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Oh, my little sweet girl! Me and your Daddy miss you ever so much! You came to me on February 9th, 1998 from your 2nd keeper who had remarried and had to find a home for you because his new step daughter was allergic - you were two years old and joined our home scared and frightened of your two new cat mates, Jules, who was also two and a loving little boy and Casey who was about 12 and so tacky to you! It took awhile to get adjusted in 'that' home until September 13th, 2001 when you, me and Jules left that terrible household and a Daddy who didn't like you. I will never forget how while in that home you always knew that you were safe with me, slept with me and edged Jules out of the place by my side at night - you relegated him to sleeping at my feet. You had no problem comfortably sitting in the back seat while we moved to our new abode, a little rent house I had secured for us. We stayed there for two years and then moved again to our, the three of us, new apartment. In Sept, 2009, unbeknownst you got a new Daddy who dearly loved you. Over the years, you had become more comfortable with me and Jules and I would tell you always how much I loved you and had wished that I had 'gotten my little girl when you were a newly born little girl.' Maybe then you wouldn't have had so many of the fears and hurts that you had - in the end, though, beginning when your Daddy and I got married in December 2009 and moved into his home, a huge home with a big yard to explore and play in, you relaxed. You WERE home. You had a huge house with multiple beds set up all over and toys to play with - your own 'upstairs suite!' I am so glad that your last two years were filled with (more) love, maybe more than you knew was possible, I always gave you ALL of my love, but then your Daddy loved you even more, not than me, but gave you everything you had always deserved. You got a few months of being the one and only in 2009 after we lost Jules to the same dreadful kidney disease that you eventually would succumb to - I didn't want to let you go, I still, two days later and will always, want you here with me but your Daddy and I couldn't let you decline and get into the 'suffering phase' of that awful disease. Wednesday morning when you could no longer take any steps on your own and weren't eating much was the worst I could let you get to. I was sooooo very lucky to get to have final quality time with you sitting in my lap Tuesday night and Wednesday morning before you left us. You had sat in my lap so many times before, every night while we would watch tv for years. Then when Dr Daryl told me that IT was time, my heart broke. Your little back legs had just given out. Daddy and I took you over to Hurst Animal Clinic sitting in my lap on a hand towel and the old blue blanket that you would sit on my lap on. I have slept with that blanket for the past two nights since you left. You left us surrounded by love, Daddy standing behind me crying, me with my left hand on your little tiny body and your precious little head resting on my right hand. Samantha gently held your lower body and Dr Daryl let you go. They loved you too! You were loved by everyone at the clinic! Both before and after I told you how much I loved you, held you, kissed you for the final times while crying - I can't imagine my life without you. You have gotten so many precious messages on facebook where I have memorialized you - Your pictures have been in my family photos for the past several years since I joined Facebook - you are my baby girl. I never had a 'human' baby for many reasons so you got all the love that my precious little Mama, who I feel sure is taking care of you on the other side, gave me. You were loved by your Aunts and Uncles who have cried with me and for you. When I got home Wednesday, I spent the day crying - you later reassured me that you were ok when I was walking into the living room to eat dinner with Daddy by gently meowing - I knew you were there! I couldn't go upstairs to your suite all day Wednesday. I knew you physically weren't up there and couldn't bear not seeing you up there sleeping. I will get you 'back' on Monday and your little cedar box will be placed next to Jules. I went and stroked his little cedar box yesterday and told him that I want you to take care of each other til the time that you will be permanently laid to rest with me. Oh, the stories, every day I will add one - I will probably never run out of stories. I know you didn't like me and Daddy following you when you would go outside but you would always wander ... sometimes to far up in the yard for comfort but when I would look for you and when I got close you would meow to let me know you were there. You were so much like me - with the three bowls of food in the kitchen, you made it 'your buffet.' You had glasses of water all over the house so that you were never thirsty. You had your own 'personal' litter box (in addition to the other 3 downstairs) in our bedroom upstairs along with more food, wet and dry and a bowl of water. In 'your' room, you had pillow beds and another bowl of water and another bowl of dry food. A few months ago, I guess when the kidney disease was beginning, you had a daily ritual, sometimes several times, of getting in the bathtub after Daddy and I had taken our showers to drink the 'fresh' water. Mommy loves you soooooo very much. I will be back later to add to this - I Love You and MISS you so much I can hardly stand it! Mommy.
I woke up early, thinking about you but thats no different than the last few days and particularly since you stopped sleeping with me a week or two ago. You kept hiding. I always told you and Jules that when it was 'time' not to go hide to come to Mommy and I would hold you. I love you so very much. I keep expecting to find you in your various usual places and especially in the morning coming down the stairs with me to get fed. This isn't getting any easier. I went outside on the front porch to smoke last night - Mark, Emily, Holly and Henry were visiting - its the first time since you've been gone. I started crying knowing I didn't need to watch you as you started in the front and walked around to the back to eat grass, explore and find a place in the grass to lay. I love you so much!! I just want you back. Thank you for meowing at me Wednesday night - I realized that you had detoured before you went to the bridge to let Mommy & Daddy know you were here, if only for a little bit, and ok. Baby Girly, we love and miss you so very much! Mommy Remember when I would follow you around the yard, and you would look back and meow as if to say 'You're not the boss of me!' lol...I always thought that was so funny because indeed, I WAS! Oh, my little baby girl! You're back home with Daddy & Me! Your precious little ashes are resting in a little cedar chest next to Jules on our dresser right next to our bed. It has your name on it with August 2013. I was on the verge of tears on my way over to pick you up and cried so hard as I read the sweet cards that the Animal Clinic and Smoke Rise Farms gave us. Brittany and Samantha said what a beautiful little sweet girl you were - Debbie said 'Love You!' I miss you more than I can bear sometimes even though I know you were ready. You're always in my thoughts and my heart! I love you so very much! Mommy Little Baby Girl - Its been one week, I still sleep with the blue blanket that we took you for your final journey to the Animal Clinic and that for so many years you slept in my lap on the couch. I miss you so very much. When I started cooking dinner last night, I heard your precious little meow to let me know that you were with me - just as every day when I would start cooking dinner, you would come downstairs and meow at me to give you something. 'But little girl, Mommy doesn't have anything to give you, I'm sorry, but I don't,' I would always tell you. I love and miss you soooooooo much! I know you're exploring and sunbathing in the glorious meadows. One day we will be reunited! I love you, little sweet girl! Mommy Hi my little baby girl. I love and miss you sssssoooooo very much! I haven't been crying as much which isn't saying all that much. I still look for you in your little normal places and think about and talk about you a lot. I realized you were with me for one fourth of my life. I was thinking about your final few days driving home today from getting dinner for daddy and me. I'm so glad and grateful for the last night and last morning of your life you sitting in my lap. Unfortunately I also relived those final moments of your life but I was holding you the entire time as I cried and then even after you were gone. I talk to you when I go to bed at night, to both you and Jules and tell you both how much I love and miss both of you. I may sleep with the blue blanket the rest of my life. Depending on how long that may be, it might be a tiny little square when I join you and Bub and Grand Mommy Reba. I know she, Jan and all my aunts are taking good care of you. I Love You, Little Sweet Girl. G'night, Baby Girl. Mommy My lil baby girl - you've been gone 3 months, it was on Thanksgiving - I miss you ever so much but know you're basking in the sweet sunlight and grass. I love you so much, Little Sweet Girl! I always will! Oh, my, lil, girlie one, you've been gone a year tomorrow...I had a dream about you last night, I couldn't find you - there were lots of lil kitties running around but you were nowhere to be found. Then I woke up and realized why. You're safe at the bridge and in my Mom's and Jan's loving care. I miss you so - I haven't been able to post because its still so painful. I love you, little baby girl! and Miss You, forever. Oh, my, my...Its coming up on 2 years since I saw your precious little being and theres not a day that goes by that I don't think of you...No doubt you've found OJ by now, certainly Thom Thom, and your cousin Little Sun has now joined you as did our 6 week old Mel. His body just wasn't growing after his biological Mom abandoned him, your Daddy and I did everything we could to keep him alive but he just wasn't strong enough. Mommy misses you still so very much. You're still my cover photo on Facebook cuz I just can't bear to change it and not see you every day. I still look for you in your room. Love you forever little Missy!! and miss you forever, baby girl! |
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