front of the one in our house in Holly Springs before we moved to the townhouse? That was one of the things I missed most about that house. It's still very chaotic right now and Tucker is having a difficult time adjusting to the new situation. But every once in a while I'm able to find a few quiet moments to sneak away and look through our photos and think about our times together. Once things settle down I made a vow that I would finally work up the courage to start working on your scrapbook. I think 3 years is long enough....I know I can do this without falling apart! ;-)Our home went to a lovely woman and her child who really needed a new start; just like you and I did all those years ago. After meeting Cheri, it made it a little easier to let go. We've stayed in touch, which I think may make things easier as well. It will be nice to always have that connection to our past. So as this Christmas season is approaching, a new chapter in my life is starting and it feels so strange not to have you here with me. But don't you worry, you may not be here physically, but I carry you with me always. Happy Birthday baby boy. I love you so much!!! xoxoxo
Murphy's People Parent(s), Rosalie, would appreciate knowing you have visited their Murphy's Memorial Residency.