by Florence Leone
Pepper was so beautiful, with her all shiny black coat. My husband had found her 12 yrs ago in a backyard, scooped her up in a little towel and took her home with him. I can still remember pepper jumping, playing and running, as all kittens do. Three years later, I saw the joy she gave him, so I decided I wanted one too. You see, at that time we weren't married or living together, so I wanted a kitten at my home. So, one day we spotted a "FREE KITTENS" sign while vacationing in the Poconos. Thank goodness she was the last kitten there, it would have been too impossible for me to choose just one! So I took her in a little towel and decided to name her "POCO". These 2 just didn't seem to get along when they were together. Not that they would fight or anything just wanted their own space, keep their distances. Sal and I decided to marry in 1999. One year later, we bought a home. I was so happy for us and for our 2 little furballs. I told them we are leaving this apartment for a house so they too could have more space to run around. Everthing was fine until the spring of 2003. Pepper began vomiting a little too frequently. I talked to my husband about this and decided to take her to the vet. They ran all kinds of blood work and basically she was healthy. When she continued to do this, the vet recommended an abdominal ultrasound and x-ray. He found what he believed (IBD) Inflammatory Bowel Desease. She was put on medication but still vomitted. Not as often but still did. The vet recommened a intestinal biopsy which runs about$1,000.00 not to metion wht we had already spent. My main concern was that she didn't have cancer. The vet said he could be sure without the biospsy but all the other tests were fine. Pepper was still vomitting frequently into spring 2004 but now she was also having diarrhea. This too did not affect her. She was still her same old self. When summer came around, she seemed she could not control her bowels. I then quickly called another vet to get another opinion. It is now July. Had all new blood work done, repeated an abdominal ultrasoud. Received news that Pepper may have a mass in her stomach but couldn't be sure without the $1,000.00. I went to tears. I told him I had recently been laid off from my job and just didn't have this kind of money. Let me tell you, talk about feeling guilty. So, what now? He told me there were alternatives. He started her on all kinds of medication. The diarrhea stopped and we were delighted. The vomitting continued but not as often. The whole thing here, was that Pepper began to go downhill. Her spirits were not up most the time she just lay around in this lifeless state. I asked the vet, could it be one of the 6 pills I giving her? Maybe? I took her off one of the pills, she seemed a little better. I asked myself, is she getting better or am I just hoping she will. This is my baby sweetie girl and I can't lose her. This was the start of all bad things to come. We were at the vet at least 3 times a week. Shots to control her vomitting, shots to hydrate,her more pills because now she developed a kidney infection, and a chest x-ray to make sure nothing spread. She lost so much weight (not a good sign). At times she was losing her appetite so we gave her an appetite stimulant. Then she would be good again. Or was she? I was trying so hard to do all I could to make her well and the vets were too. I broke my heart to pieces everytime I had to put her in her cage and tote her there. I swear she'd look at me through the cage and say "Mommy not again" I couldn't bear this emotional torment for me and physical torment for her but I felt conpelled to do everything I could in the hopes of her getting well. That Friday of Labor Day weekend, the nurse sugessted I bring her in for a hydration injection just to carry her over the holiday weekend. I agreed and brought her in. On the way there, I told Pepper no more after this sweetie, mommy won't take you here no more. Saturday came and went, Pepper didn't eat at all. Sunday came and went, still nothing to eat. It is now Monday morning Labor Day. She still didn't want to eat and was lifeless. I told my husband that I can't stand to see her not another day this way. My hopes for her getting well seemed to be replaced by the reality that she wasn't. All that would be left for her now was suffering. I couldn't bear it. She suffered enough. We contemplated put her down many times but couldn't. Now was the time. The trip there was excruciating she is still looking at me through her cage. I held my baby along with my husband in a little towel in my arms. They sedated her first and then administered the final injection. My sweetie girl lay lifeless in my arms with her little eyes open. I grabbed her, kissed her, and rubbed her belly. All the time saying mommy loves you, mommy's so sorry, your mommy's sweetie good little girl. I feel so empty without her. I miss her tremendously my heart aches so very much. I look around the house and see her on her favorite chair or in her favorite corner. I wish she would come running up the stairs but of course she dosen't. I hope to meet her again at the rainbow bridge to say "GOOD MORNING PEPPER, HERE IS MOMMY". I love you my sweet baby girl. Hope your making new friends.
We miss you so much. Sleep well my baby. Love Daddy and Mommy

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