we used to stay up on christmas eve, her and i, and sit by the christmas tree as the wind howled outside and rain pattered on the roof top, listening to the music box attached to the lights on the tree. the lights on the house danced through the window and onto the walls, an array of colors, illuminated more only by candlelight. we would sit for however long we needed, and then she would follow me to her, curled up on my pillow, and slumber as the storm outside grew quieter.|
in her final months, she drew more close to me. rather than lying on my pillow, she wished to directly snuggle up by my side when it was time for bed. during the day she lapped water for prolonged periods of time, and i could sense something was off. no matter how much she drank or ate, she began losing weight rapidly. the last time she was weighed, she was only a mere three pounds. on her left side, she was beginning to lose fur as well. we rushed her to the vet, hoping for the best, only to discover her kidneys were failing.
there came a tough choice, the hardest choice anyone could make. we could treat her, but it would only prolong an unhappy life, as she would be suffering even if she was alive. the other choice was to let her rest. when you form such an emotional bond as i did with her, it's a very difficult choice to make. you want to be with them as long as you can, but you have to take in account their happiness and well-being. utterly, the choice was to put her to sleep.
i remember the morning like it was yesterday, although it was only almost four months ago. i woke up to her by my side, pulled my tired limbs out of bed, and started to make breakfast. i sat on the couch, trying to enjoy my breakfast, when she jumped up on my lap and layed down. it was a thursday, so i had school, but i didn't want to move from her side. when school was over, she still was laying on the couch in the exact same position. she had been like that recently, staying in one place for a long time. the vet arrived around 4:00, and thus it began. i held her as she faded into sleep, felt her heart slowly grow quieter. i have never cried like i did then ever before. the tears were endless, the sobs shrill in the air.
even with only almost four months passing, i miss her everyday. i know she's happy, free of pain, but i also know she misses me greatly. i feel her presence a lot, see her out of the glimpse of my eye. she's my guardian angel, and i can't wait until we meet again.