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Hi my name is Santina, I was born on August 29, 2004 and crossed the Rainbow Bridge on June 11, 2012. My Mom's name is Sadie and my Dad's name is Samson and I have been with my Momma since the day I was born, you see my Momma has Sadie and Samson. My Momma named my sister Sophia but then her new Momma named her Hope. My Momma struggled trying to find a name for me, you see it had to be just right. Then one day while she was walking it came to her, "Santina"! My Momma knew that she was going to keep me, there wasn't a doubt in her mind. And so our life together began. My Momma used to take my Mom, Dad and me to a field where we could run run run. I would run a little ahead of my Momma but I never let her out of my sight, I always ran back to get her, cause she wasn't as fast of a walker as I was a runner. My Momma always called me her Protector cause I always kept her in my sights. She called me lots of other names to, like Honey Girl, Baby Girl, Sweet Baby.. I loved playing in the snow, I remember my very first snow storm, we got lots and lots of snow and I wasn't very big at the time, I ran and jumped all over the yard just loving every minute of it. I had lots of snow balls on my fur but I wouldn't have traded that for anything. I loved chasing ballies too, I just didn't like giving them back, my Momma had to chase me down to get it from me. I was the fastest runner ever. I had my own babies when I was 11 months old, it was a mistake, my Momma wasn't sure I was pregnant until I had my babies, I had 7 of them and they were born 7/5/05. I was a very good mommy to my babies, and when they were old enough my Momma made sure that they all got special good homes. One of the things that I loved my Momma to do was rubbing my belly, I had the cutest way to lay on my back that always got my Momma's attention. And oh, I loved to have my back scratched too. My Momma could see in my face how much I enjoyed those things. My Momma used to take me to work with her once in a while and everyone there was so surprised that I would walk right beside my Momma without a leash and if anyone came into her office, well remember I am her Protector, need I say more!! And it was the same way when we would walk down the street; although, I didn't really like all the traffic. I was much happier at the parks. On 11/16/07 I gave birth to my second litter of babies, 4 of them this time. I had to go to the vets office after I gave birth to one, not sure what went wrong but they had to induce labor twice, and they were all fine. My Momma kept two of the babies, and their names are Simon and Makana, now that brought our family up to 5 Cocker Spaniels, all of us related. And my Momma wouldn't have had it any other way. Now going to the park was challenging, cause we would all run in different directions and then there was the stream. We would all run and splash the water everywhere, those were the days. Everyday when my Momma would get up the first thing she did was to go to the pantry and get our treats for us and then our get our food. I loveeee my treats!! I love carrots, apples, popcorn, cucumbers, peanut butter now that is my all time favorite!! In April 2010 my Momma adopted a special needs Boxer puppy, he was born with Cerebellar Hypoplasia, (my Momma helped me with those big words). Well, since I couldn't have anymore babies, I took this little fellow under my wing. I watched over him and made sure that none of the other doggies hurt him. His name is Bobby. Bobby was never supposed to walk cause of his condition, but I'm here to tell you that he can walk and run, he shakes but he can do these things. He is the only one that I would really let get near me and my ballie. I got sick in March 2012 and I had to be on two different steroids, I was holding my own and then I broke my left front leg. My Momma didn't have the money to have the surgery so my leg was put in a cast. It took me a little while to get used to it but I was managing to get around with it. My Momma would put me and Bobby out in the front yard with our ballies and I would lay under the big tree and just enjoy being outside in the fresh air. We had to do weekly blood tests for a while and then we went to once every three weeks. I had a minor relapse but recovered from that. After 4 weeks being in the cast there wasn't any sign that my leg was healing, so my Momma decided that we would have the leg amputated in July. Two days after my four week x-ray, my right leg broke. My Momma was out walking when it happened and she knew when she got home what had happened. Of course when I saw her I was laying on the kitchen floor but that is where I was when she left. I wagged my tail when she came in but I didn't move. When she came to move me I cried out and she knew cause she had heard that cry before. She picked me up and laid me on the couch and then decided that I would be more comfortable on my air bed. She laid me there and gave me a couple pain pills to help with the pain. My Momma slept on the floor beside me that night, and when she woke the next morning she said my little head was on her pillow. We went to the vets office and they x-rayed my leg and told my Momma that it was broke. My Momma knew and she knew what she had to do for me. She got my ballie and laid it by my head, she brought a pair of her summer jammies and laid the shirt on my back and the shorts on my behind, they had little doggies on them and they said "Sweet Dreams"! She wrapped her arms around me and held me close to her all the while telling me she loves me and kissing me. I kissed her face for the last time and she held me tight long after I took my last breath. I came home that Wednesday and my Momma made a special place for me in the living room. Now she has had a special place for me here. My life lives on in my Momma's heart and her thoughts and I will always be with her! A Treasured Friend I lost a treasured friend today Author Unknown My Dearest Santina girl...you have and always will be my sunshine, my love and my life. I miss you more and more every day. The life we shared was precious to me, you are my Angel, and I knew that from the first time I laid my eyes on you. I knew that you were the baby that I was going to keep. Everyday when I wake you are in my thoughts and every night when I go to bed you are in my thoughts. I kiss your picture and your urn and tell you that I love and miss you and wish you a good morning and at night I do the same thing and wish you a good night. I had a dream about you not too long ago and you were alive and everyone came to see that you were. They were all in disbelief until they saw. I remember saying how cold your kisses were but that they would warm up just as soon as you got to a warm place. I know you are alive, you are running and playing and that is something that you weren't able to do. You are pain free my Angel. The day you broke your right leg, while I was out walking I was begging God to help you, and I was devastated when I got home to find your other leg was broke. I didn't understand why God would put more pain and agony on you until I went back to work and talked to Lisa and she told me that God didn't put more pain on you, He took your pain and gave it to me. Then I understood. I wish that I could have healed you so that you were still here with me, but I guess in a way I did heal you, I took your pain away and you will never be in pain again. On 7/19/12, you will be forever etched into my skin, that is the day that I get your beautiful face tattooed on my chest. It has always been my dream to get all my babies tattooed and now is the time to do it. Sadie, Samson, Makana, Simon are your family and they will be there too and we will all be together. I love you Santina with all that I am and all that I will ever be. Please wait for me to cross over the Rainbow Bridge so we can spend eternity together. LOVE ALWAYS and FOREVER, MOMMA!!! 7/16/12 - Good Morning Baby Girl..it has been 5 weeks since you crossed the Rainbow Bridge and there hasn't been a day that has gone by that I haven't cried or teared up. Monday's are extremely difficult for me, that is the day that I held you close while you went to eternal sleep. I Love You so much and I wish that I could turn back the hands of time, I miss you so much. I know that you are no longer in pain and you are running like you did years ago, fast fast fast. You brought me so much joy, happiness, laughter and most of all, unconditional love. I Love You Baby Girl...Momma 7/20/12 - Hi Baby Girl, I got you tattooed on my chest yesterday, not only are you forever inside of me, you are now forever on the outside of me, I take you with me everywhere. I miss you so much Santina, and I love you more than words can say. Momma 7/24/12 - Hi my Beautiful Baby Girl, it has been 6 weeks yesterday that I laid you to rest and there are still days that I feel numb over all over. I found so much comfort talking with you on Sunday and knowing that you are truly with me and always will be gives me a lot of peace. I will do everything I can to help Sadie through her depression. Joy sent me a list of things to get to put in the dogs water to help with depression. I hope that she can get through this. I know that I'm having difficulty with all of it so I can imagine what she is going through. She hides under the bed a lot if the bedroom door is open or she'll just go in there and lay on the bed by herself. I knew that she was depressed, after all she is your mother. I miss and love you so much my Angel!!! Love Momma 7/30/12 - Hi Precious Girl, it has been 7 weeks and the pain of losing you is as strong today as it was on that day. It is still hard to accept that you are gone but I know that you are with me in spirit. I looked the meaning of your name on the internet and it said that Santina means "little saint and or little angel", now I know why I named you Santina, you are my little angel. The day that we got to talk to each other, Joy said that you picked your name, you must have cause when it came to me I knew that that had to be your name. I miss you Baby Girl more than words can ever express. I miss seeing your happy face when I would walk in the door and seeing your tail wag. I miss everything about you. I Love you Honey!!! 8/6/12 - Hi my Precious Santina girl, 8 weeks today you went to the Rainbow Bridge, and to me it seems like it was just yesterday. I miss you so much and every day at some point the emptiness of losing you creeps in. I bought a card to give to Lone Mountain thanking them for all that they did and still do for us. I'm going to make a collage of pictures of you to give them as well, I know that you would want me to do that. They are really wonderful people there and they took such good care of you. I Love you Baby Girl, Momma. 8/13/12 - Hi Baby Girl, 9 weeks ago I held you close as you closed your eyes for the last time, I still find it hard to believe that you are gone. My heart yearns for your kisses. Sadie decided that she wanted to be real cranky the other night and bit me in 3 different places. And I thought to myself, my Santina was such a good girl, although you had your moments but you never bit me. And you are gone and she is still here. I know that it's a bad thing to think like that but I did. I love you honey and I miss you so much. 8/20/12 - I love you Santina and my heart is breaking. I miss you so so much and as each day goes by the loss of you hasn't gotten easier. I try so hard to have good days, Joy told me that when I have good days you have good days and if I have bad days you have bad days. I try really hard to have good days, I don't want you to have any bad days you had enough of those, you deserve only good ones. Makana has gotten to be so much like you it amazes me. She is really needy though, if I'm giving attention to one of the other doggies, she gets right in between us. Not sure what's going on with that,she used to be needy before but it is much more now. She never lets me out of her sight. I'm surprised that I can leave to go to work without her trying to go with me... 10 weeks have gone by since you passed and I still feel empty and lost. Always remember that I love you with all that I am, my precious girl. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox 8/29/12 - HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY PRECIOUS BABY GIRL!!! Today is your birthday, you would have been 8 years old. I remember the day you were born just like if it were yesterday. Your life ended too quickly, you were too young. I always thought that you would be with me forever. I'm not handling your loss very well not very well at all. I miss you so much. I talked to your sister's Momma the other day and told her about what happened to you, she was sad that you weren't here anymore. She told your sister that you had crossed the Rainbow Bridge. Santina, I miss you so much. Love you always and forever in my heart, Momma..xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox 9/18/12 - My Baby Girl sorry I haven't written in a while, it's been crazy the last few weeks. I had to take Samson to the emergency vet, he and Bobby got into a fight and of course Samson got the short end of the stick. No stitches though, just antibiotics. Then Sadie and Bobby got into a couple of fights and then she went after me. On Sunday I was going into the garage to get everyone's food and one of the doggies closed the door on my finger, that really hurts and I may lose my nail. I'm not sure what's going on with Sadie, she is always under my bed, she's there when we go to bed, she comes out to eat (sometimes) and she stays there until I come home from work. I'm thinking that she is under there with you. You used to lay under there from time to time. It's weird, but I think you're there and she is keeping you company until I get home from work. I had an appointment with Dr. Katie on Thursday about Sadie and her going after me among other things as well. All the doggies are itching and I don't know what it is. She prescribed some stuff called Revolution so hopefully that will work. We shall see. Sadie has been pretty mellow and happy these past few weeks so I'm hoping that will stay. I so want to talk to you again, but money has been tight but just as soon as I can, we will talk. I LOVE YOU so much and the loss of you is taking it's toll on me and I think Sadie too. I think she is grieving for you and so does Dr. Katie. LOVE you Always...Momma xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo 11/8/12 - OH My Baby Girl...I am so sorry that I haven't written to you in so long. Momma has been bad. I don't want you to think that I have forgotten you, that will never ever happen. Every day I am surrounded by you, at work and at home and where ever I go. I miss you so much. I was sitting here at work just a little bit ago looking at your picture and reading the poem that I posted here for you, and I started to cry. I still can't believe that you are gone from this place. Well, we're moving but I know that you know this already. It's a much nicer home and I know that you will love it there. You'll have your special place on the fireplace hearth, so you will always be warm and you'll be able to see everything that goes on. Oh Santina, I miss you so much, my baby girl. There are times that I call Sadie by your name but I think that she knows how much I miss you and it's just a slip but the two of you look so much alike. Well, she is your mother. As soon as I can I'm going to make an appointment with Joy so we can talk again, I need to talk to you so much. I LOVE YOU and MISS YOU TERRIBLY...Momma xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox 12/12/12 - Hi My Santina girl...Wow, it has been 6 months yesterday that I held you in my arms while you took your last breath. My heart has been heavy these last few weeks, I miss you so much. The holidays are upon us and you are not here with me to celebrate. 2/25/13 - My Baby Girl...It's been 8 long months since you went to the Rainbow Bridge, and the loss of you hasn't lessened. I miss you so much but I know that you are still with me. We are in our new house and I have seen you more here than I ever did in the other house. I know that you like it here, it is so much quieter here and you really didn't like a lot of noise. Momma got sick, she came down with shingles. Oh my the pain with those is awful. But I don't have to tell you about pain, you already know of that. I wish you were still here with me. You have your special place on the fireplace hearth, and your bed is in front of the fireplace. Bobby still sleeps on it I know that he still smells you there. I miss you baby, my beautiful girl, please don't ever leave me, I couldn't bear it if you did. I LOVE you with all that I am. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo 12/16/13 - Hi my Sweet Baby Girl! Momma has been bad not coming here and writing to you. I have not forgotten you, I think about you all the time and miss you just as much as ever. I love you Santina. I know you are with me, there are times when I am in my bedroom and the dogs will start to howl, I know you are here when they do that. I've been sick, I had walking pneumonia a few weeks ago and today I feel really crappy again. I'm staying home today and hopefully I will feel better tomorrow. You are my angel now and forever!! We have snow on the ground, you loved playing in the snow, I remember how you would bury your face in it and lay in it. I miss that so much, seeing you run around in it, playing. Things are not the same anymore and it is those memories of you that I hold in my heart. Your babies, Simon and Makana are doing good. Simon is on medicine, he has seizures and Makana is on allergy medicine, she is allergic to 17 different things. Sadie, Samson and Bobby are all doing good as well. Sherrie's doggie Tanner is not doing well, I can't get him to take his medicine, he spits the food with the medicine in it out. He won't eat, much, I think that he is getting ready to go. I know that when he does it will devastate Sherrie. He is old and his liver is enlarged and that is what two of the medicines are for and the other is a pain pill. I tried to give it to him in peanut butter but he just spit that out too. Well enough about that. I miss you and love you Baby Girl, you are always in my heart!!! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo 6/11/14 - Ahhh, my sweet beloved Santina, I miss you so much. Two years ago today I held you in my arms telling you how much I love you while you took your last breaths before you went into your forever sleep and crossed over to the Rainbow Bridge. I know that I haven't written to you for a while but always remember that you are always on my mind, and in my heart and always will be. A friend of mines daughter had to send her baby to Rainbow Bridge today and whenever I hear of a friend of mine saying good-bye to their babies, my heart cries for them and for me too... Oh Santina, how I yearn for you to still be here with me but I know that you couldn't, it just wouldn't have been the right thing to do. Please forgive me for all the things that I could have done, the things that I could have done differently and loving you more than I did. I love you so much Santina that it breaks my heart that you are gone. I look at your pictures every day. My heart has not healed and I don't know if it ever will. I look at Samson, Sadie, Simon, Makana, and Bobby and know that one day they will be with you and it saddens me, that realization scares me. I love you baby girl now and forever!!! xxxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxo 11/14/15 - I'm so so sorry for not visiting your page, but always remember that there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about you and miss you. I read your story this morning and my heart broke, I miss you so much. You went to the Rainbow Bridge 3 years ago and the pain of losing you is still with me just like it was yesterday. I still wonder what I could have done to save you. But I'll never know if there was. I know that I carry you in my heart and you will always be there. But sometimes I wonder if that is enough, are you happy with being in my heart, knowing that you will and always will be forever with me? I wish that I could turn back the hands of time, to hold you again, give you kisses and tell you how much I love you and what you mean to me. My Sweet Sweet Angel, I pray that you will be waiting for me when my time comes then I will know that I am safe, we will be together again, my little girl, my angel, my protector. I LOVE YOU more than words can say, please don't forget me. Love you now and forever, my sweet girl!!! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo 7/3/17 - My Santina girl, so much has happened since I've been here. As you know, your son Simon got his angel wings on 6/29/16, he is now with you. Oh Santina, I miss the two of you so much, my life hasn't been the same since Simon left. Your momma Sadie is starting to show her age (at times) she has cataracts and is more than likely losing her hearing. Your dad is getting up there in age too, I notice that they both sleep pretty soundly, your momma always did actually. She's going to be 15 in March and your dad is going to be 14. Your daughter Makana is going to be 10, where does the time go...I miss you so much my girl and I love you to the moon and back and further. Please give Simon a kiss for me and tell him that I will never forget him. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo 5/7/20 - Oh Santina will you ever be able to forgive me for not coming here sooner. So much has happened since the last time I visited. I know that I don't need to go into detail, you already know. Your family is now with you and I know that you are all playing together. Bobby is there with you and so is Minnie. I have two new dogs, they will never replace any of you, you all were my family. I'm really trying to be a better doggie momma but sometimes it is so hard. They are so different than all of you, I'm not sure I can do this with them, they are more than I bargained for. I wish all of you were here with me. There are things that Kali does that remind me of you, her fear of things that are out of the normal. She sleeps on the couch most of the time like Sadie did. She is such a mild girl so much different than Koda. Koda on the other hand can be a terror at times. He does sleep on the bed with me, he will come in later in the night to get on the bed. He reminds me of Bobby, despite the reminders and actions, it isn't the same and I guess I can't expect it to be. I would love for all of you to come back to me. My precious babies, I love and miss all of you more than words can say. I'm so so so sorry for the way that I treated all of you at times, all of you deserved so much more from me. I'm so sorry Santina, my angel, my precious, my sunshine.
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