A Short Glimpse of a Very Long Life by alwyn wright

A Short Glimpse of a Very Long Life

by alwyn wright

Last September (2003) my great aunt became very ill and died within a week. Her only concern was her 19 year old cat Oscar. She was grief stricken and panicked at the thought of leaving him uncared for. I happily adopted him and it felt so good to tell her that he had a new home before she passed away. I'm sure her last moments were a little easier knowing that she wasn't leaving Oscar in the cold. Oscar was an old, old cat. My favorite thing about him was his head pushing. He would push the top of his head against anything and hold it there. I loved it when he pushed it against my shin when I was sitting at the dining table. Although he was extrememly weak and couldn't walk very well, he still could jump up onto the bed or couch and I was woken up on many night with him walking up my body so he could put his face in my face. It was quite endearing, even though he had the worst breath imaginable. The hardest part of having Oscar was his peeing all over my house. It definitely destroyed my carpet and in many ways affected my social life, because I was embarrassed about the smell. That was part of my unconditional love, though, because I accepted him and just tried to care for the problems in as many creative ways as I could, including designating an entire room as "the cat room". Boy was it stinky. I know many people would put their cat to sleep at this point but I felt too much love and life in Oscar and wanted to allow him his last leg of his journey. This last week, though, I started to see a real change in Oscar. He seemed restless, like he wasn't comfortable. Getting up from a lying position was extrememly difficult for him, and his back legs were so weak that he walked in a permanant crouch. His eyes seemed more far away, more black. He was diagnosed with kidney failure last year, and I knew it was only a matter of time. I had to make a very difficult decision. Do I wait until he is at the absolute end of his life, where misery and disease has taken every last moment of pleasure out of him? Or do I have him put to sleep now, while he is still somewhat functioning, still eating, drinking, and going to the bathroom, still able to sit in my lap and sleep. I decided that I would rather he leave this world now, while he has some dignity and comfort, than wait until the bitter end. People don't have this choice, but I know many wish they did. If I were Oscar, what would I want? So, the night before last, I bought him all his absolute favorite foods, and he had a lovely feast. (Of course my other cat Charlie insisted on sharing this feast!) I slept most of the night on the couch with him, caring for him, loving him with all of my heart and giving him more yummy treats every few hours. In the morning I brought him to the vet and we put him to sleep. I brought some of his treats and he was happily chomping away when the sedative took effect and he slipped into twilight. I hope and pray that Oscar was never miserable and died in comfort and surrounded by love. Now I sit with this emptiness, crying crying and more crying. There is a candle lit in the other room. It is a candle that symbolizes my undying love for Oscar and all animals, and my hope that his light never goes out.

Comments would be appreciated by the author, alwyn wrigh