Memories of Nikki Marie Marcino
Nikki was my special angel. She was my baby. She loved the beach and the ocean. She loved to chase birds, squirrels, rabbits and cats. She loved to go for long walks until she was not able to walk so far. She would just sit down and look at me and communicate with her piercing big brown eyes, "I am tired, you will have to carry me now." I have carried her many miles because she loved the outdoors. She loved her little brother Sam. She was very protective of him and of me. When she was only 3 months old, she brought her heavy water bowl up the stairs in her mouth and dropped it at my feet. I could not believe that she had carried that heavy bowl all by herself. When she was about 6 months old, we went to the beach and collected a box of shells. I took them home, washed them and put them in a 12" square box to dry. After a while, Nikki was curled up sleeping in the box of shells. I started to move her to the bed, she woke up and growled at me. From that day forward, those were her shells and she napped at least once a day in her box of shells. One day when we were getting ready to go for a ride, she somehow got my visor on her head and was sitting in the driver's side of my car looking at me as if to say, "let's go." She loved to "read" the newspaper. I would sit in the floor to read and she would plop down on the paper and search it and scratch on it. When I travelled out of town and had to leave her behind, I always brought her a present and I had it in my suitcase. She opened the zipper with her teeth and would search for her present. And, I better not come home without a present for her. I only did this once, she pouted with me for an hour. We went to the store and I bought her a new present. She was so smart and always knew what to do for me depending on how I felt. She depended upon me for all her necessities, but if she only knew how much I depended on her. I was her mommy but sometimes she mothered me. She had a little lamb toy that I bought for her when she was about 2 months old. She played with it gently and I noticed when she was about one year old, she began gently holding it in her mouth and rocking her body like she was rocking a baby. She did this until the day she died. She will always be in my heart forever and I will never, ever forget her. I held Nikki in my arms until she took her last breath. She looked at me with her big brown eyes, gave me one last kiss and was gone. It was so hard to let her go. I wanted to breathe life back into her and keep her with me a little longer. I know she is no longer suffering and can now sleep peacefully until we meet again. I love you with all my heart and soul forever.
Nikki, my light, my love
May 14, 2006
My beautiful angel, today is Mother's Day. It is a very sad day for me because you have been gone one month today. I was so very fortunate to have you in my life. You taught me so many things, like patience, acceptance, trust and being able to love with all your heart. I miss you so much and I need you in my life. It is so difficult to go on without you. I have beautiful memories but right now, it is not enough. You were my world. I lived my life for you and I would have gladly given my own life for you. You loved to take my hairbows out of my hair and make them your own, you were so funny and playful. You seemed to know when I needed cheering up and you knew just what to do to make me laugh. I don't think I will ever laugh again. My heart is broken and continues to break more each day of your passing. Please watch over your little brother. He misses you too. He still looks for you in every room. I love you so much my sweet princess.
June 14, 2006
My sweet angel, I miss you so much every day. Everywhere I look, I see memories of you. Every time I take your little brother for a ride, I remember how excited you would get when we went for a drive. You loved the country and loved to see the horses and cows. You were so special and such a beautiful, smart little girl. You have been gone two months today and it hurts as much today as it did when I had to say goodbye to you. My life will never be the same. I love you so much. I hope you are with your friends who went on before you. Wait for me my angel, I will hold you again someday.
Love forever, Mommy
July 9, 2006
Happy Birthday, my sweet, precious angel. Today, you would have been 13 years old. I had so many plans for this special day for you. In addition to your cake and toy, I was going to take you to a park so you could chase squirrels like you so loved to do. I miss you so very much. My heart continues to ache and I cry for you every day. I have asked God to celebrate your birthday with you today. I will love you forever, my sweet baby.Always know that you are are always in my heart and in my thoughts. I will hold you again and I will get a new toy for you today and every birthday until I see you again. Love, Mommy
July 14, 2006
My precious angel. You have been gone three months today. It hurts just as much today as it did three months ago. I am taking you to my hometown tomorrow. We will live there until it is time for me to join you and we can be together forever. I know how much you loved the beaches and swimming in the gulf. I love you my precious baby. I love you with all my heart and soul. Love, Mommy
October 14, 2006
My precious little girl.Today is six months since you passed. I miss you every day.It is so difficult to go on with my life without you. If it were not for your little brother,Sam, and the fact that I will get justice for your untimely death, I don't think I could go on.I loved you with all my heart and soul and still do. You were my life, my sweet angel.I trust that you are happy and peaceful with God. I will hold you again someday. I love you with all my heart. Love Mommy
December 23, 2006
My precious little angel.This is our first Christmas without you.It is so difficult.I put your special ornaments on the tree.Sam looks for you under the tree.You and Sam always slept under the tree during the holidays.I finished your Christmas present but I cannot bring myself to disturb your ashes just yet to put them into your special urn. I love you with all my heart and I miss you and cry for you everyday. Rest now my sweet baby and be with God in your special place. Love, Mommy
February 18, 2007
My precious baby. I miss you so very much. Your story was in the newspaper last week. All the memories of losing you were so overpowering and heartbreaking. I know you are well now and walking beside God. You play with your new friends and rest until I come for you. I love you with all my heart. Love, Mommy
April 14, 2007
My little angel. Today is the one-year anniversary of your death. My precious little one, the pain of losing you is still unbearable. I miss you so very much. I have wonderful memories of you but my heart will never heal. When you died, a part of me died also. I will never be the same person I was. You were the light of my life and you made my eyes shine with love for you. That light is now gone. My heart is forever broken and will not be healed until I can hold you once again in my arms. There are some who understand that you were never a pet, you were a furry baby,and I will grieve for you until I die. Today, I placed your ashes in your urn with your little lamb that you rocked every day. She will keep you company now. I have cried a river of tears for you. I will always love you and think about you everyday. I thank God everyday that He allowed me to be your Mommy for the time you were on this earth. You were a very special gift and you taught me many things. I would not trade the time I had with you for anything. The only comfort I have is that I do know that one day, I will hold you again. Until that day comes, my sweet, walk and play with God and all your new friends and wait for me because I will be there one day. Please, never forget how very much I loved you, still love you, and how much you meant to me. Love and kisses forever my baby, Love, Mommy
July 9, 2007
Today is your birthday my sweet angel. You would have been 14 years old. My, how I miss you. I loved you with all my heart and soul. My heart continues to ache for you every day. I cannot heal, the pain is too great. I do thank God, however, for allowing me to be your human mom and to have had you to love for as long as you were in my care. I would have given my own life to save yours. I know that you are now with God and someday I will hold you again. I am waiting for that day. Be a good girl and rest peacefully. I love you my baby, with all my heart. Love, Mommy
September 30, 2007
My beautiful girl, you are and always will be my precious baby. People tell me every day that time will heal the loss I have suffered from losing you. I do not believe it will ever happen for me. My heart aches every day. I have such beautiful memories of you and I also have the horrible memories of how you were taken from me before your time. That is why I have such a black void in my heart that can never be filled. My consolation is that you are now safe with God and no one can ever hurt you. I pray every day that soon justice will abound for you my precious baby. Then and only then, I may be able to have a little peace. Play with all your new friends and know that I will be coming for you someday. I will love you forever. Love, Mommy
December 28, 2007
Nikki, my precious baby, I am so sorry I could not write to you at Christmas. I did not have a tree this year. It is still so painful to think of you not being with me. I love you with all my heart and soul. I so wish that I could hold you again. I will someday, that I know. Merry belated Christmas and Hanukka my love.Love, Mommy
April 13, 2008
My beautiful, brave little girl, tomorrow is the 2-year anniversary of your death. The memory of that day is still so painful for me. I miss you so much. There is not a day that goes by that I don't cry for you my angel. My heart aches as much now as it did 2 years ago. It does not get easier like people say. I will always love you my sweet baby. Love and kisses to you from your little brother, Sam. All my love, Mommy.
July 9, 2008
Happy birthday my beautiful, brave little girl. I miss you so very much. I wish so much that I could hold you. You would have been 15 today. I have a special toy to place at your memorial. I know you would like it. My precious baby, your life was cut short and my heart continues to ache for you. That void will never be filled. I am, however, grateful for the time we had together. You provided me so much happiness and I will cherish those special memories forever. Sam wishes you happy birthday too, and he sends you lots of kisses. He misses you. Did I tell you that he has not barked since you died? He is not the same either. I love you, my little love, with all my heart and soul. You will forever be in my heart. Love, Mommy
November 26, 2008
Happy Thanksgiving my precious angel.I miss you so much. I know that you are taking care of Roscoe, my son's dog. I know you remember him and you loved to play with him. Hopefully he is right by your side and is at peace. It broke my heart when he died also. It brought back so many memories of when the two of you played together. My sister gave me a Yorkie to help ease the pain and to help Sam to get well, which, Sam, your brother, is getting better. I am trying to love the new puppy, I do love him, but you my precious baby girl will always be first in my heart. I wish you were here to take care of this little guy. His name is Zorro.He reminds me of you a little, maybe that is why I love him, but painfully so. I so wish that I could hold you in my arms. My heart still aches for you. My baby, I hope that finally, you can rest in peace. I am supposed to get on with my life, but I can't. I have never loved like the love I had for you and still do. I cannot find the strength yet to begin a new life. Physically, I go through the motions, but in my heart, time has stood still from the moment you drew your last breath. I will never forget that day. I love you with all my heart and soul. Love, Mommy
December 25, 2008
Happy Hanukka and Merry Christmas my little love. I did not have a tree again this year. Maybe next year. I know how much you loved sleeping under the tree and opening your presents. It is very painful to not see your big brown eyes filled with excitement at opening your presents. I miss you so very much. At times it is so unbearable. Sam and the new puppy, Zorro, are trying to bring happiness to my life. I just have to let them in. My present to you is all my love, hugs and a thousand kisses. I love you my precious angel, with all my heart. Give poor Roscoe a big hug for me. Love always and forever, Mommy
March 7, 2009
Hello my beautiful princess. I miss you so very much. I would give anything if I could hold you in my arms just one more time. My heart still aches for you. I wanted to tell you about Sam. He was very sick for awhile. I thought he was getting ready to come join you, but he has pulled through. I know you are watching over him because you know how devastated I would be to lose him too. Zorro is adjusting to Sam being sick and not able to play with him. I will not rest until the person who hurt you pays for his crime. That day will come and I think it will be pretty soon. To have you taken from me in such a horrible manner still haunts me. I have not slept a night through since I lost you. My baby, I love you with all my heart and soul. It will soon be the anniversary of your death and I dread that day. What I am eternally grateful for is the time we had together. God allowed me to be your Mommy and I shall always be thankful to Him for letting me care for you. He also gave us Sam and I think He will not take Sam until He wants him to be with you. I think about poor Roscoe also. It breaks my heart to think of him being gone. I do know that you will watch over him too. I love you, my sweet angel. I will talk to you again here very soon. All my love and kisses, Mommy.
April 12, 2009
My precious Nikki. In two days, you will have been gone for 3 years. It has been so difficult getting through these months and now years without you. You were my whole world. When you died, my world crashed. I am still trying to put my life back together, but I don't think I will ever be able to accept your death. I am still very angry that you were needlessly taken from me. I still cry every time I think of you drawing your last breath in my arms. I would give anything to have you back again. I love you so much. I know that God is taking care of you now and that brings me some peace. But I will not be happy again until I can hold you in my arms. All my love forever, Mommy.
May 6, 2009
My sweet angel I miss you so much. I know that you sent Zorro to comfort me and he is such a comfort now. I didn't think I could love another like I loved you and my love for Sam. However, this little guy has found his way into my heart, and he is bringing another with him. There is now the sweetest little girl. She is precious. I loved her before I saw her. I know you would love her so much. Sam has taken to her more than Zorro. I think something about her reminds him of you. Is it possible that you have sent your spirit in her? She has the same look in her eyes that you did. If I can explain my love, about how I feel. You were my first love and always will be my first baby. No one can take your place in my heart. I did not think I could love another fur baby other than Sam. But I was wrong because I do love this little pair of babies. They are so precious to me and I believe with all my heart that you sent them to me to ease the pain of losing you. I know you would want me to go on and put my life back together, and I am now going to do just that, with these two, Zorro and Isabella Rose, along with your precious Sam. He is doing just fine now. I think these babies have been what he needed to pull him out of his grief for you. He still has not barked since you died and he has just moped around so unhappy, but he even let Bella climb all over him and he gave her a kiss. So maybe he will come out of his grief like I know you want me to. I will never forget you, my precious angel. I will always love you until the day I die. I will see you in heaven. This weekend is Mother's Day and it will be both sad and happy for me this year. Sad, because you won't be here, but happy, because you have sent me two beautiful babies to love and care for. I do love them and my love will grow. I have put my love on hold for a very long time, and now it is time to share it with them. I love you angel. All my love, Mommy.
July 9, 2009
Today is your birthday my precious angel. Sweet 16. I can't believe it. The years have passed so quickly. I love you with all my heart. I hope you will have a wonderful day romping around with all your new friends and your buddy, Roscoe. I will celebrate your birthday today with your brother Sam and two little Yorkies I have adopted. I miss you so very much. There will never be another Nikki. You gave so much to me. I only hope that you have precious memories of your short time here on earth. Be a good girl and always remember that I will treasure you all my life. With all my love forever, love Mommy.
November 12, 2009
My precious angel, your brother Sam, joined you last night. I know you were happy to see him and he is now happy to be with you again.He has missed you every day since you passed. He tried so hard to live for me, I know that now. I have treasured him from the first time we saw him. I know you remember that day well. I miss you so much every day, my love. My life has not been the same without you and now Sam has joined you. I do not know how I am going to get through. I will never forget you and Sam. Take care of each other and know that I loved you with all my heart and I will be with the two of you one day forever.Love, Mommy
December 25, 2009
Good morning my beautiful baby girl. Here it is another Christmas without you. And, now this year, Sam is not here to help me through this day. He is with you. I know you are happy to have your little brother with you, but my heart is breaking because I don't have the two of you with me. I remember so well how the two of you would tear into your presents and play with the wrapping paper and bows. When it snowed the two of you loved to roll and run and play in the snow. I do have pictures of those wonderful memories but it is not and never will be the same. Christmas and Hanukka have never been the same since you went to heaven. I love you still and think of you every day. You will always have a special place in my heart as will your little brother Sam. Watch over him and keep him by your side. I will be happy once again when I can see and hold the two of you again. Until that day comes, remember my love for you is forever. Love, Mommy
April 14, 2010
Good morning my precious love. It is the fourth anniversary of your passing. I still miss you so very much. I miss you every day. People tell me that one day it will be easier for me, but I don't think that day will ever come. Today, I will be remembering you as you were when you were a young puppy and all the fun you had playing on the shoreline chasing birds and running in and out of the waves. At home, you would tear out of the door to try to catch squirrels and birds. You ran so fast that I could barely keep up with you. Nikki, you were the most beautiful fur baby that I have ever seen. You had so many colors in your coat. I look at many pictures often and try to think of you in that way. If I could get a glimpse into heaven to see you, I bet that is how you look today, young, full of energy and such a beautiful girl. Even in the end, you were still the most beautiful baby I have ever seen. The past year has been particularly difficult because your little brother was so sick and now he is with you. He missed you as much as I did and I truly think his grieving caused some of his problems. However, let's not go there. Today, I am celebrating your wonderful life and precious memories I have of you. I know that you miss me but you also have little Sam to take care of until I can be with you both again. I am picturing the two of you running through emerald green grass, chasing colorful butterflies and laughing as you did here. You would bark and bark, run around and to me that was you laughing and playing. My angel, you will always be in my heart forever. There has never been a baby like you nor will there ever be another Nikki. Don't ever forget how much you meant to me and how much I loved you. Go now and walk with God, rest, play, laugh and look down on me from time to time. You will always be my precious angel. Love, Mommy
July 9, 2010
My sweet precious angel, if you had lived, you would be 17 today! You would be the most beautiful teenager that anyone ever saw! There will never be another fur baby that can compare to you. You had such a way about you that won over everyone's heart that met you. All they had to do was look into the most gorgeous brown eyes and they were forever under your spell. Your coat of many colors amazed every judge in every show that we attended. Everyone who saw you was mesmerized by your beautiful coat. Do you remember how you took to the ring like the ring was made just for you? You walked with your head held high and strutted like the Queen of Sheba. You were so beautiful. I am so thankful that God allowed me to care for you as long as I did. My regret is that I entrusted your care to someone I thought I could trust and for that mistake, I lost the most precious baby in the world. I will regret that decision until the day I die. I pray for yours and God's forgiveness every day. I would give anything if I could turn back the clock. I know that I cannot do that. But my sweet baby, I do wish you a happy birthday. I know you are happy that you have your little brother with you now. The picture I have in mind is of you and Sam romping and playing and chasing squirrels and rabbits and eating your birthday cake. I did not bake a cake for you this year, but I did get you a special little bear to place at your memorial. I know how much you loved to snuggle with stuffed bears. You would always rock them. You know that I have two Yorkies now. They are very special pups but you and Sam will always hold a special place in my heart. I truly think sometimes that you have come back to me in the Yorkie named Zorro. I know he is a boy, but he has a look in his eyes and ways about him that only you had. People may think I am crazy for saying that, but sometimes I do think if you are not reborn in him, that somehow when I need comforting, that your spirit enters Zorro for my comfort. Anyway, that is what I choose to believe.
November 12, 2010
Sweet little angel. I have missed you so much. Today is the anniversary of Sam's passing. Sometimes, it is just more than I can bear, to realize that I have lost both of you. A piece of my heart was torn out when I lost you and I thought I could not go on living. Then I realized that I had to live to take care of Sam. He was so much comfort to me when you left us. But even though he comforted me, he was lost without you and mourned you every day. After you died, he never barked again. And then he became so sick. I think he held on as long as he could for me, but he knew he was going to be with you, his beloved sister. Knowing the two of you are together, has given me the courage to let you go so that I can try to heal from losing you, but then when Sam died, another piece of my heart was torn out again.
Losing you changed my life and losing Sam has changed me even more. If it were not for the two little ones I have now, I would say that I'll be coming soon to get you. I now have these two to care for and so I must go on as painful as it is to do so. I would rather be able to sit and hold you and Sam and do all the things we used to love to do together. I miss you so very much. I will always love you and you will always have a special place in my heart. Don't ever think that I have forgotten you because that will never happen. These two little ones were given to me to try to bring some comfort to me for losing you and Sam.
Don't forget your human mommy and always know that I loved you with all my heart and will continue to love you forever. Watch over your brother and I will be with you one day and we will do all the things we enjoyed once again. Love Mommy.
January 2, 2011
Good morning my precious princess,
Mommy did not celebrate Christmas and New Year's. It is still much too painful to put up a tree. The memories of you and Sam playing under the tree, drinking the tree's water and tearing open presents are too painful. Maybe one day I will be able to celebrate again. I know that perhaps I am depriving the two new puppies of those kinds of memories, but I am trying to build different memories with them. I love them very much, but they do not and cannot take the place of you and Sam. I still mourn for the two of you like it was yesterday when you passed. I will always love you and I will always miss you. My heart aches for you. Watch over your brother. He loved you so very much. I am glad that you have each other now again, because he missed you deeply and never got over you. Neither have I. I love you my precious girl. I will love you forever. Mommy
April 14, 2011
Hello my sweet princess. I miss you so very much. It is so difficult to believe that you have been gone five years. It still seems like yesterday. My heart remains broken and it will never heal. I thought that if I stopped writing in your journal, it would be easier to begin to heal. After losing Sam too, there is nothing that can heal my broken heart. I so loved you with all my heart and soul. If you can see Mommy, you know how much I miss you and how much I loved you. You knew that when you were here with me. Sometimes I think that you visit me sometimes in Zorro. When I look into his eyes, it seems as though I'm looking into your eyes. Some of his antics are just like you. Although he is a little Yorkie, his face is not like a Yorkie's face. His little face is a miniature of you. Perhaps it is what I want to see and believe. My sweet angel, always know how much Mommy misses you and how much I loved you and always will. No one can know the pain I still feel except for those who have lost a fur baby of their own. I will never forget you. I pray for you every day and I know you are walking through beautiful green pastures with God. That is what comforts me, and putting my faith in the hope that someday, you and I will walk together again. I will always love you my precious little girl. Watch over Sam who is with you and watch over Zorro and Isabella. Give me strength to go on with life. Love forever, Mommy.
July 10, 2011
My sweet princess, I am a day late getting this posted for you. I did not forget your birthday, computer problems, but I am up and running again. I love you with all my heart and soul. I miss you every day of my life. There is not a day goes by that I don't think of you and wish I could hold you in my arms again. I realized today that if you had lived, you would be 18. My goodness, an adult ready to be on your own, but I know, if you had a choice, you would never have left your Mommy. I hope you had a wonderful birthday romping around with your brother and your new found friends. Every time I see a furbaby that has gone to heaven, I ask that you would look after the baby until someone comes for them. I am looking forward to the day when I see you running as fast as your little legs can carry you to jump into my arms. Every time I have to leave Zorro and Bella, I pray that you will watch over them. They are so tiny and so dependent on me. I so wish you were here to mother them in person. You would love them because you always loved to be around baby animals of any kind. You would have been a perfect little mother. I just want you to remember how much I love you and I will never forget you. Watch over your little brother. I will come for you when it is my time. I love you always and forever. Mommy.
November 12, 2011
Good morning my sweet little girl. Today is the anniversary of Sam's passing. It is hard to believe that he has been gone for two years and you have been gone for five years.My heart is still broken over losing both of you. I have tried to force myself to heal over losing you. I have accepted losing you but I will never heal completely. The only way I can heal completely will be when I get to see you again. You were my life and everything I did, every place I went, revolved around you and how you would be affected. You were my child and a person just doesn't get over losing a child. I hope you are content having your brother with you. I know that you walk by God's side every day. I pray to Him every day to look after you and Sam. My sister gave me these two Yorkies to help ease the pain of losing you and Sam. They are precious little things. Watch over them while I have to be at work. I love you my princess and I will never forget you. I love you forever. Mommy
December 25, 2011
Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah my precious little girl. I miss you so much. This time of year is always very sad for me. I tried to put on a happy face for my granddaughter this year. She has been staying with me more now that she is getting older. She is only five and this is a special time of year for her. If it was not for her, I would not have celebrated again this year. My heart breaks over and over when I remember how happy you and Sam were at this time of year to get all of your presents. You two enjoyed opening presents as much as any child I have ever seen. You were so funny, running around with bows and paper stuck on you. One of your favorite things to do was to roll around in the wrapping paper and help us open our presents. You loved to pull things out of boxes, never damaging anything. You were such a special princess. I am so lucky to have had you for my little girl. I feel so bad every day that I was not able to save your life. I know that you are giving God a lot of pleasure because you are so sweet and loving. I am happy that you are in a place where no one can hurt you like the idiot did here on earth. I can never forgive that man for causing your death. I don't think I will ever heal from that tragedy but I am hopeful someday that I can hold you again and that you will be able to let me know that you forgive me for entrusting you to someone I thought would take care of you like I did. I am so very sorry. I love you my precious baby and I always will. I pray that someday, I can hold you and cuddle you like before. Be happy my little love and take care of Sam until I can again if God allows me to. I love you forever and always. Mommy
April 14, 2012
Good morning my princess. I love you so very much. I cannot believe that it has been 6 years since you died. It is still so vivid to me, like it was yesterday. The pain of losing you has become bearable, but it is still so difficult. Perhaps it would be different if you had died of natural causes, but your precious life was taken in such a horrible way that I can never forget or accept. Losing you was like losing one of my children. You were my baby for many years. If you had lived my sweet baby, you would be 19 on your birthday this coming July. I know you are with God and you have your little brother Sam to keep you company. Sometimes I think your spirit dwells in Zorro, the little Yorkie my sister gave to me. I look into his eyes and I see you. He has so many antics just like you and he never leaves my side when I am home. Remember when I used to do work on my PC in the office and you would either lay down by my feet or next to me? Zorro does the exact same thing; in fact, he is right by my feet right now. When I cry, he licks away my tears like you did. He knows when I am down, just like you and he jumps in my lap and actually puts his little arms around my neck, just like you. I truly believe now that if your spirit is not dwelling in him, then you must visit me through him from time to time to let me know you still love me as I love you. If a human parent and a fur baby can be soul mates, you were mine. I will always love you and I will never forget you. The way time is passing, I will see you again before you know it. That day will be a very happy day for me. Look after your little brother and always know that you are in my heart and my thoughts everyday and forever. I love you so very much. Love, Mommy
July 10, 2012
My sweet princess, I miss you so very much. I was very upset all day yesterday, which was your birthday. If you had lived, you would have been 19 years old!! Just think, I would have gotten to hold you once again on your birthday, sing to you and give you a present, as well as you and Sam, if he had lived, and the two Yorkies, would have had a birthday party for you. I regret every day of my life, my mistake of leaving you with the vet the day I did. You know in your heart, I thought he could be trusted, but as we all know, he could not. I am so very sorry. I loved you so much and still love you with all my heart. I will always love you, my precious girl. You are in heaven with your beautiful brother, Sam, so you can celebrate your 19th birthday with him and all your new friends in heaven. I will see you again someday and we will celebrate all the birthdays we missed. Mommy loves you.
October 22, 2012
Hi my sweet girl. I miss you so very much. You were my little sweet girl. You were always so sweet and precious. I think about the many times I used to sneak you into fancy hotels all wrapped up like a baby and no one ever knew the difference. You were so good and quiet that no one knew you were there. I could not bear to leave you to go on trips. You were my baby and therefore you went everywhere with me, except to work, and then sometimes I even took you to work. People were amazed at how well behaved you were, better than most children. There will never be another Nikki. I may care for many more fur babies, but you will always have a special place in my heart. To me, you were a "human" and I loved you as such. Take good care of your little brother and I will visit you again really soon. I will always love you. Love, Mommy
November 12, 2012
Hi Mommy's precious little princess. I love you and I miss you so much. Today is the third anniversary of Sam's passing. It seems like yesterday because the pain still cuts through my heart. It is so hard to believe that you have been gone for six years and Sam for three. You both changed my life in so many ways. I am a better person for having had both of you to care for. I am not so sure I would be alive today if it were not for both of you. Nikki, you were my baby for so long. You loved me so much and I new you depended on me. The love I had for you was likened to that of loving a human being. There just was not any difference. Then when I knew you needed a little sister or brother, God sent Sam to us. He was perfect for you and for me in every way. God knew just exactly when and where to send him to us. Instead of being a sister to him, you were like a little mother to him. He loved you so very much. I've never seen a little dog take to another the way he took to you. Now, he is your companion, brother, and protector. You both are walking and playing with God. I know He loves you both so very much. I am so grateful to Him for allowing me to be your human Mommy. I will see you again one day and we will be a family again. We will run and play and cuddle together for all eternity. That thought is what keeps me going. Watch over little Sam and know I think of you every day that goes by. You are in my prayers and thoughts always. I love you with all my heart. Mommy
December 25, 2012
Hi Princess, I love you and I miss you so very much. I want to wish you Happy Hanukkah and Merry Christmas. I am so very sad at not having you with me for yet another Christmas. Ever since you died there is no joy for me any more. I really try. As long as Sam was alive, I put up the tree and wrapped presents for him. But after he died, all my joy was gone. My granddaughter has to split her time between her mom and dad, so I have no tree or any celebrations at my home. I did however, get the Yorkies presents and they have been enjoying playing with them. I miss you and Sam so much. My heart breaks this time every year because it was such a special time for you and Sam. You brought so much joy and happiness into my life. You and Sam playing with your presents, tearing up paper and acting just like you knew everything that was going on. You even liked to cuddle with me next to the fire. I know that life goes on and nothing stays the same, but it is just so very hard to accept and continue living without you. Every day you are in my thoughts. I loved you with all my heart and soul. When you died, part of me went with you. I do want you to be happy in heaven, which I know you are. Wait for me, because I will join you one day. Until then, my little love, take care of Sam and walk with God. Love always and forever, Mommy.
April 14, 2013
Hi my darling Nikki. I love you so very much. I miss you each and every day. Today is the 7th anniversary of your passing. I still cannot believe it. The horror of your untimely and unnecessary death haunts me every passing moment of my life. I will never get over that day. I have accepted that you are with God and that you are at peace. I also know that your little spirit lives on. I truly believe your spirit is with me through little Zorro. I believe with all my heart that you saw how much pain I was in and you comfort me through Zorro. He is so much like you. His personality, actions and his unconditional love. He is with me very minute I am home and sleeps with me just like you did. When I look into his eyes, I see you looking back at me. Especially on the days that the thoughts of how you died haunt me. We are supposed to forgive, but I cannot forgive the person who caused your death. I pray to God every day to help me to forgive because if HE forgave the people who crucified His son, then I should be able to forgive. I just can't bring myself to forgive someone who would hurt an innocent animal, who meant the world to me, who was my life. You know Nikki, when you died, a part of me died that day. The only reason I did not die is your little brother, Sam. I knew I had to take care of him. You are and will always be in my heart. I treasure the memories of you and how precious you were and the joy you brought to my life. You made me a better person. You touched the lives of every person you met. Everyone who one knew you, loved you. I wait for the day when I can hold you again, brush your beautiful hair and give you hundreds of kisses. Until then, my love, walk with God, as I am trying to do. I love you with all my heart and soul. I will love you forever. Mommy
July 9, 2013
Hi precious little girl. My goodness, if you had lived, you would be 20 today!! Just think, you and my grandson were born a few days apart. He is in college and you are walking with God. I know He is taking care of you now. When I come to be with you, I will care for you like I did when you were on Earth with me. Happy Birthday, sweet princess. I so wish you were here so we could celebrate with toys and puppy cake and ice cream just for you. I remember I used to have parties for you and put your party hat on you and you loved every minute of it, especially tearing into your presents. I miss those days so much. I miss you so very much, each and every day. I hope you and Sam are having a good time, running around and chasing squirrels and cats and playing with all the other pets who have joined you in Heaven. You were and always will be my special, precious princess. You were such a beautiful girl and so well mannered and smart. I wish everyone could have a companion like you. When I lost you, I lost my baby girl. Only those who love pets as much as I, can know the pain of losing one so close and one who meant so much to me. My sweet girl, I will always love you and you will always be in my heart forever. Watch for me, because I will come for you one day. Give Sam a big kiss and be good for God. I will love you forever and always. Mommy
December 25, 2013
Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah my sweet baby girl. I know that you know how much I miss you. Every holiday, especially this one, my heart breaks when I look at your movies and pictures and remember how much you and Sam loved to open your presents. Remember how Sam loved to sleep under the tree. It's like he thought the tree was just for him. This year I did put up a tree with the Star of David on top. Yours and Sam's ornaments are on the tree. I put it up in remembrance of the two of you and the Yorkies are really enjoying it. Bella sneaked under the tree and found one of her presents and dragged it out so proud. She reminded me of you the way she looked when she had found something that she knew was hers. We have moved to a new home. I packed your memorial away but I still have a tribute to you and Sam: your urns and your pictures. I can look at them every day and be reminded of the love we shared while you were here on Earth. Today, I know you are with God, happy and whole. You may be happy to know that after 7 years, the courts granted justice for you. It is finally a relief that your life being taken from you has not gone unpunished. It still does not bring you back nor does it ease the pain of your loss for me, but now the public knows that the long ordeal of courts was not in vain. I love you so much and miss you every day. I know your spirit dwells in Zorro, if not always, sometimes, because I can feel your little spirit when I look into his eyes. He rocks his baby bear every night just like you rocked your lamb. My precious girl, know that you are in my heart forever and I will hold you again someday. I love you forever and always. Mommy
March 24, 2014
Good morning my angel. It will soon be the anniversary of your passing from Earth to Heaven. I cannot believe it is going to be 8 years, It seems like yesterday. Remember that I told you that God would be take care of you and that your death would not go unpunished. Well, hopefully, that time is getting closer. My heart is still so heavy and the hole in my heart cannot be healed until justice is 100% accomplished for you. I loved you so much and still do. Losing you was like losing a part of me. I have never gotten over the horror you suffered and I can never forget it. My sweet baby, I am glad that you have Sam with you and that you are well and whole once again. One of these days, I will see you again. I love you with all my heart and soul and will never forget you. I love you forever and always. Mommy
April 14, 2014
Hello my sweet baby girl. It is a coincidence this year that Passover begins tonight, on the eve of your passing. My heart is saddened not to have you with me. It is ironic that you, a precious innocent baby died, just as innocent lambs were killed to represent a better time for all. I know that you, my love, are in a better place, sitting in heaven with God, our Father. You died such a horrible death, just as Jesus did. He was innocent, just as you were an innocent baby who died at the hand of a brutal person; who, someday will pay for his sin against you and others he has harmed. I think about you every day of my life and miss you today just as much as I missed you 8 years ago. It does not seem fair that such a beautiful, vibrant little girl should have had to suffer like you did. There are so many evil people in this world and it seems that more and more are cropping up every day. One day, God will tire of all of this and call his children home. I will be especially happy for that day to arrive. I know in my heart that you and little Sam will be waiting for me. I have so many precious memories of you and how smart you were. You were certainly a unique baby. No one could resist your beauty. You could have been crowned a world class beauty. Please remember how much I loved you and as you continue to look down, you can see how much you still mean to me. You are forever in my heart and will always be a piece of my soul, because a part of me went with you when you left this world. Give your brother a kiss and know that I will cuddle you again someday. I love you always and forever, Mommy.
July 19, 2014
Happy belated birthday, my precious girl. I am so sorry that I did not write to you 10 days ago. I did not forget your birthday, but I did forget to post your birthday wishes. If you had lived, you would be 21 years old. Not many fur babies live to that age,but I think if your life had not be taken from you, I would still have you with me today. I think about you every day of my life and miss you always. I am working on another PhD and I remember how you would lay on my desk and watch me work. Every place I went in the house, you were right there by my side. I could talk to you and you would look at me and move your head from side to side just like you understood what I was saying. Those big beautiful brown eyes could see right into my soul. You became a part of me and that is why when you died, a part of me died also. There is nothing that can heal the hole that is in my heart. I have tried to accept your death, but I cannot. I am comforted though to know that you are not suffering, that you are loved by God and that I will see you and hold you again someday. So, my precious angel, happy birthday and I will talk to you again soon. I love you with all my heart and soul. Mommy
November 12, 2014
Hi my angel,
Today is the anniversary of Sam's passing to join you in heaven. I have half of my heart in heaven. It is with the two of you. I miss you so very much. Especially with the holidays approaching, because you and Sam seemed to know it was the holiday season. Maybe it was because of all the presents, extra treats and a house full of people for you to play with. You were always the center of attention. There has never been a more beautiful, smart and talented little girl as you were. You were absolutely the love of my life. When Sam came along, then I had two loves of my life. You and Sam were so great together. He loved you with all his heart. Bless his little heart, he mourned your passing along with me. Poor little fellow never barked again from the day you passed until he went to be with you. I'll bet when he saw you, he was so delighted that he probably barked for hours. He used to run at you and bark and bark to get you to play with him. He was so funny. I remember you would watch him bury his treats, and you would wait for him to leave and you would go "steal" his treats. But you were so sweet, when he saw you, you dropped them for him to have. You two were so funny. When you passed, the light went out from me. I kept going for Sam, but when he passed, I wanted to give up on everything. My sister would not let that happen. She brought Zorro and later Bella for me to love and care for. You never got to meet them but Sam met both of them before he passed. He was too sick to interact with them, but I am sure he would have loved them too. Take care of your little self and your little brother. Have fun, run, live and play until your heart's content. Just know that I am coming for both of you one day. I think of you both everyday. I loved you with all my heart. I still do. I love you forever and always. Mommy
December 25, 2014
Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah my precious little one. I miss you. I love you so very much. Every year that passes just means that I am getting closer to seeing you again someday. I put up a tree again this year for Zorro and Isabella Rose. The tree is not for me because I can never be happy again with the tradition that we shared, celebrating Hanukkah and Christmas together with you and Sam playing under the tree. Remember how he always slept under the tree and the two of you would drink the tree's water? I loved watching the two of you tear into your presents. Those days are precious memories.I will never forget you my angel. You are in my thoughts daily. You will always be in my heart. I love you forever and always. Mommy
February 14, 2015
Happy Valentine's Day, my beautiful girl! I miss you so very much. I miss you especially today. It is Valentine's Day. If you were here, I would get you a Valentine's Day doggie ice cream cake. Do you remember Molly, Tanji's little dog? She died yesterday. She was very sick. I know she is there in Rainbows Bridge, so look for her and let her know her Mommy loves her and misses her like I miss you. They buried her under the big oak tree in her back yard. She loved to chase squirrels like you. So, go and find her and go chase some squirrels together. Let her know that her Mommy will come for her one day just like I will come for you. Remember how very much I loved you and I still do. I will never forget your beautiful face. Kiss Sam for me too. I love you forever and always. Mommy
April 14, 2015
Hi my precious baby. Today, you have been gone 9 years. It is still very difficult and my heart has not healed. I suppose some form of healing has begun to take place. However, my heart is still aching for you. Yours is the first face I see when I wake up every morning and the last thing I see before I go to sleep. Only people who have loved their furbaby like I loved you can understand the pain of the loss of a true family member. I loved you so very much and still do. You were my heart. You meant the world to me and when you died, I did not have a world any longer.I think about poor little Sam who ran all over the house looking for you everyday. He would look at me with his one big blue eye, pleading to know where you were and if you were coming back. I had let him sniff your ashes, but I think he was holding out hope that you would come back to us.He is with you now, so at least the two of you have each other.I have beautiful memories that I cherish. I know that you are an angel now so you can minister to other little animals. I will come for you one day and together we will remember all the wonderful times we had together. Until that comes, please know how much I loved you and still do. I love you forever and always. Mommy
July 9, 2015
Hello sweet angel,
Happy Birthday!! If you had lived, you would be 22 years old today. I remember bringing you home for the first time and every birthday after that day. You were the cutest little ball of fur and grew into the most beautiful furbaby I have ever seen. Not only were you beautiful physically, but you had the biggest heart and the kindest soul. Everyone who met you fell in love with you. I like to look at our picture album and remember all the wonderful times we had together here on Earth. I loved you so very much and still do. You are in my heart and will remain there until I pass into heaven. I just want to pick you up and squeeze you and kiss your little face. I hope you have a wonderful day, running around and playing with all of your new friends and Sam. He loved you so much and I am happy that the two of you have each other now. I will see you one day. I love you forever and always. Mommy
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