Hello my lovely HannahCat. The "gold cat standard" as I called you as I was loving on you.

Happy Birthday. This would be seventeen for you.

I want to say I am fondly remembering you tonight with nothing but happiness when I think of you, but that is not the case. I am yet again grief stricken.

I have reached out to family and friends and there are many candles burning for you tonight.

I always remember you fondly yet rarely without sadness. I didn't want to come into the house tonight, knowing you would not make your way down the stairs with your decidedly HannahCat footfalls, to greet me and for me to exclaim "Happy Birthday HannahCat!!!"

Every damn day is just like the day we had to say good bye; sad, emotionally painful, and taxing. If it weren't for your sister Greta and our adopted housemates Daisy May and Itty Bitty, I would not be here...I don't want to be here without you.

I still miss you terribly and it's difficult for me to keep moving forward. My phone keeps suggesting content of you, and my goodness, some of the pictures and videos bring a smile to my face; it's the videos where I hear your beautiful meow that send me into a horrible place. I want to hug you. I want to hear you. I want to smell you. I did not do well this year in my goal of being less upset by your absence. I will again try this in 2026, and I will add another goal of continuing to be a good enough person so when I pass, you will be waiting for me and we will spend eternity, together. My HannahCat, you have changed my life and also positively affected the lives of people I meet. My lovely HannahCat...

I still miss you terribly. Wait for me sweetie. I love you.

Happy Birthday.

My lovely HannahCat. It's difficult to believe the 17th will be one year since we last looked into each others' eyes and had our last hug and purrs. I miss you terribly. Most days it feels like it's merely February 18th and I have just lost you all over again. I try to focus on the happiness you brought me and I can for a while but I am still heartbroken by your absence.

Little sister Greta is doing well for a senior girl. Her last check up was good and the vet is happy with all the lab results. The vet staff always loved and loves you and your sister; such good patients.

There has been some changes in the house; Greta was missing you as much if not more than me. My biggest regret when you passed was not having placed you next to Greta until she recognized you had passed. She looked for you and called out for months. It hurt me so bad to see her endure that. I set out to find Greta a companion. I reached out to the breeder that brought you into this world and she had a three year old girl that needed a home. She is a petite sandy colored girl with a big personality. Her name is Daisy May and she has been with us since May. She's a bit bossy and not a cuddler like you but maybe she will come around. Greta and Daisy May get along ok. They groom each other but they are not inseparable like you and Greta.

The other change happened recently. A coworker had an unexpected litter at his house and couldn't keep any of the litter. My coworker wore me down with kitten pics and videos and little Itty came into our lives on February 14th. We haven't had a kitten in the house since Greta was young, so many years ago. Itty is not a Savannah but two of her litter mates really looked like they had some Savannah bloodline. It doesn't matter as long as she is healthy. Itty is a handful. Greta and Daisy May have been seeing, hearing, and smelling Itty through a screen for two days and there has been some hissing and growling. For a nine week old kitten, Itty does not back down. This will work itself out with a bit of time.

HannahCat, I will light a candle for you every February 17th and also on your birthday. I look forward to dreaming of you every night but that never happens. I mourn you so deeply that it's probably not healthy. I will set a goal to better deal with my grief in the next 365 days.

HannahCat, time and space brought us together. Making a left somewhere instead of a right, passing on a job interview that caused me to move, and choosing to live at a different address would have caused us to never meet. The day you stuck your pretty little face through that fence and meowed at me, changed my life. Thank you sweetie. I miss you. I love you.