goodbye old friend by michelle maguire

goodbye old friend

by michelle maguire

ITS ONLY BEEN ONE DAY WITHOUT HER AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF. THE VET CAME AT 1:00 YESTERDAY. I WANTED THEM TO COME TO MY HOUSE SO ARIELE WOULD BE RELAXED AND NOT SCARED. SHE WAS IN A LOT OF PAIN THIS WEEKEND. SHE MUST HAVE LANDED ON HER BACK LEG WRONG WHILE SHE WAS SKIPPING ACROSS MY LIVING ROOM ON FRIDAY. SHES ALWAYS SO EXCITED WHEN I COME HOME EVEN THOUGH HER ATHRITIS WAS GETTING BAD. SHE STILL STRUGGLED TO WALK AROUND THOUGH. I KNEW IT WAS BAD WHEN SHE DIDNT COME OVER TO ME TO BEG FOR FOOD WHEN I WAS EATING POPCORN ON THE SOFA. SHE LOVED POPCORN!!!! I WENT TO WORK LAST NIGHT FOR A FEW HOURS. WHEN I GOT HOME SHE WASNT WAITING AT THE STEPS FOR ME. SO SAD!! I KNOW IT WAS DEFINATELY TIME.. I PRAYED OVER THE WEEKEND FOR GOD TO TAKE HER IN HER SLEEP. I COULDNT BARE TO WATCH HER!!! THIS MORNING I WAS COUNTING DOWN THE HOURS. I GAVE HER DOGGY VALIUM (promace) SO SHE WOULD BE OUT OF IT BY THE TIME THEY GOT HERE. SHE KEPT PACING FOR WHAT SEEMED LIKE FOREVER. SHE FINALLY LAY DOWN SO I COULD SIT BY HER AND PET HER AND TELL HER HOW SORRY I AM AND THAT I LOVE HER SO MUCH. THEN I COUNTED DOWN THE MINUTES. THEY WENT BY TOO QUICKLY....IT TOOK ME OFF GUARD WHEN THERE WAS A QUIET KNOCK AT THE DOOR. I OPENED IT TO TWO LADIES WITH BAGS IN THERE HANDS. THEY WERE HERE....MY HEART JUMPED AND TEARS CAME TO MY EYES IMMEDIATLY..I COULDNT SPEAK. THEY WERE VERY KIND AND I KNEW IT WOULD BE ALLRIGHT. MY MIND WAS RACING THOUGH KNOWING HER DEATH WAS JUST MINUTES AWAY.... BRANT (my boyfriend) WENT UPSTAIRS AND TOOK THE CAT WITH HIM. I WANTED TO BE ALONE WITH HER. THEY STARTED BY SHAVING HER BACK LEG SO THEY COULD SEE A VEIN. THAT WAS FINE. SHE ACUALLY LOOKED UP AND WAGGED HER TAIL AT THEM. THEN THEY BEGAN TO PUT A NEEDLE IN AND SHE JUMPED UP IN PAIN. I DIDNT UNDERSTAND WHY. SHE WAS ALWAYS FINE WITH NEEDLES AT THE VET. I GOT HER TO LAY BACK DOWN AND I HELD HER HEAD NEXT TO ME WHILE THEY TRIED AGAIN. THIS TIME SHE JUMPED AND BIT MY HAND. IT WAS LIKE SHE WOULDNT LET GO. WHEN SHE DID MY HAND WAS BLEEDING AND I WAS IN INSTANT PAIN. I CRIED OUT , I WAS SCARED I WAS GOING TO HAVE TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL. BRANT HEARD ME AND CAME DOWNSTAIRS. HE THOUGHT EVERYTHING WAS OVER AND I WAS CRYING IN GRIEF.. I TOLD THEM TO GO AHEAD AND GIVE HER THE ANESTESIA . I DIDNT THINK SHED NEED IT WITH THE PILLS I HAD ALREADY GIVEN HER. THEY HAD TO HOLD HER HEAD DOWN WITH ONE OF MY SOFA PILLOWS. SHE CRIED OUT THEN JUMPED UP. IT ONLY TOOK A SECOND. BRANT WAS HOLDING HER IN HIS ARMS. HE THOUGHT THAT THEY HAD JUST GIVEN HER THE REAL SHOT. I LOOKED AT HER SITTING UP, PANTING. HER EYES WERE STARING AT ME SO DEEPLY. THEN THEY LOOKED A LITTLE HAZY AND I KNEW THE SHOT WAS WORKING. I LEANED OVER AND HELD HER. IN LESS THAN A MINUTE SHE SLOWLY STARTED TO SLUMP FORWARD THEN FELL INTO MY LAP. HER HEAD SAGGED, HER TONGUE HUNG OUT OF HER OPEN JAW. FOR A SECOND I THOUGHT SHE HAD DIED. THEN I SAW HER LEG TWITCHING. THE VET SAID IT WAS JUST A REACTION TO THE ANESTESIA. I SAT THERE HOLDING HER FOR A MINUTE BEFORE I TOLD THEM I WAS READY. THEY REASSURED ME THAT SHE WASNT GOING TO FEEL ANYTHING THAT WAS ABOUT TO HAPPEN. SHE JUST LAY THERE IN MY LAP WHILE THEY INJECTED HER AGAIN. SHE WAS TOTALLY OUT OF IT. I WAITED AND WATCHED. IT WAS AS IF NOTHING CHANGED AT ALL EXCEPT HER BREATHING STOPPED. THE VET LEANED OVER WITH HER STETHESCOPE AND I HEARD THE DREADED WORDS. SHE WHISPERED THAT THERE IS NO HEARTBEAT. I COULDNT SPEAK. SHE CHECKED AGAIN A MINUTE LATER TO BE SURE. IT WAS FINALLY OVER. I WAS HOLDING A LIFELESS BODY THAT WAS ALIVE JUST MINUTES BEFORE. IT FELT REALLY STRANGE... I TRIED MY BEST TO PUT HER TONGUE BACK AND CLOSE HER MOUTH AND HER EYES WHILE I LAID HER HEAD DOWN ON THE FLOOR. IT WAS UNDESCRIBABLE FEELING A LIFE DISSAPPEAR.... MY GOLDEN GIRL WAS REALLY GONE. AFTER THE VETS LEFT WE LET DETROIT (my cat) COME DOWNSTAIRS TO SEE HER. I HEARD THAT ANIMALS CAN TELL WHEN ONE IS GONE AND I WANTED HIM TO KNOW. IT TOOK HIM A WHILE BUT HE FINALLY WENT OVER TO HER AND STARTED SNIFFING. THEN HE DID SOMETHING THAT HE NEVER DOES. HE STARTED RUBBING HIS HEAD NEXT TO HER TAIL AND HER BACK. LATER HE LOOKED UP AT ME AND LET OUT THIS REALLY LONG MOAN LIKE IVE NEVER HEARD FROM HIM BEFORE. I THINK HE KNEW. ON THE OTHER HAND SHEBA(my other cat) NEVER EVEN CAME DOWNSTAIRS... WE LAID A SHEET OUT ON THE FLOOR NEXT AND MOVED HER BODY ON IT. BEFORE I WRAPPED HER IN IT BRANT WENT OVER AND GOT A PINK ROSE OUT OF MY VASE AND PLACED IT BETWEEN HER FRONT LEGS, CLOSE TO HER HEART. SHE LOOKED SO BEAUTIFUL AND PEACEFUL AT THAT MOMENT. I PICKED HER UP NEXT AND BROUGHT HER TO BRANTS JEEP. I DIDNT CARE THAT SHE WAS 60 LBS, I HAD TO BE THE ONE TO CARRY HER. IT WAS STRANGE FEELING HER HEAD SAG AGAINST MY ARM. WE DROVE TO THE SPCA WHERE IM HAVING HER CREMATED. I LOOKED AT ALL THE OTHER DOGS AND CATS FOR A FEW MINUTES BEFORE I WENT TO THE FRONT DESK. I GOT ALL CHOKED UP AND ALL OF A SUDDEN COULDNT TALK. BRANT HAD TO TELL HER WHY WE WERE THERE. I PAYED FOR EVERYTHING AND SHE TOLD US TO DRIVE AROUND BACK TO DROP OFF THE BODY. I WAS WALKING OUT WHEN I HEARD HER PAGE THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK. SHE SAID THERES A "C.R.E." ON THE WAY BACK. THEY ASKED HER SOMETHING AND THEN SHE SAID "NO, ITS D.O.A."......I CRIED...WE WENT BACK TO THE CAR AN DROVE AROUND.I TOOK THE SHEET OFF OF HER HEAD AND JUST LOOKED AT HER ONE LAST TIME. I PET HER AND KISSED HER AGAIN..I MISSED HER SO MUCH ALREADY. I DIDNT WANT TO GIVE HER AWAY TO THEM YET. THIS WAS THE HARDEST PART. I PICKED HER UP IN HER SHEET AND CARRIED HER TO THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK AND THEY TOOK HER OUT OF MY ARMS AND AWAY....................... HOW IRONIC THAT I WAS TAKING HER BACK TO THE SAME PLACE I ADOPTED HER FROM 14 YRS AGO. MAYBE ONE DAY ILL BE READY FOR ANOTHER DOG BUT I CANT EVEN IMAGINE IT NOW. I REALIZE THAT MY DOG WAS IN PAIN NOT FROM THE NEEDLE BUT FROM THEM HOLDING HER LEG DOWN TO INSERT THE NEEDLE. IT WAS HER BAD LEG AND I WAS SO OVERWHELMED WITH EVERYTHING GOING ON THAT I DIDNT EVEN THINK TO TELL THEM. I FEEL SO GUILTY NOW. I WANTED HER TO HAVE THE MOST COMFORTABLE CIRCUMSTANCES POSSIBLE AND INSTEAD HER LAST MINUTES WERE SPENT JUMPING UP IN PAIN AND SEEING ME IN SHOCK BECAUSE SHE BIT ME. I KNOW SHE DIDNT MEAN TO. ITS JUST THAT MY HAND WAS THE FIRST THING IN FRONT OF HER AT THE TIME SHE WAS IN PAIN. I WROTE ABOUT THIS DAY BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO FORGET A SINGLE MINUTE OF OUR LAST DAY TOGETHER. I WISH IT HAD BEEN MORE PEACEFUL BUT I JUST PRAY THAT SHES HAPPY AND FREE FROM PAIN NOW. AND IF THERE IS A BRIDGE PLEASE FORGIVE ME AND BE WAITING THERE.

Comments would be appreciated by the author, michelle maguir