by Sal Salomone
I visited Rainbows Bridge the first time about five years ago when I almost lost my baby to Pymetria. She recovered of course, and went back to being her bouncy, noisy, self.
Cherissa was a Teddy Bear Yorkie. She was about 3.5 pounds at 9 yrs old.
Not exactly sure what happened, but lemme tell you a bit about my baby.
She was my Father's Day present in June 1994. My wife said that there was no doubt, from that moment, that she was MY little girl and that I was totally wrapped around her paws..She was right.
If I was in the house, Cherissa was with me. If I sat on the couch, she jumped up and then got on the armrest and curled up in my arm.
If I was in bed, she had to be up there, either curled up under my chin, or lying between my arm and body with her head lying on my shoulder, where she'd sleep like a rock until I woke up.
If I jingled my keys, her ears would perk up. If I jingled my keys and said the magic words "BYE BYE" she'd go insane..she knew we were going to the Mocha Stand where the girls there would stuff her full of puppy goodies if I'd let them.
If I walked out of the room, she was at my feet...
Something happend to her this weekend..Saturday evening she was lying on me and she started shivering..I though perhaps she was just cold and put her under a cover that we keep on the couch.
Sunday Morning, I did the keys and BYE BYE thing, and she started walking toward the door...WALKING? I knew something was wrong then.
We went to get coffee and she didn't want to get up in the window and refused the goodies. Then I became concerned.
When we got home, I noticed that she was walking funny..like she was drunk. Later that afternoon, she became very lethargic and I'd had enough. I called my vet around 4:40PM and got the recording telling me they closed at 2PM on sunday and directed me to the 24 hr emergency clinic. Since I kept the same vet after leaving that area, I looked for the emergency clinic in my area (Olympia Wa).
I took her there, and they weren't much help beyond telling me she wasn't exactly well and that for $1,000 up front they'd do blood work and such. (And no, we do not take American Express). What could I do? I didn't have $1,000 to give them and they wouldn't take the only Credit card I had..I took her home hoping to get her in Monday, forgetting that it was a Holiday.
I got up Monday Morning, and she wasn't waiting to go outside. I looked under the bed..She wasn't there. I went into the front room and asked my wife if she'd seen her. She hadn't.
I made myself eggs and toast for breakfast (I work nights and sleep late every day even when not working). As I sat down to eat, my wife came in and said "I FOUND HER"..and I knew immediately that something was wrong. I asked her.."WHERE?", she was crying now and said "the Closet"...I looked at her like she was speaking Russian or Swahili.
She looked back at me and finally said.."SHE's DEAD"...Again I looked at her as though she was speaking a language I'd never heard before.
Finally it began to sink in. I got up and walked to the bedroom, and closed the door behind me. I went into the walk in closet, and there she was, lying in some sweaters my wife had been going through. She looked asleep to me..I laid down next to her, and wrapped my arms around her, and knew she wasn't sleeping. I gathered her to me and remember screaming NO and started sobbing, holding her and rocking back and forth as though I might wake her up.
I don't know exactly how long I was in there, but it was a while.
I finally wrapped her in a towel and brought her out to the couch, where I put her in her favorite spot and sat next to her.
My wife had to go do some stuff and I knew she wanted to be out of the house..she was having a hard time with this also of course.
I knew I wouldn't bury her and let critters and such get to her, so I had to do something so I could take her to the vet's office to have her cremated. I don't even want to talk about what I went through making it so I'd be able to keep her home for a day and a half.
I had to go to Home Depot to pay on the Credit Card.
While standing in line, I could tell that someone got in line behind me. After a minute, I felt something scratching at my shirt. I turned around and found myself looking into the face of a yorkie who immediately began licking my face and eyes. Her mommy was mortified and started to pull back and I stopped her. I told her that I'd just lost my little girl and that it seems like her's knew it.
She continued to lick my face, nose and eyes for some time.
By this time, myself and these two women (Mommy and her daughter who appeared to be about 15 or 16) were all crying in the store.
Then..I felt better..as if Cherissa was trying to get a message to me that she's ok now and not to hurt.
I'm sorry baby..but..it hurts..it hurts really bad and it feels like it's never going to stop.
But I know that you're there..that you loved me unconditionally and fully and that I'll get to play with you again...for now..you can play with Cherise and scooter again. Till I can once again hold you in the crook of my arm and lie down with you curled up under my chin.
I really don't understand how losing something so very very small can hurt so very very big but I thank Rainbows for a place to put my hurt to words.

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