October 15, 2007
I can't believe your gone. It's been 10 long, awful, painful days. You fought so hard baby and I am so proud of you for that. It's just not fair. I don't understand this world - a world that makes such innocent loving babies suffer from incureable illness. You saved me after I lost Elijah I don't know what I would of done without you. Now your gone and I am so empty. Your brothers and sister miss you so much. Believe it or not I can't get Jordan out of the box you loved sleeping in. I know she played tough but she really loves and misses you.
I want to thank you for the last month you gave me, how you bounced back so strong after that scare we had . You were playing , eating, calling me mama again- I thought you were gonna be okay. I guess you just wanted for both of us to have one last happy time. And we did- your welcome home party, the nights we spent on the computer together, how you made sure you made your rounds when "your crew" were at the house. It's almost like you held on long enough to say your goodbyes and leave everyone with strong wonderful memories. You kept it GANGSTA- you really did.
I know your with Eli, Heath, Mica, Ebony, Licorice, Onyx, Molly, Jeremey and Aunt Sue. I bet your having more fun than we are.
Please not for one second forget how much I love you I will never be the same without you. As you were leaving this world I whispered in your ear 2 things- Tiffany said you could hear me- but incase you could'nt, I will tell you what I said because I want you to hear my words everyday baby.
If I had the chance to change or lives together, knowing I would lose you so quickly, I NEVER would! I am so glad I had the chance to love you and know you - and I hold onto that. I would rather have the small amount of time that I had with you than no time at all with you. And you just hang out there at the bridge with Eli, Heath and the rest of them because I'm coming for you all- one day we will all be together again and I know I will hear your sweet voice say "Mama" to me over and over just like you did when we were here together.
I love you so much and I miss you so much. You and Eli take good care of each other - Mama will be there soon.
October 22, 2007
Hello my wonderful baby boy, I miss you so much. I found the babies you directed me to, they are incredible. Malachi Kane reminds me so much of you- I bet that's what you looked like when you were that young. It's so perfectly strange because at times he reminds me so much of Eli it's amazing. He is a mixture of you and Eli- now just how did you manage that ? I don't know why I am surprised, neither you or Eli ever let me be alone. Thank you both for that. Then of course there are Riley Judson and Owen Chapin - what wonderful little boys they are. I can't imagine my life without a single one of them and they have only been home for 5 days. I would never forget Seth Emmanuel, he is only about 11 days old- which means he was entering this world as you were leaving it. He's a tough guy just like you.
Isaiah Riley as much as I love these new babies, they ARE NOT and WILL NEVER be a replacement for you!! You are my big guy, mama's Isaiah Riley, I will never be okay without you and I will never love anyone the way I love you. But just as we needed each other after Eli died, these babies need me and I need them. I love you so much and I can't wait to hear you say "MOM" again. I love you so much. THE PAIN NEVER FADES BECAUSE LOVE NEVER DIES.
December 27, 2007
Last Christmas with you was so wonderful some of my favorite pictures of us together were taken that day, and now this year without you I don't know how I made it through. I miss you so much and I love you so much.
How are you and Eli getting along? I bet you guys are really hitting it off.
Malachi is wonderful and Riley and Owen are just fantastic. Owen is such a mama's boy. He getsso upset when any of the other babies come near me- it's almost silly. Malachi looks so much like you I slip sometimes and call him your name. I miss you so much baby.
I arranged for food to be taken to FVS on Christmas eve I made signs with you and Eli on them so they knew it was from you. I could'nt go and drop it off it was just too hard. Walking those steps without you... well you know. But thank you for letting me do it all the times we did, I know you kept your promise as long as you could and I suspect even a little longer.
I love you so much I miss you so much. We are all doing our best to keep it gangsta for you my angel. I am so empty without you. Stay with Eli and I will be there soon . I can't wait to hold you again. I love you so much.

Please also visit Elijah Owen.