Charles was adopted by my ex-wife in October of 2016. He was part of an animal abuse/neglect case and weighed only 53lbs at the time, had a heartbreaking cough (which was pneumonia) and had very little fur due to mange and parasites. The other dog that was confiscated with him at the time was put down immediately because it was just too far gone. We nursed Charles back to health. He would grow to be about 95lbs, no cough, had fur and was the sweetest guy. After the ex and I got divorced, I took Charles to my house because the ex got another dog that was bullying him. I was hesitant about taking him but once I saw him getting bullied I wanted to take him. I still feel some guilt over that.

Charles lived at my house from April 2019 until he left on March 16, 2024. We had great times together playing frisbee and ball in the backyard, going on walks and just being buddies. I wasn't working at the time so all of my time was dedicated to him. I spent about 23 hours a day with him for 3.5 years. The sun, moon and stars rose and set on him at my house. My kids and I adored him. I don't think anyone had ever played with him before and he loved every minute of it. I loved to make him happy-we would play in the backyard 5-6...sometimes 10 times a day. In the summer of 2021 he started to slow down-he would 'walk fast' to chase tennis balls. I knew this was a sign he was getting older. Over the years he slowed down and the play sessions in the yard got shorter and shorter. Oh do I miss those days with him.

On Thursday March 14, 2024, at about 9:45am, I was working from home and he had a seizure. I was supposed to be in the office that day and I am so glad that I was home so I knew what was going on with him. I made an appointment with a vet to come to the house the following Monday but he had a seizure on Friday morning (2am), Friday night (9pm) and Saturday morning at 9am. I knew nature was going to take him and that the least I could do for my best friend was give him mercy. I took him to the vet where he had another seizure while they were sedating him. When they brought him into the room he was already unconscious. I didn't get to say goodbye to my baby boy because of the seizure. That makes me sad but it was beyond my control. The vet said taht at his age, the cause of the seizures was likely a brain tumor. I'm so sorry buddy, I just didn't know. In my grief I declined to get his ashes after his cremation. I will always regret that.

In some ways it feels like you've been gone for years...in others it feels like only yesterday.

It feels like only yesterday we were playing ball in the backyard on a gorgeous fall day. The shadows were long and a gust of wind would blow and you would raise your nose to sniff the breeze. Your ears would be blowing in the wind. Then you'd look at me intently waiting for me to throw the ball.

It feels like only yesterday we would be on a morning walk and we would hear someone playing a sad melody on a piano at the corner of our street.

It feels like only yesterday we met the lady with the Chow and German shepherd and she said you were a pretty dog. She was only one of a handful of people we talked to on our walks. We looked for her every time we went that way for 4 years but never saw her again.

It feels like only yesterday you were wrapped up in a blanket on your bed in front of the fireplace on a cold winter night.

It feels like only yesterday the girls and I would say "goodnight Charles" before we went to sleep and you would let out a groan. And we would all laugh.

It feels like only yesterday we would come in from a walk in the rain and I would say "Towlie!" and you would get so excited. That may have been your favorite thing in the whole world.

It feels like only yesterday I was folding laundry in the bedroom and you would be laying in the sun on the floor next to me. I would shove my feet under your back and you would lazily look up at me and then lay back down. I would look to see if the gap in the trees was still there between our house and the neighbor. Last year was the first year the gap was gone...but so were you.

It feels like only yesterday we were walking the nature trails and sidewalks of the neighborhood. I would take pictures of sunsets and sunrises and always comment to you whether it was a good one or not.

It feels like only yesterday I would be getting home from the grocery store and you would meet me by the door to the house and sniff me to see where I'd been. I would say "Security!" and eventually you would be done.

It feels like only yesterday we went down to the lake and you would go in the water. I regret not taking you off the leash more those days.

Oh Charles I wish I could relive those days with you. You were the love of my life. I only had you for 1,645 days...I wish it could have been more.

Oh Charles I love you so
It hurts so much to let you go.
I will always miss you buddy.
I will always love you.

5/20/25
Charles
It's so hard to lose a friend. I love you so much.
I'm at a conference for work but I'm missing you.
Miss you so much buddy.

5/23/25
Oh Charles, they just mowed the lawn like they always do on Fridays. We would always go play in the backyard right after they left. I remember the smell of cut grass as we played ball. The backyard used to be so full of life and love. Playing ball was the thing you loved more than anything. Now it's just a yard with grass and trees. It's been 2 years since we played in the yard right after it got mowed. Those memories are so vivid. I love you buddy.

6/5/2025
64 weeks ago today I discovered my baby boy having a seizure. 64 weeks ago today I knew I was going to lose my best friend-I knew he was going to be gone in a matter of days. 48 hours later, he was gone. I miss the days we spent together buddy. We had a great life together. I miss your simplicity. I miss playing ball with you in the backyard. I wish I could relive those days with you again. I will always love you.

6/12/25
Two months after you came to live with me, the people behind us moved in. They lived there until about 2 weeks before you left. They had 2 dogs, Baxter and Josie that would always bark at us when they got outside. Or when we went outside. They would bark when we'd play ball in our yard. We would go on walks at night and the family would be at their fire pit. There was always something going on up there. If I ever meet them I will tell them how they provided the canvas on which my life with you was painted. I miss you buddy.

6/20/25
Hey buddy, I'm missing you today. I was remembering something I came up with back in maybe 2021 that I used to say to you.
"Hey buddy, you're not perfect but you're perfect to me and we're perfect together."
I wish I would have had the opportunity to say goodbye.
Love you.

6/23/25
It was really hot this past weekend. I remember in the summers of '19 and '20 that you would play so hard outside that when you came inside, you'd drink a ton of water and then lie on the floor in the kitchen, drooling. We would call the puddle you created "Lake Charles." I miss those days with you buddy. It's been 2 years since I had a June day where you and I played in the backyard. I still look at the backyard and think of all the good times we had there.

6/27/2025
It's been 67 weeks since I lost you. I had you for 235 Saturday mornings. I don't remember the first one but I can't forget the last. I love you buddy and miss you so much. I miss those days with you.

7/25/25
Back in the day when we were together,
It felt like those days would go on forever.

I miss you buddy.

8/3/25
I miss the life we had together. It seems so long ago.
I miss us. And I always will.

8/18/25
I miss the life we had together
It seems so long ago.
I know that life is gone forever.
And I should let it go.

I miss the life we had together
It seems so far away
As time goes on, the distance grows
I long for it every day.

I miss the life we had together
But those days have gone and passed
Truth be told, those great days back then
Were never meant to last.

9/11/25
I miss the life we had together
But that dream came to an end.
That fateful day when time ran out
For my faithful friend.

Hey buddy, the apple tree in the backyard is full of apples. I remember your last summer, the apple tree and the pear tree at the other end of the yard both had fruit. You would go back and forth to get them and I had to keep them from you because you would eat so many you would get sick. The weeping cherry tree on the south side of the yard died last year. It only bloomed half way in your last summer, when you were so slow. The following summer after you were gone it didn't come back. It's like it died with you. This is the second summer where it didn't bloom. I just can't bring myself to take it out.

Summer is coming to a close. Fall is going to be tough. We had some great times in the fall. Watching the leaves change on our walks and in the backyard. The memories...wow. I miss you so much. I know I could call your name forever and you'd never hear me. Yet I still tell you I love you many times a day. I hope wherever your journey has taken you, you are happy, healthy and loved.

My heart is still so broken. When I got you I wasn't working and we had 3.5 years together, all day every day. Those were great times. Then I went back to work but you were much slower. I still had a connection to those times, a tether, through you. When I lost you that tether was severed and it makes me so sad. I think in the first year after I lost you there was a molecule in my brain telling me that we would meet again. That you can't love something so much and have it taken away from you. That the dream was real and reality was the dream. That we would be reunited or be able to communicate..or something. A little after that anniversary I realized that was not the case. And that's ok. Over time I'm sure I will heal, but I'll always have a scar.

The neighborhood has changed a lot and it's only been 1.5 years. Some of those changes happened before you left. All the dogs we used to see on our walks are gone. Those people all moved. We used to see Gary working in his yard just about every day on our walks from spring through fall. His wife died last year and he moved-new people are living there now. Change is constant. I think that's why we love dogs. the world around us changes but dogs still see us the same.
I'll always love you buddy.

9/12/25
I lost my baby boy today
I loved him like no other
I loved him like a son
But I miss him like a brother

I lost my baby boy today
I loved him like no other
It hurts so bad I don't know if
I'll be able to recover

I lost my baby boy today
We'll never be together
I'm only left with memories
As he is gone forever.

I lost my baby boy today
He lost his fight with time
I'll have to go on without him
Until that day when I lose mine.

You were such a sweet and gentle soul buddy. The world is a poorer place without you.

9/18/2025
I woke up to another sunrise, a truly gorgeous dawn
But the view is bittersweet because your love is gone.
I still love you so much Charles, that much is true
For as long as I live, every minute every day, I will always love you.

9/22/25
Do you remember that fallen tree?
One you saw back in '23
It had fallen across our path
But since then it's been sawn in half
I picked you up, it wasn't bad
A testament to the love we had
Now every time I see that tree
It reminds me of those days of you and me.

I had a weird feeling on 9/19/25 (Friday) about you. Out of the blue I got a feeling that you are ok. I can't explain it, it just felt like you were just fine. It wasn't a jolt or a flash, just a feeling. I hope wherever your journey has taken you, this is true. I will always love you buddy.

9/26/25
Oh Charles how I miss you.
When I stand on that little hill in the backyard-the one where we started our play sessions-and face the house, I think of you. That was where we would start our game. How you would be tensed up waiting for me to throw a ball or frisbee. I see you there-frozen in time. And I cry and cry. It's a unique view where there's a huge chunk of sky visible away from the trees. I remember looking at many sunsets from that vantage point while playing back in those days. How I loved you Charles. You were like a comet in my life. A temporary but beautiful phenomenon that I was lucky to experience for 4 and a half short years.s How I wish I could relive those days with you. I will always love you.

10/16/25
It was 19 months ago today that we had to say goodbye. I miss you. I felt a kinship with you. We were two misfits but it didn't matter because we had each other. I still think about you all the time. I don't think I could have loved you more. It still breaks my heart that you are not here. I walk Isabel on the same paths you and I used to take. I always think about how you and I forged those paths. And about how many times you and I walked those same routes. I will always love you.

10/17/25
The thing I miss the most is playing with you in the backyard. It made you so happy. Every session out there was like the Super Bowl to you. You took it so seriously but loved it so much. It makes me sad that I will never get to do that again.

11/5/25
Memories of Charles
I remember when we'd play in the backyard in late spring and summer, we would hear some kids playing a few yards over. It was always so early-like their mom just cut them loose outside so she could get some stuff done. We couldn't see them but we could hear the laughing and yelling. It was sort of cute. Those people moved away this summer.
I also remember a huge golden retriever that we would come across when we walked the long loop. He was on a corner and would bark at us. I found out last year that his name is Liam. He moved away a few weeks ago.
I remember how you used to find me if I was out of your sight for more than a couple of minutes. You would find me and lay down next to me while I was folding laundry or putting together furniture. Oh how I miss that so much. I loved you so much. I still do.