12/10/2021: Oh my baby boy Gremlin,,,how my heart is aching to be writing this memorial for you. Last night I had to let you go,,,after all your struggles and being such a fighter, the past few weeks made it clear you were no longer having any good days. This past week I kept trying to believe things would turn around, but sadly they did not. Having some bad days here and there was one thing,,,but seeing you this past week suffering so much with not a good hour let alone a good day made me know I had to be strong for you and make the decision to let you go,,,oh how hard that decision always is, but it is made out of love, because you did not deserve to have to fight another day,,,oh baby boy how I miss you already. This morning I even started to draw up your insulin out of habit, then realized,,,,and my heart broke again. |
My Gremlin, Gremmie,,,, you were so sad and depressed each time one of your brothers had to go, but then when your mom China had to go, you really took a turn for the worse. So then I worked with you and Squiggy to see if you guys could co-habitate, and after several weeks, it worked out. You seemed a bit happier, but never really got back to your old self. I knew how badly you missed your cat family and I was so sad for you. I can only hope that they all met you at the bridge, and you're happy once again, back with your cat family.
You were born at the farm and came here with your family and all the others from the farm. You were my 'skitty' little boy, so afraid of everything and everyone, except for me. Not until you became very sick that one time back in 2016 was anyone else ever able to touch you, and that time it was the vet and only because you were crashed on the floor barely conscious. You were a diabetic since 2015 and she thought it was a pancreatic attack. She said you most likely would not make it through the night, and I was so, so sad, but told her I did not want to let you go, because something in me just told me to hold on. Your brother Asia, who usually would bust your chops and chase you around, laid down right next to you on the floor and stayed there all night---I couldn't believe it and took a picture. And miracles happen because against all odds, come morning you were up and bounced back within days.
For the next few years, you did so well,,,even gained your weight back that you'd lost when you first became diabetic. And you were so, so good about it, along with your brother Polo, as I would sit on the floor and you would both line up to get your blood tests and insulin shots,,,,and for you being such a skittish guy, that in itself was a miracle,,,like you knew it was helping you, and Polo did as well. Even though I hated to have to stick you guys, it became a bonding experience for all of us.
Then out of nowhere your diabetes became erratic,,,your numbers were all over the place. The vet suspected secondary kidney failure and pancreatic issues again. But we managed to sustain a good quality of life for another 2 years,,,,until recently.
Several weeks ago you basically stopped eating,,,only a little here and there. I tried syringe feeding you, but you hated it and fought like crazy. Then you developed growths on your genitals and started to urinate on the floors and in your beds. But you were still going out in your run out pen, and moving well, so I just kept fighting along with you. But it got worse quickly, where you would urinate and just stay there, and I would have to wash your back legs and belly, which you hated. But again, you would still have a few good days each week as far as eating and looking comfortable, so I kept holding out hope. As with all the others, I will never give up until you give me the sign you are done fighting.
And that's what you did on Wednesday,,,,,you were spaced out and wobbly, and twice when you looked me in the eyes, you told me,,,,,you had had enough and there were no more good moments in your day. And please forgive me, but I just couldn't make the call to the vet that day,,,,I just prayed,,,because I wanted one more day with you,,,,but then yesterday I knew I couldn't push you one more day, that it just wasn't fair to you and I had to help you. I am so sorry baby that all our efforts failed,,,after a point it is always out of our hands and in God's hands, and I hope you are all healed and well and feeling great, playing with your bothers and your mom.
I am so grateful for all the years of love and laughs you gave me, and for trusting me when you would trust no one else. I am so happy to have had you in my life, and I hope you felt loved and secure and happy during your life here.
I will be having your cremation service on Tuesday,,,,sadly, they were booked solid until then,,,but then I will bring you home. I've never had to wait to do a service and it does bother me, but there's nothing I can do baby,,,I don't like the other places I have used in the past, and this place gives such a wonderful service and treats the pets with respect,,,I took your brother Asia and your mom there, and I want your service there as well.
Oh Gremmie,,,how I love and miss you,,,,and I hope you can still feel that where you are.,,please know I did my best to help you.
You will forever and ever and ever be in my heart and soul,,,,I will always love you my baby boy. Love and Light my sweet angel,,,,XOXOXOXOXOXOXXX
Would you know my name, if I saw you in Heaven.
Would you hold my hand, if I saw you in Heaven.
Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees
Beyond the door, there's peace I'm sure
Would you know my name, if I saw you in Heaven
'Cause I know I don't belong here in Heaven,,,,,,
I brought you home and placed you in your memorial cabinet with your brothers and your mom, and set up the candle for you. I want to believe they met you at the bridge the other day and that you were already back to your old self, feeling well and playing with them, and maybe even your step brothers and sisters as well. I hope you know I did all I could to keep you here, and maybe you would've even made it a few more weeks, but I loved you too much to put you through even one more day of misery, and God had finally given me the strength to let you go. Oh, how I hate those decisions,,,
I hope you will always feel the love in my heart for you, and never, ever forget how much I love you. Thank you so much for all the years of love and laughter you gave me, and I hope your life here was happy and that you always felt safe. You will forever be in my heart baby boy,,,,,Love and Light my sweet baby,,,,XOXOXOXOXOXOXXX
12/25/21: Merry Christmas baby,,,love and miss you always,,,,Love and Light my sweet boy,,,,XOXOXOXOXOXOXXX
1/1/2022: Hi my baby boy,,,, today is New Years and a little over 3 weeks since you went away,,,,,I just can't put into words how much I miss you,,,,, and how sorry I am that we couldn't win this last battle. I hope you hear me when I talk to you, and that you can feel the love I send you,,,,,kisses, pets, and hugs my sweet boy,,,,,Love and Light,,,,XOXOXOXOXOXOXXX
1/28/2022: Hi baby,,,,miss you so much,,,,,Love and Light sweetie,,,,XOXOXOXOXOXOXXX