Memories of Nikki
We will always love and cherish all the fun times and there were too many to write about. You are in heaven now our son. Rest peacefully and know you are forever in our hearts - our boy, my POOPER DOOPER!
Mommy and Daddy
1/16/12 - its only been 3 days since you have left us and our lives are so empty. mommy and daddy miss you so much. the house feels like our hearts "empty" with out you. good night our sweet boy and we will talk to you in the morning.
1/17/12 pm - Well today we picked up your ashes our little boy. We also picked up your medical records and see how sick you really were. We are so thankful to have had you in our lives for the years we did but it's so hard not having you here with us. Now you are back home with us where you belong and will always be, by our sides. We love you our son and miss you terribly.
1/18/12 - Today we both went back to work and it was so hard to leave the house this morning and not see your cute little face as we woke up and got ready for work. Mommy missed being able to say, "come on Nik, it's time to get up, you have to go do pee pee with Daddy"! Daddy missed being able to walk you, give you a cookie and leave the tv on for you. The house is so empty without you. We love you our baby. Sleep tight and til we are able to see you once again. We love you forever.
1/22/12 - Hi Pooper, today mommy and daddy had a very busy day. Daddy put up shelves so we could put up the memorials we created for you in the house. We now have some nice shelves in our bedroom that hold your ashes, pictures and some of your hair. Mommy also decided to put the ashes of her first dog, Red her Golden Retriever, next to you so you are both together since you are now both at Rainbow Bridge. Daddy also created a beautiful spot for you in the living room as we have 2 urns for you. One urn is the one we got from the ER Animal Hospital after you passed and we have your picture on that and we carry you all around the house. The other urn is a Rainbow Bridge urn which sits in the living room, along with little miniature Shih Tzu angel figurines and other Shih Tzu figurines plus we have your pictures everywhere. Mommy printed out tons of pictures of you today and next we will make up some albums just of you. Nan and Pop came over today and we looked through all the pictures of you all the way back from 1997 when mommy first got you until your last few weeks with us. Nan took some extra copies of your pictures home with her and we gave her your last bed so her dog, Kodee (your buddy) could use it since you both were so close. Well Nan and Pop went home now and me and Daddy are sitting around, watching tv with you by our side. We hope you had a good day, got to meet some new friends and play. Know that we love you and miss you dearly and that someday we will all be together again.
2/1/12 - Hi Nikker, well only 2 1/2 weeks have past since you left this earth and Mommy and Daddy are so wishing you were still here with us. Nothing much is happening in our lives since you are gone. We are just sad and lonely, even though me and Daddy have each other, it's a different kind of loneliness. Our hearts are empty and we miss so much about you. That little smiling face, the ruff ruff bark when we didn't let you out right away, giving you your pills and making your chicken and rice. So much has changed but we know we must learn to cope and let your rest. We still talk to you all the time, especially at home, but the house is very empty without you. Please continue to give us some signs that you are with us. We will write to you again soon our baby but know that Mommy and Daddy are thinking about you every minute of our lives.
2/14/12 - Happy Valentine's Day Pooper, Mommy and Daddy just wanted to send you a Valentine and let you know we are thinking about you and wishing you could send us a Valentine in person. We miss you so much and love you forever. Daddy thought he felt you walking around on the bed last night so if this is you sending us messages that you are ok, please keep doing it. While time is supposed to make all things better, it still has not made it any easier for us to be without you. Rest my boy and we hope you have a wonderful Valentine's Day! Now that you are in heaven you can eat all the chocolate you want to enjoy but don't overdo it. We love you Nik. Til we write again.
2/20/12 - Good morning Nik, Mommy and Daddy got home last night after taking a trip down to the NJ Shore and Atlantic City. We had you with us on our necklaces and on mommy's wrist and as always in our hearts. We left on Friday, 2/17 and before leaving the weirdest things happened. Our washer that was broken since 12/22/11 while you were still here with us, all of a sudden starting working again and is still working now that we are back home - did you do that for us??? Plus our horoscopes for that same day, were very unusual but seemed to all reflect you leaving us but still being with us and believing in angels and that good things were going to start happening for us, so we definitely knew that was you. Friday, 2/17 was 5 weeks to the day that Mommy left for her trip with Aunt Irene to go to the casinos in CT so I was so said remembering you 5 weeks ago sitting next to me on the bed while I got ready to leave that day. Then later that night you left us but stayed alive long enough for Mommy to drive back home and get to see you and tell you how much I love you my baby. I love you so much and miss you and my heart aches but I know I just have to start letting you play and rest up in heaven.
2/27/12 - Hi Nikki, Daddy is sitting here at work looking at your photo,this past friday was 6 weeks since you left us. There is not a minute that goes by that we don't talk about you or miss that sweet face. Mommy is home sick today so maybe you can give her a sign that you are there with her. We still carry your ashes around the house and we still have you sit with us on the couch when we watch tv. I put you in your favorite spot, there on the couch where you always sat and slept. Mommy had a friend over the other night and all she did was talk about you and how she was first introduced to you when she worked at IBM. Even mommy's friend got upset when she heard about how you left us. Please know that you are always in pur hearts and thoughts every minute of the day. We love you and miss you so very much. The house and our hearts are so empty since you have left us but we know that someday we will all be together. We can't wait until we see you running to us in heaven. Have a good day playing in the sunshine and with all of your new friends. We will write again very soon.
3/2/12 - Morning my baby, well today is 7 weeks since you left us. Mommy is sitting here at work just staring into space thinking about you and missing you so much. This week has been a really hard week for me and Mommy has been in a really bad mood for some reason. I think alot is because I miss you so much and also Mommy is worried for Nanny. She went for her next scan and we get the results today to see if she is still cancer free. So Nik if you can help Nanny to remain cancer free that would be wonderful. So many sad things are happening lately and Mommy has been so emotional. I know it all comes with getting older and it's part of life but it doesn't mean we have to like it. Mommy and Daddy miss you so much but we know you are in a better place and your health is back to normal. But we miss you our little boy so much!! Well have a great day, go play, eat and have fun. We hope you are meeting lots of nice friends up there. Until we see you again some day. We will write again soon.
3/8/12 - Hi Nikker, Mommy is on her lunch hour at work and writing to see how you are doing today. I wanted to let you know that Nanny's test results came back ALL CLEAR and she does NOT have cancer in her lungs anymore and we are all so happy, so thank you Nik for all the good thoughts and prayers! We all miss you so much and not a day goes by that we don't think of you and talk to you. The house is still very empty along with our hearts but we are starting to realize that you really were sick and we just have to be thankful that in your last hours with you that you didn't suffer too much. Mommy is also starting to come to terms with not being home for the whole day with you but it's still hard to know I missed being able to hold you and comfort you during those last hours with Daddy!!! I hope you forgive me for going away that day and know you were and still are on my mind and I love you. Nan and Pop brought Kodee to the same animal hospital today to get his leg checked out but there's not much they can do for him because it is a tumor and they would have to remove his leg. So Nan and Pop are just going to leave things as they are since Kodee doesn't seem to be in any pain and hope for the best because they don't want Kodee to have to suffer with having only 3 legs. He's not in any pain and still gets around very well, running like a crazy person like he always did so we can only hope that he doesn't get any worse. Kodee misses you every time we stop by to see Nan and Pop and I always tell him that you are in heaven and you guys will see each other again some day, as we all will. It is a beautiful day outside today, nice and warm for March - you would love it! Well my baby, let me go back to eating my lunch for now. Tomorrow will be 8 weeks since you were here with us - the time is going by fast but in many ways slow because we still wish you were here. Continue to come to us in any way you want my dear Nikker and just know you are always with us! We love you!
3/14/12 - Good Morning Nikki, Daddy is sitting at his desk this morning looking at your jersey shore photo, we miss you so much. The house is so empty without you. We still look at your paw prints that are on the floor, we cant bring ourselves to clean them. We want you to know that Mommy and Daddy really miss having you around and we will always love you. This was a quick note to you this morning, daddy has to get back to work and deal with all his children...Have a good day playing with all your friends today and just keep watching over the both of us and keep sending little signals that you are still around.
3/24/12 - Hi Nikker, Mommy is home today and not working taxes so I can get some things done at home. Daddy went to his annual game dinner today. You are always with us and we still miss you so much. This has been another bad week/month for Mommy as I miss you so much and still cry about you not being here with us. I'm actually crying a little right now just looking at your pictures and wishing you were sitting with me now while Daddy is out. I'm having a very hard time bringing myself to terms with you not with me. You were such a big part of my life and every day I hope I told you and showed you enough. I love you my little pooper and miss you terribly!!! The weather has been very nice here, you'd never know we are still in March. You would be loving this weather and sitting right by the door waiting to just go sit on the deck and enjoy the sun and breeze. But now you get to be in the sun every day and you have your health again. Well enjoy your day my little boy. We miss you and love you more than we can ever express. Keep coming to us Nik and showing us that you are ok.
4/5/12 - Good Morning Nikki, Daddy is at work early this week and i we just want you to know that we are still very sad and lonely that you are not with us. We still feel empty inside because your not with us. We want you to know that Mommy and Daddy will always love you and will always miss you. We sat on the deck the other night when it was warmer and it wasnt the same because you were not with us. We missed you wanting to go in and out of the house and giving us that little bark ( that we miss so much ) when you want in. Its never going to be the same again. I told Mommy that maybe when we sell the house and move it might take a little pain away from us but the pain will never go away. Well have a great day in heaven and keep looking down on us and sending us little signs that you are ok. We love you and Miss you always.
4/13/12 - Hi there baby, well it is so hard to believe that today is 3 months to the day, that horrible day of another Friday the 13th, that you left us here on this earth. Actually in another few minutes (about 7:40pm) you will have passed on to the gates of heaven and Rainbow Bridge. Mommy and Daddy really miss you Nik and love you more than life itself. Mommy had a very scary two days this week when I ended up fainting twice on Tuesday night/early Wednesday morning along with having some back and chest pains and trouble breathing so daddy rushed me to the hospital. Thankfully all my tests were negative. The doctors really don't know what is causing my back pain or why I fainted so I just need to try and take it easy. They said it could be stress so I've got to try and hold myself together more and not get so upset about things. Daddy was very scared as well but he was so great and held himself together well! It is so hard not to have you here next to me. Mommy stayed home today to rest and will be back to working taxes tomorrow but I only have a few days left. Daddy is busy with his new job and things will start to get a lot busier for him really soon. That's when I know I am going to miss having you here to stay with me even more but Daddy needs to take care of things and Mommy just has to learn to cope. We miss you our son and love you. We will finally be having the surprise party for Nanny next Saturday and then we will be going on vacation in another 2 weeks. We will have you with us around our neck so you can come to FL and visit the islands we will be crusing to. We hope you are havng fun up in heaven and making lots of new friends. Everyone must love you as you are the best dog anyone could have ever asked for. Have a great night my love and we will write again soon.
4/24/12 - Good morning Poopey, Mommy and Daddy are at work today and wishing it was already Friday so we could be in FL and then getting ready for our cruise. We wish you were here with us but know that we can't make that happen. Each and every day we miss you so much but know that you are well again. Nik, it is so hard to be without you. Mommy still cries all the time and I'm just very sad since you are not here with me. I know I need to get out of this funk and I ask you to help me. Please just come to me and let me know that you are ok and give me some peace so I can go on without being so depressed and down about everything lately. I just wanted to say hi and send you love from Mommy and Daddy. We will write again soon, either before or after we get back from vacation but I didn't want this week to go bye without writing to you. We love you and miss you. Have a good day and we'll talk to you again soon.
5/14/12 - Hi Nikker, well Mommy and Daddy are back at work today after being on vacation for a little more than 2 weeks. We had a really nice vacation and a great cruise and got to really relax. This trip we got to take your ashes with us, wearing them in our jewelry. We hope you had a great time with us on this vacation but it's still not the same without your warm, furry body sitting next to us. It was really hard to go away and not think about you. Mommy kept telling Daddy it was so weird not to have to call Nanny and Pop to see how you were doing. We still miss you so much Nikker and we are trying to cope with not having you around. Now that Mommy isn't working 2 jobs, I am going to make time to create some photo albums with all your pictures and also put up a few more pictures of you around the house. The house is very lonely but I keep thinking you are right there with us - we know you are here with us in spirit, we just wish you were here in body but without all the pain and discomfort. We had wonderful weather for our entire trip in FL, on the cruise and again back in FL. On our last night in FL we saw another Shih Tzu that looked alot like you but she was a girl and looking at her made mommy cry and think about you and how much I miss you. I'm sorry I haven't written for a few weeks but it was hard to get to a computer while we were on the cruise and in FL. Please know you are always in our hearts and minds. We are now back at home and carry you next to us, whether watching tv, working on the computer or just sitting in bed. I keep feeling you have not left us Nik but then reality sets in and I know I won't be coming home to that crooked smile and that wagging tail. Please keep giving me signs that you are ok and well again. Play nice with your friends and have a wonderful time. We love and miss you terribly!
5/29/12 - Hi there Nik, we hope you are having alot of fun up in heaven and at Rainbow Bridge. Mommy and Daddy came home early yesterday morning from going to the beach and Atlantic City for Daddy's birthday weekend. We had fun but didn't have any luck at the casinos. We had you with us around our necks but think you may have been annoyed that we went away again after just coming back from our cruise and FL trip and you just wanted to stay home. Our luck just wasn't there this trip so now we have to try to work on putting money away again to make up for the damage Mommy did!!! But that's ok, we know you are always with us in our hearts and souls and we miss you so very much. Mommy saw a small dog on the beach that instantly reminded me of you and brought back the memories of when we went to Montauk with Aunt Diane so many years ago when you were just a pup. The time is going by so slowly without you because I feel like I haven't had you with me for years and years and it's only been a little more than 4 months. I can't think or talk about you without crying and it still hurts so much to not have you next to me. Sometimes I feel like my purpose in life has been lost and I feel so empty inside but me and Daddy know you are much better off up in heaven. I'm still feeling very down and depressed and hope this feeling goes away soon because I don't want it to affect things with Daddy. Well I just wanted to say hi and tell you how much we love and miss you. We'll write again so have a great day and lots of fun!!
6/11/12 - Hi baby, it's been a few weeks since we wrote you and Mommy just wanted to say hi. I had a bunch of dreams this past weekend with you in them where you were laying on the bed all stretched out like you used to and looking up at me. They were so real that in my dream I actually told Daddy, look Nikki's here with us! I know you are here with us always in heart and spirit but miss holding you, talking to you and just having you near me terribly. Just keep coming to me Nikker because each time I see you, hear your bark or hear a noise that reminds me of you, I just know that's your way of telling me you are okay up in heaven!! Just remember we love you, forever and ever. We'll write again but just wanted to say hi.
6/14/12 - Hi Nik, I know I only wrote you a few days ago but I wanted to tell you that our washer stopped working again last night. We hope that's not you telling us you are not doing ok. It's just weird that it started to work again back in February and after you had left us almost 1 month and now it's not working agin and you have been up in heaven 5 months to the date last night when it stopped wroking! So if this is you and you can fix the machine for us again please do! But even if it is you and you can't fix the machine, that's ok...we can always just do what we were doing before to use the machine until we are ready to buy a new one. Well baby, the weather has stopped raining and next weekend we are having another yard sale at Nanny and Pops. It will be very lonely there without you barking while upstairs with Kodee but we will be thinking about you and know that you'll be there with us in heart and spirit. Well Popper, just wanted to say hi while I had a free minute. We love you and miss you. Please keep showing us signs you are doing ok. We'll write again soon but love you forever and ever,
6/21/12 - Hi Nikker, Mommy just wanted to say hi quickly while I'm taking a short break. It's very hot outside today, you really wouldn't like it so I hope you are having much better weather up there in heaven. Mommy and Daddy want to thank you again so much for helping fix our washing machine. It actually started working again within a day or two of my writing to you last so if you had anything to do with that - thank you so much! Mommy and Daddy have been very busy at work and we are working very long hours. Yesterday while I was driving home I was thinking about you and how with you having been so sick it would have been very hard to leave you alone while we are working so much. But I would give anything to have you here with us and would be coming home to you at a moments notice if that was possible. Well just wanted to say hi. Daddy has been very busy and hasn't been able to write but he does look at your site to see your beautiful pictures and say hi. We love you so much Nik and miss you terribly. Please keep showing us you are with us. We'll write again soon.
7/4/12 - Happy birthday my little man, daddy is here at work and looking at your photo. We wish you were still here with us so we could celebrate your birthday but im sure your having a great time in heaven with all your friends. Please know that mommy and daddy miss you every minute of every day. It is not getting any easier, the pain of losing you is still with us. Just the other night i swear that i felt you lying between my legs on the bed. Just know that Mommy and Daddy still and will always love you and miss you. Have a beautiful birthday in heaven and make sure you dont eat to much cake and play to much.
7/4/12 - Hi Nik, Mommy didn't want this day to go by without writing to wish you a Happy Birthday! We hope you are having fun today and every day up in Heaven. We miss you so much my baby and hope you are doing ok. The same night Daddy thought he felt you laying between his legs, a few minutes later I thought I heard you jump off the bed and make that thumping sound you always made! We love you baby. Mommy is going away for a few days starting tomorrow with Aunt Irene but I will be bringing your ashes with me and holding them close to my heart. I'll write when I get back Nik but remember we love you very much. Enjoy the rest of your birthday and we'll talk to you soon. Keep coming to us because that joy of knowing you are with us helps us get through this horrible time of missing you.
7/13/12 - hi baby, we just wanted to say hi to our little boy and let you know how much we miss you. Today is 6 months to the exact date that you left us at about 7:40pm. Mommy is very sad today replaying that horrible day and night in my head over and over again. Daddy tells me all the time that it is a good thing that I didn't have to see you suffer as he did that final day because it would have been too much for me to handle. We miss you so very much and love you forever and always. Please keep coming to us Nikki and let us know you are okay! Daddy has been sick with a horrible cold and bad cough for 3 weeks now. Nik please help him to feel better real soon, he needs his strength and to remain healthy because mommy needs him with her always!
7/19/12 - Hi Nikker, Mommy is at work and looking at your picture on my shelf, on my computer, on my phone. I have you everywhere! I just wanted to say hi and send you my love. I miss you so much every single day. Daddy is still sick, it's now been 4 weeks so we are going back to the doctor for the 3rd time tonight. We will be going on vacation next weekend with Nan, Pop and Koddee and we will miss you terribly but you will be with us, always. This weekend is mommy and daddy's 12 year wedding anniversary! Remember Nik when Daddy came into our lives and we both became very happy. You loved him so much and he immediately fell in love with you, but what's not to love, you were and are the best son/dog that anyone could ever ask for. I still see glimpses of you around the house and sometimes even feel like you are right there with me. Keep coming to us my son and remember we love you always. We hope you are having fun up in heaven and being a good boy!! I'll write again soon but wanted to say hi.
7/27/12 - Hi baby, mommy and daddy are home today packing for our trip to the Jersey shore with Nan, Pop and Koddee. This trip is bitter sweet since we don't have you with us but Nan is feeling better so we can go on this trip this year. We are going to miss you so much this week but we know you are always with us. It's not going to be the same without your little body riding in the car with us, sitting on mommy's lap and then going to the hotel and having you lay on the bed next to us and keeping Koddee company. We miss you so much Nik but realize you are no longer in pain. Today Daddy went to get his car inspected and say another small dog that apparently hates men but this dog loved Daddy and even jumped up and sat in his lap, just the same way you used to so I know that was you telling Daddy you are ok! The woman owner could not believe this dog was being affectionate to daddy because it growls and barks at every other man that comes around! That just confirmed to me that you were in that dog telling Daddy you are ok!
8/6/12 - Hi baby, well we are home from our vacation at the Jersey shore and we missed having you with us. It wasn't the same without you and Mommy could tell that Koddee missed you too! Nan and Pop didn't really seem to have a good time so they ended up leaving a few days early and went home on Thursday. Mommy and Daddy had an okay time but it really just wasn't the same without you there with us. Nan and Pop are just getting too old to enjoy vacations and that's another sad thing for Mommy but I can't control what they like and don't like so it was for the best they went home early. We got to see our friends from FL and VA Beach while we were away so that was nice. The weather wasn't great for the first 1/2 of the week with lots of storms which would have made you very scared from all the thunder! We came home on Saturday but Mommy caught a bad cold so I've been trying to rest so I can get better to go back to work by Wednesday. Daddy went back to work today and I know he's probably very busy so Mommy wanted to write you today to tell you that we both love and miss you terribly! Keep coming to us Nik and give us signs that all is okay for you. This morning I swore I heard you give out that one bark when you were ready to get up out of bed but when I woke up I knew you were up in heaven saying good morning to me! I love you my baby and miss you. We'll write again but Mommy just wanted to say hi.
8/17/12 - Hi Nik, well Mommy made through a full week of work after going on vacation and then being sick for the past week with bronchitis. We haven't felt your presence too much lately so Mommy wanted to write and tell you how much we miss you. Please know Nik that we always think of you and you are always in our hearts even if we don't get to write to you that often. We are still so sad over the loss of you but know you are in a better place for your health. Mommy had completed blocked out of her head that we had been told by our regular vet only 1 week before you left us that there seemed to be either an enlarged spleen or something going on with your heart and I guess our vet was right! We had that appointment scheduled for you to see the specialist on 1/20 but your little body couldn't take it anymore and you left us one week before we could take you. I sometimes feel so horrible that we didn't take you immediately but Daddy always says there was nothing more we could have done because you had been sick for so long and we were lucky to had you around for as long as we did. My little boy, Mommy misses you and cries for you but I know I need to move on. I will never forget you and you are always in my heart but just remember I love you! I need to feel your presence Nik so please try to come to Mommy often so I can cope with this easier. Love you my boy,
8/30/12 - Hi Nik, Mommy just wanted to write to see how you are doing and to say hi. We miss you our beloved son so much. There are days when we come home from work and Mommy still expects to see you running down the stairs or thinks to herself, I've got to go up into the bedroom and get my little Nikker! I know it's been more than 7 months since you've left us but it is still so hard not having you around. Just know you are forever in our thoughts and in our heart and we think about you all the time. Mommy and Daddy hope you are doing ok and that you know how much we miss you. Tomorrow we are going back to the shore in Atlantic City and plan to go to the pool or beach and to see a concert and show at night so we don't spend alot of time and money gambling. Hopefully this trip can be a good one financially for us and maybe Mommy and Daddy can both win and we can bring home some extra money and for once in a long time be big winners! Well I just wanted to say hi baby while I had some free time. Remember how much we love you and miss you our son.
9/20/12 - Hi Nik, Mommy just wanted to say a quick hello and see how you are doing. Nanny went for her 6 month check-up and CT scan for her lung cancer and all is still clear - thank God! Mommy and Daddy are going to the doctor tonight for a check up too and hoping all is well. Not much other than work is going on in our lives right now but work has been very busy for Daddy. That's why he hasn't written to you because he is 100% consumed with work these days. Mommy is very worried about Daddy because he is very stressed and not really taking care of himself so please help me watch over Daddy to make sure he is ok and stays healthy and with me for a very long time. Mommy is going for a bunch of tests myself because I'm still having those stomach and throat problems and hoping that this time they will find out what's going on and resolve it once and for all. Well Mommy has to go, I'm at work and my boss just called. I will write again soon but I wanted to say hi and send our love baby.
11/8/12 - Hi Nikker, how are you my baby? We are very sorry we haven't written to you in a while. Things have been alittle busy between Mommy studying for an IRS tax exam, which I've now passed - thank god - and Daddy just always being busy with his new job. We miss you my baby and mommy still talks to you every day. I wanted to let you know that Aunt Grace died on Monday night but by now she is probably up in heaven with you having a blast! She always loved you and was the person who actually fell in love with you first because she saw you at IBM and then came and got me from my office to bring me in to see you and from that moment on, I was in love with you, my son!!! We just got back from FL and while mommy kind of had fun, daddy was busy with his job and all the responsibilities he now has. Nik, please watch over us and make sure Daddy's health is ok because he is really, really stressed out these days. Mommy needs Daddy to be around for a long time so we can both have a long, enjoyable life together. Nan and Pop are doing good and Koddee is still his nutty self but we can tell he misses you because every time I go see them he is looking for you. Some day we will all meet again but until then please be safe my son. Play and enjoy the beautiful weather up there because it is very cold here already and you would not like it. It snowed last night and it took daddy almost 4 hours to get home. We miss hearing your little bark, that thump you always made when you'd jump off the bed and just your handsome smile with those crooked teeth! Well have a wonderful day my son, say hi to all of our beloved family, friends and pets up there with you and just watch over all of us down here so we can all remain healthy and have a long happy life together.
12/6/12 - Morning Pooper, I know it's been a while since we have written to you and we are sorry. Time just seems to go by but more important things are just so lonely without you. Mommy has been very down in the dumps and missing you terribly. Maybe it's because it is near the holiday season and not having you here with us is really getting to me but I miss you so much!!!! Mommy just has to get on with her life and try to break out of this funk and depression. I've just been feeling so unhappy with everything lately and it's not really anyone's fault just my own feelings. Poor Daddy keeps trying to figure out how to get me out of this but I don't think there's anything anyone can do, it will just take me time. I'm so unhappy at work because I want to do more but am not allowed and work for a horrible self controling person. Daddy is very unhappy at work also but with his boss not his job because he likes his work, he's just under alot of stress and has no time for anything these days.
12/23/12 - Hi baby, Mommy just wanted to write to you and say an early Merry Christmas! We miss you so much and preparing for the holidays just has not been the same without you. Daddy put up his Christmas decorations outside but said it was not the same, not having you inside barking at him, wanted to come out and be with him. Mommy only did alittle decorating inside this year because I'm just not into the holidays. In time I'll get better but right now I'm just down in the dumps. We're going to Nan and Pops for Christmas Eve but you will be with us in our hearts as you always are. We miss you my baby but have a wonderful holiday and Merry Christmas. Give everyone up in heaven a big hug and kiss for us. We'll again again soon but Merry Christmas baby.
01/14/13 - Hi baby, I don't want to say Happy Anniversary because it certainly is not a HAPPY one. It is so hard to believe that yesterday/last night 1/13 was 1 year since you left us and went up to heaven and rainbow bridge. Mommy and Daddy took a ride up to Mohegan Sun on Saturday and stayed overnight because Mommy just didn't want to be in the house for the weekend. I really needed to be away from the place that me and Daddy laid crying for some many hours after you left us. I know there is nothing we can do to bring you back but we miss you so much. Nothing has been the same since you left us. The house is very empty and lonely. Daddy is very unhappy at work and Mommy is starting to worry about him and also think it may be time to start looking to begin our life over again. But we will wait it out again for another few months and see if things get any better. We miss you so much Nikker and hope you realize you are forever in our hearts, prayers, thoughts and dreams. It's been a while since we've had you come to us in dreams, actions, etc. so if there's a way you can start to come to us again, please do. We love you - FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER!!!
2/26/13 - Hi Nik, Mommy just wanted to take a few minutes to write and say hi baby! My heart is still so very empty without you. We still miss you each and every day and while not having you in the house is something we have to get used to it will never be the same. Mommy went on her trip to FL with Aunt Irene and Daddy and Mommy missed each other very much. Mommy's been home for a few weeks but I'm back to my crazy schedule for tax season and know how much Daddy is lonely with both of us at home. If there was a way to bring you back we certainly would have done it but we know you are in heaven looking down on us. Mommy and Daddy really need some time of encouragement these days as things with our jobs is really crappy but we also know we just can't walk away right now. Mommy is hoping that Daddy gets this new job with a new part of DEP which may help us to get back on our feet financially and also help Daddy with the stress he is going through on his job. We miss you our son and love you very much. Please continue to watch over us each and every day. Help us to know you are okay and with us and keep us safe in all our ventures. Please continue to show us you are okay and with us...it's been a really long time since I've felt your presence. We love you Nik and miss you!!!!!
3/28/13 - Hi Nik, Mommy and Daddy wanted to write and say hi. We know we don't write you as often but that doesn't mean we don't still think of you each and every day. We miss you so very much and Mommy is still very lonely inside. Things have been very disappointing for us lately with our jobs. Mommy is unhappy, but for the past 2+ years I pretty much was always unhappy with this last job. Daddy is now really unhappy because the DEP has screwed him over too and it's such a big blow for him and all his hard work. There isn't anything we can do about it but we just keep feeling like these are all signs for us to begin looking to move on from here and possibly even move away to FL sooner than we were thinking. The good news is Daddy got an interview with a new part of the City of NY and Mommy is really hoping he gets this job just so we have more time to try and sell our house and get all our things in order before we really do move to FL. My friend Ellen was actually saying that Nikki is here watching over you both so he will see that things work out. We are just down and out Nik but know things can be much worse. It's been so hard since you're not with us and then not knowing what to do about our jobs, our home and leaving family is kind of too much to bear right now. I told Daddy if he can get a good paying job in FL with CH2M Hill that maybe that's our sign to move in the very near future. So if there's anything you can do to help us out and aim us in the right direction we would really appreciate your guidance! We didn't hit the Powerball last week so we know we need to still keep working LOL!!! Now we just need to figure out do we stay in NY and in our house or do we move on and start over in FL. Help us out Nik because no matter where we go, you will always be with us. We love you baby....please start to come to us again in some shape or form because we really do miss you!!!
5/10/13 - Hi Nikker, how's my little boy? Mommy and Daddy hope you are doing ok. Nothing much is new here other than working and trying to get by each day. We still miss you terribly but we know life has to go on. We are actually thinking about selling the house in the near future all depending on if Daddy gets another job. We are just waiting things out to see what happens and then when the time is right we will sell the house and move, either to FL or somewhere closer to work. Mommy hates to leave Nan and Pop but things are just too expensive up here in NY and it's getting harder and harder to get by financially. It's been a while since I've felt you come to me my baby so please give me a sign some how that you are doing ok. I thought I saw your pee stain in the bedroom by the door show up again the other day but then it may have just been my imagination. Well it looks like a beautiful day outside so I wanted to just say hi and see how you are doing. Daddy is looking into getting that tattoo of you on his leg, we are just waiting for a price. Mommy is going to get a small one of paw prints with your name for now. We love you pooper! Enjoy your day and have fun.
6/19/2013- Hi Nikki, i know i havent written to you in long time but that doesnt mean that i dont think of you every day. I have my favorite photo of you on my desk so i get to look at you every day. Mommy and Daddy miss you very much and it still hurts so much that you are not with us. The funny thing is that the washing machine broke again and we know that if your in the house you can get it to work. We are thinking about moving to florida to start a new journey in our lives, we wish that you were still here to go with us so you can see how beautiful it is. But you will always be in our hearts and in our thoughts. I am hoping to get the photo of you tattoo'd on my leg so you will always be part of me for the rest of my life.Kepp an eye on mommy from heaven because she is still having a difficult time dealing with you leaving us to go to heaven. I will write soon i promise, daddy loves you and misses you very ,much. Go play in heaven with your friends and we will see you soon when we get to heaven.
7/4/13 - Happy birthday baby!!! Well today is your 16th birthday and we know you are celebrating it up in heaven and hope you are having a great time. We miss you so much Nik and not a day goes by that we both don't think about you. Mommy is still very sad that you are not here with us but I understand. Mommy and Daddy may be moving to Florida very soon so we can start all over again. It's going to be hard to leave nan and pop up here alone but they keep saying they will be ok so watch over them Nik, okay! I plan to see them every few months with the help of God and him keeping us all healthy and safe. At first I thought I couldn't leave this house because you were here with us but then I realized you were with us in our other condo and you will always be with us no matter where we live, here on earth, or in heaven. We just wanted to wish you a happy birthday and also thank you for showing us you are still here with us and for fixing the washing machine once again. When we do sell the house we are going to bring our washer and dryer with us because it just reminds me of you way too much for me to let go of it. Daddy did get the picture of you finished and he will be getting a tattoo done in August so he will always have you with him in a special way. Mommy is also going to get some small paw prints as a tattoo with your name so I have you with me permanently as well. I love you so much baby and still miss you deeply. Keep coming to me in whatever way you can and know that mommy and daddy love and miss you so much.
7/30/13 - Hi Nik, today is Mommy's birthday and I wanted to say hi and share a little piece of my birthday with you. We miss you so very much but know you are always with us. We haven't found out anything further about possibly moving to FL yet so for now we are still in the house. There is a lot of uncertainty right now which is very frustrating but in time I know things will work out. I can't write too much today because the amount of space we can use to write to you is getting low but I did want to say hi and tell you Mommy knows you are here with us each and every day. Daddy sent me roses today at work and it made me think of my birthday a few years ago, when we first moved into the house, when Daddy sent me roses and balloons for my birthday and later in the day we took pictures of me holding you in my arms. I'll always have the pictures and memories but I do miss my little baby. I love you Nik! Have a great day and go play with your friends.
9/5/13 - Hi Nik, I know it's been a while since I wrote to you but that doesn't mean that I'm not thinking about you each and every minute of every day. We miss you baby and the house is still very empty without you. Mommy and Daddy just got back from a trip to VA Beach - remember those days when we used to drive in the car to go see Nan and Pop! The drive was very quiet without you in the car with us. This trip we went to see Mommy's friends JoAnn and Mike and we had a nice time. It was a restful vacation and we didn't do much but I thought about you alot and so did Daddy. The big difference was we always had you to come home to and that's what we looked forward to but now we don't even have that anymore so it's really tough to want to come home and not see you there. We are still waiting to find out if Daddy is getting a job in FL and if we are going to move but we are really praying that something good happens and we can sell the house and move because things at our jobs are very bad and we don't want to live up here anymore. It will be tough leaving the house with all our memories of you but we will always have you with us so I know in my heart it is just a house and you will always be with us! If you can help us out Nik and say some prayers to help Daddy get one of these good paying jobs down in FL at the Villages with CH2M Hill and then help Mommy find something that pays good enough for us to live down there that would be great!!! We know we can't ask for miracles but any type of help would be wonderful! We love you so much baby and think and talk about you all the time. Hope you are having a great time and we miss you so so much.
12/2/13 - Hi Baby, we know it's been a while since we wrote to you but you are forever on our minds and in our hearts. Mommy wanted you to know that Nan and Pop had to send Koddee up to heaven with you today. Mommy is sad today Nik because Kodee was the one that helped Mommy deal with not having you around anymore and now both of you are gone. He was so sick and we all just couldn't bear to see him suffer anymore. So now you are both together again and hopefully playing and enjoying what is probably a beautiful sunny day at Rainbow's Bridge up in heaven. Please take good care of each other and all the other pets we've had and know we all love and miss you very much. Watch over each other but play and enjoy, we will all be together again some day but until that comes just know we miss our little boy each and every day. Have a great day my son.
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