Lily loved Christmas presents and celebrating her birthday. She was a scavenger eater and would eat anything she came across, even underwear when she was young. She loved soft toys like the Taco Bell dog and her Lamb Lamb. She loved to chase toys that I threw down the hall and jump up to grab them from my arm. We would run around the house together. She liked playing hide and seek and going for walks. She would follow me around the house wherever I was and wait near the front door till I came home. Such loyalty.

I tried so hard to look after her the best I way I knew how. I hope it was enough. I hope she is at peace. I love you Lily with all my heart! 10/19/2106

10/26/16
Lily was cremated on Monday the 24th October 2016, a week after she passed away. I was lucky enough to see her that day. She looked very peaceful and looked like she was breathing. Lily was placed in a pet bed with a blanket, in a sleeping position, and she looked beautiful. I talked and cried with her and did not want to leave as I knew that this was the last time I would see her like this. It's so hard to come to grips with her passing on. Lily came to live with us in 2000 when she was 2 months old when my son was in high school and my daughter was 6 years old. She has been through so much with us. I even took her with me to Australia for a year. How will I go on without My Lily? I don't know.

10/30/16
My darling Lily I miss you so much. I keep talking to you and hoping that you will show me that you are here in spirit. I sleep with your green sweater every night, and will do so forever. Even though I have your ashes, it doesn't seem like it's you. Everywhere I look I see you. I can't bring myself to go for walks anymore because you are not here. This was our tradition and what made you so happy. I can still see you smiling after we came back after a long walk. Where are you? Are you happy? Please make it so. It will be 2 weeks tomorrow since you have been gone. I saw you last Monday in the pet cemetery and though you were not moving, it was you, your body. Tomorrow I won't even have that. Now I only have a box with your remains. How do I get through this? Please let me know that you are ok.

11-12-16
I'm so sad right now. I've been crying for 2 days on and off, particularly in the evening when I'm all alone. I miss Lily so much. I lay down in her bed and talk to her. I think about how she died. Should I have tried to keep her alive longer? What was the right thing to do? She was always trying to please me. I just miss her. 16 1/2 years she was here with me. My best friend. I don't know how to deal with this emptiness and loneliness. It was supposed to be me and her till the end. Why did she have to die?

11-30-16
My beautiful doggie Lily, not a day goes by that I do not think of you. Tears are a forever thing for me now and I can't seem to get over the fact that you are gone. I keep thinking that you are still here. I talk to you all the time and sleep with your green sweater every night. I feel somehow that I have failed you. I fed you what I thought was the best food, no by products, organic, and still you ended up getting lymphoma. Maybe if I had got you tested for allergies it might have helped with the itching of your paws. I don't know. Was it was something they sprayed on the lawn that made you sick? Its too late now but I second guess myself everyday. I went for a long walk today. I now feel like I am walking for both of us. I walked around and around the routes we used to take. I talked to you silently as I walked. I hope I get to meet up with you again my little Lily. Please forgive me for whatever I could of done and didn't, whatever that is. I love you and always will. I hope you are in a good place.

05-01-17
Lily it is your birthday tomorrow. May 2nd. You would have been 17 years old. I am so sad right now. Not a day goes by where I don't think of you. Every single day, tears well up in my eyes as I think about the walks we used to take together and the fun we had. I know I am just a stupid human, and you were way superior to me but I wish I had the insight to have been able to keep you from suffering in your last year. I feel like I failed you. Lily, I don't understand why you got lymphoma. I fed you the best food throughout your life. Well I thought it was the best food. In hindsight, I should of fed you Honest Kitchen from the beginning and not given you dry food at all. This is what I mean by me being a stupid human. I will celebrate your birthday tomorrow the way we always did, with a cake and singing Happy Birthday. I will sit in your chair and honor you. I miss you so much and I will love you forever. My beautiful Lily!

09-25-17
My dearest Lily, it has been almost a year since you have been gone. I still talk to you everyday and shed a tear. I still wonder if I could have done anything different to prolong your life; even though I know that you were 16 years old and that you couldn't live forever. I miss you and I am so glad that you came into my life. You were a blessing and I will forever be in your debt. Stay safe wherever you are. I hope we get to meet again. I love you my Lily!

10-12-17
Its getting close to the 17th. This date will mark one year without you. I'm sad just thinking about it. I feel myself thinking more and more about you Lily. Suranee bought her cat here to stay with us. Her name is Pumpkin. She is so quiet and nothing like you. I do like her though, and it is nice to have a companion animal around again. She also makes me think of my cat Lucki who I loved as much as you. Rest in peace my Lily. I'll miss you forever.

10-17-17
Here it is, the day I have been dreading. Today marks one year of you being gone. I woke up with anxiety, and I feel like its a year ago - the day you left. I hugged your ashes this morning, and weeped. I am not doing good today, and I wasn't prepared for this. I am trying to keep busy, but you are constantly on my mind. Where are you? I don't know what to think. Buddhism tells me that you are gone, and I know this to be true, but I am still having a hard time accepting it. I was so attached to you my Lily. I know we should follow non attachment, but I chose not to do that with you. You were my rock and my best friend. I miss you terribly, and am so grateful that you came into my life and I had the fortune to know you. What a beautiful dog you were. So pretty, and so loving. I hope we get to meet again somehow, somewhere. Rest in peace my Lily. Till next time.

05-02-18
Happy Birthday my beautiful Lily! You. would have been 18 years old today. We would have had a doggie birthday cake and you would have been sitting on a chair at the table while we sang Happy Birthday to you. I still remember the last time you sat at the table for your 16th birthday. You weren't well but you still participated, and I am glad I have that memory and a photo too. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of you Lily. Not one. I say "Good morning" to you every morning and shed a tear nearly every day when I think of you. This place is filled with memories, from the walks we took to the fun we had with each other. All your belongings are here and intact. I have everything. Sometimes I go and smell your bed to try and get your scent. I miss you! I wish you could come back but I know that it's not going to happen. You are in my thoughts every day. Please be ok wherever you are my Lily! Happy Birthday! I will always love and remember you.

08-18-19
My beautiful Lily, I still think about you daily. What can I do to get over you and fully understand that you are not coming back. I was so fortunate to know you and spend so many years with you. My regret is that you were not truly free. Everything you did depended on us. We made decisions for you. I am sorry about that. I hate the way speciesism works. I believe that all species have the right to live freely with their own families. While we take on that role for our pets, it is not the same as them doing what they want to do at any given time. I hope somehow we get to meet again in whatever form of life. I hope you are not suffering and I want you to know that I will always love you. I shed a tear every time I think about you. I miss you so very much.

05-03-2020
It's the day after your birthday. I thought about you yesterday and remembered the doggie cake I used to buy you on your birthday from Molly's Gormutts. I thought about the fun walks we used to do and I imagined you lying on your bed in front of the tv. I miss you and can't believe it's been 3 and a half years since you have been gone. There is bad virus killing people right now, so who knows I might be joining you soon. In a way I am glad you are not here while this is going on as you wouldn't understand what is happening. Then again, doggies are far more in tune with the natural world, so maybe you would know. I miss you and I think about you daily.

10-16-2020
It is that time again. It will be 4 years tomorrow since you are no longer with me my Lily. I cannot believe it has been that long, but there is nothing I can do to change it. I miss you and think about you daily. I say good night to you every night, and sometimes I also wish you good morning. Your photo is still looking at me me when I wake up. It is a hard thing to lose someone who you hold so dear. It was hard to see you in the last months and not know what to do to help you. I am sorry if you suffered more than I knew. I am a dumb human and we aren't the smartest of species. Please always know that I loved you and that I miss you immensely. Anytime I go for a walk, you come to mind. I miss seeing you trotting so proudly on the opposite side of the road. I would give anything to be able to take you for a walk and sit with you on the white wall near the Vons Center. One day I hope to get another Cocker Spaniel. No other dog will ever replace you but I would love to have another doggie around to remind me of you. My baby Lily, please be ok wherever you are.

10-12-2021
My dearest Lily, I am not currently in San Diego, your home. I am in Australia, and with me are your ashes. I thought about the pet cemetery the other day. I still see a vision of you lying in the chapel. Thinking of you still brings tears to my eyes as does the music I selected for your residency. I miss you so much. I am not sure what to do with your ashes. I should let you be free and be one with nature again. I am contemplating the best way to do that. It will be hard for me. How I wish you were here in the flesh. We have two doggie doors at the house and you would have loved going outside and basking in the sun. I miss our walks and us playing hide and seek. I even miss you eating anything you could find out on the road. I miss having you around. You were my best friend. What a beautiful dog you were. So pretty and kindhearted. You were always there waiting for me. My heart breaks as I realize that I will never see you again. Thank you for coming into my life.

5-2-2022
May 2 2022. Happy Birthday Lily girl. You would have been 22 years old. That is old for a dog but I will continue to remember your birthday as the years roll on. Your ashes are still in my room, along with Pumpki's. Suranee got a new addition yesterday by way of a kitty cat. She is all black so she is naming her after my cat Lucki. I wish you here with us. I have had some health issues and I wonder at times whether I am on my way to meet you. I am considering being buried under a tree when I die, and if so, would place your ashes there ahead of time. I miss you Lily. It has been almost 6 years but you were such a big part of my life. I miss so much about you. I still remember how tiny you were when we got you and you biting my shoelaces. We had some good times you and I. I hope you are in a better place. Love you girl!

10-17-2022
It has been 6 years since my Lily passed away. I have a special connection with this day, as Lily begins to enter my mind more and more often as the anniversary date gets closer. Last night I had a dream about Lily and woke up asking myself what day is it? Her ashes are in my room in a box that the funeral service so nicely placed her in. Sadly she will never visit my current home but memories of her and I will remain close to my heart. The daily walks, trotting, high fly jumping, running and chasing, playing hide and seek. All wonderful memories that I cherish. As it gets closer to Christmas and the holidays, I remember how excited Lily would get at opening her presents. She was a riot and such a beautiful dog to look at. I miss her so much. I hope to connect with her again in a future life. I love you Lily!