Letting go
by Peggy Sue Nothaft
My name is Peggy Sue and this is my story. I never have come to this site before,but have heard many wonderful things. I read thru some stories, cried, and cried some more for the broken hearted. I looked up the day of Thursday, March 9th, 2005. It is burned in my memory. I said goodbye to a wonderful, bestfriend, pal, my cat Frack. I was blessed to share Fracks 21 years of life with him. Frack was given to me by my husband, bought as a wedding gift.Frack was a heavy weight, topping the scales at 20 pds plus, the day of his death, the cat that now was skin and bones, frail, suprised me, still weighed 9 pounds. He was independent, sometimes crabby, fiesty, even at 20, a heck of a mouser,bare in mind he had no teeth, and no claws!, he hallered his moews, could be inpatient at times, he let you no when he was ready to eat, if he liked it and if it was enough and he loved me, he trusted me. He made me laugh, made me who I am today. Now all I want to do is cry when I think of him. I feel guilt. I miss him. I put off putting him down, I had never been thru that before. I couldn't think of the loss, instead I kept him alive. He ate well, slept like a baby, he catnapped all the time, started not using the box, couldn't do the stairs, my other animal friends wanted to fight him, they knew he was weak,I never got mad at him, how could I, he was old, he was always such a clean cat, he'll go in his sleep I kept telling myself. He didn't. When he started vomiting up water it was just one more thing to add to the list. Please let me assure you, Frack never acted to be in pain, he just seemed "tired", "old". I had to do the right thing. I had to let go of my own feelings and act the part of the bestfriend.I set up the appointment, I cried. The count down was on. I clocked watched. I cried. I remembered, I cried. I sat with him, and I cried. Day of, I worked, I cried, I clock watched, went home to get him, I cried all the way. What kind of person am I? I could still cancell, he looks good today, believe me, all these things ran thru my mind.I feed him his favorite, 9 live's "SUPER SUPPER" on the couch,he ate every last bite! I cried. His last meal, dead cat walking, I kept thinking of these things in my mind. I brushed him and cut out the matts that had started on his back hips from laying and not cleaning himself.He just watched me do these things, I told him what a great, cat, friend, pal, companion he had been to me.How I will miss him and I cried. I think he knew. He rode in the car in the front seat, he hallered all the way. I cried harder. He trusted me. I couldn't even speak by the time I got to the vet, they were very kind. Frack was weighted, he yelled even louder, they gave him back to me. In the room, the vet came in. He expressed his smpathy and what a wonderful life this cat had , he said to me "it isn't everyday you see a cat live to be 21" Being 21 also gave the vet a struggle with Fracks viens, for being old they are hard to get and they collapse. Also, Frack being Frack, the vet already new he would fight. I cried, the vet explained these things, all I could hear was myself crying and Frack yelling his moews. The shot went into the muscle, but he was calm, he laid, he looked at me and once agian I cried, I apologized and kept telling hime how sorry I was. His eyes were what gave it away to me that he was gone, they just stared. He gave out one last breath, which the vet said was air leaving the lungs. I cried even harder. They gave me some time alone and I wrapped up my pal, in a special fleece blanket who was wearing his sweater and I took him to my car. I laid him on my front passenger seat and I took him home.It was winter in Minnesota and I wanted my Frack home. I have been waiting now to bury him. The ground is ready. I miss him, sometimes in a quick glance, I still think I see him in his favorite spot on the couch. Thanks for letting me grieve.
Comments would be appreciated by the author, Peggy Sue Nothaf
 
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