I'm dying inside but as soon as i got home I researched treatments for cats that had lived through cancer, what did their parents do. But the doctor kept emphasizing, quality of life - which is code - I didn't initially understand. It means prepare for final goodbyes. I took Pedro home that day and started ordering natural products. I thought we could fight this. I had pep talks, yes with my cat - telling him he could beat this and he could fight this, that he was a strong boy. I told him, Pedro, "baby you have to eat to live," and he would go over to his bowl and he started to eat some food. I smiled thinking, Pedro is something else, he really understands me.

I started giving him minerals and in those 4 days he seemed to get some new life. He had recently started regrooming himself. There seemed to be a hopeful turn. He had a 2nd vet visit and everything went downhill fast after that. I wish in hindsight I had gone to a different vet for help.

When I brought him home after that 2nd visit, any energy that he had regained was spent, he was literally dying of thirst. No wonder the vet said, she thought he wouldn't make it, he barely was. BUT that wasn't his condition when I dropped him off earlier that day. I get so angry thinking about it. When I let him out of his carrier he literally crawled to his water bowl and laid over it lapping water up. I've never seen him like that. That last visit took everything out of him. That was on a Tuesday 10/12.

I spent that day, praying and talking to God, looking at Pedro because I knew what needed to happen but I needed to accept it and move on from the hope that "we" could fight it. It was too late, he just didn't have the energy for anything.

On Wednesday 10/13/21 I called Peaceful Passage after finding out that we could say our goodbyes to Pedro at home surrounded by love. Wednesday was the day I realized that he was in too much pain and I had to let him go.

The lady I spoke to at Peaceful Passage was the voice of perfection, her tone was so soft, understanding and endearing. She was so patient as I cried trying to figure out what to do and when. I knew that my sister, niece and nephew might want to see Pedro before we said goodbye, forever. Thursday morning after watching Pedro through the night, afraid he might not even make it - I knew it had to be Thursday, October 14th.My sister rushed down to be by my side. Our pets are our family members. My niece and a friend facetimed in.

Our last time together was spent in the backyard. I let him walk around outdoors that Wednesday afternoon and Thursday morning. Then I picked him and held him close, wrapped in my arms. We sat in the backyard on a very sunny day, letting the sunshine wash over us. I hugged him and savored the moments with him. He looked up at me so earnestly, almost like he understood every word of love and encouragement that i said to him. I told him as I had so many times, what a good, smart boy he was.

The Dr arrived on Wednesday 10/14 and even so patiently waited for my sister to arrive. My sister held Pedro and talked with him. We had prayer over him and I thanked God that he allowed me to be his human mommy. I held Pedro in my arms and told him that I didn't want him to suffer anymore. The dr shaved a spot on his paw and he gave him that 1st shot, a sedative. That 1st shot he immediately slummed over and he was already gone it seemed. Goodbye was so painful and still is.

Almost 4 weeks later and it's still so quiet without Pedro. He was the smartest little kitty I ever had. If i asked him to wake me up in the morning he did. He was always running around trilling and meowing, "Hi" "how are you?" "Hey, don't forget me, I'm here too or It's time to go to bed. " He followed me everywhere. If I didn't see him through the day he would come to my home office, since I've been working at home through the pandemic and sit with me. He sat under my desk, while I worked or he sat on the window ledge.

If the doorbell rang, he would go to the door. IF there was a strange noise, he would go investigate. If i needed him, I could whistle for him wherever I was he would come to me. He was the perfect boy. He was a watch cat. Pedro was simply one fantastic cat.

Still missing my boy Pedro so much, can't believe he's gone. As much as I wanted him to live watching him deal with the pain was more than I could bear. Making a decision on life and death even for a pet, is heart wrenching but necessary sometimes.

I feel so blessed to have had the opportunity to be the caretaker of a smart, beautiful, social cat for 13 years. He was my company, especially through the pandemic. He was more than a cat, he was my little boo, my little boy, my family and I will always love him. I miss him so much. People ask are you going to get another cat and you don't replace souls like that. I can never replace Pedro. I can fall in love another cat but I think Pedro was one of kind. Pedro was a one of kind cat. I think God that I had these last 2 years in the Pandemic to be with him every single day that i could. I was so disappointed that he didn't live longer but I am so glad that God let me have him as long as I did.