Salty Dog by Lori Pane

Salty Dog

by Lori Pane

I have just had to do what all of us can barely speak of. Just the thought of "it" would always bring tears to my eyes. I had always hoped I would not have to go through it, that he would go quietly in his sleep. His name was Salty, he was my first. I went to a shelter on a sunny June day. They had a litter of puppies and she took them out and layed them all on the floor. One pup kept leaving his siblings and coming to me. This was the one, I decided. That very afternoon we went out on the boat and brought the new addition. He was 6 weeks old and he jumped in the water and was swimming before he even had a name. A friend of mine looked at him and said "Look at you, you are an old salt already" That is how he got his name. Salty came to me at a difficult time in my life, and he was a wonderful companion. I brought him everywhere I went, he was a well traveled dog. Windsurfing in North Carolina, Hiking in upstate New York, Running the beaches of Florida. My love for him knew no bounderies. Some may say that I crossed the line and supplemented human companionship for animal companionship. It was this kind of love that has made me the person I am today. He was always there for me. One morning when he was about 5 years old, I was lying with him and he began to shake violently. I was terrified and did not understand what was happening. A few trips to the vet confirmed epilepsy. I was given a prescription for phenobarbitol. Through the next few years i juggled medications, holistic treatments, and diet changes. The best control I could get was once a month he would have a few siezures. They were fairly mild and he was still enjoying a very full life. Around his 12th birthday things began to change, he was developing many tumors and was beginning to slow down quite a bit. The siezures were getting worse, no longer was he having 2 a month it was now 12. The hardest part was that when he was not having any siezures we would run the beach together and he seemed fine to me. I don't know maybee I was in denial and he was suffering. I hope not. This past week he began to have siezures at 6 PM one night, they continued through the night and all day. He cried out so load that all of my neighbors heard him. When he was not having a siezure he was lying there crying out and whimpering. I began to fall apart realizing what I must do.I spent very little time thinking about it and just acted. I brought him in on a stretcher, he was so exhausted from all of the siezures. I held his head in my hands and thanked him for his love and his companionship as she gave him the injection. This was the hardest thing I have ever done and I will never forget it. He may have recovered form this last bout but knowing that it would happen to him again in a few short weeks made me make this decision. I am dealing with his loss with a mixture of pain, anger and guilt. I don't think any of us want's to play god and take a life. But I think it is through god that we are able to do what needs to be done. In his final years I cared for him tremendously. He did not have much in the way of bladder or bowel control so I cleaned up after him without complaint for years. Never missing a dose of medicine or a daily walk to keep him strong. We went through many things together, salty and I and I will miss him terribly. My tears are coming on strong now as they do on and off throughout these first few days. I am glad he is not suffering anymore but my heart aches to hold him in my arms once more.

Comments would be appreciated by the author, Lori Pan