March 10th, 2019|
Hi baby Sarah,
I couldn't bring myself to create this memorial till today since we have been so devastated that you are gone. You made it through so many things during the last 2 years, after your brother JB passed and you were such a strong little girl, always looking for cuddles and love. You could never get enough!
When you were diagnosed with mammary cancer 1 year ago, they said you wouldn't make it past 4 months. But you proved them all wrong. The vet said you were in the 1% that overcome the disease with no treatments, and they were in shock by your strength and will to live. We knew it was because you were the center of our world and our little princess who had been in the shadow of her brothers' illnesses for so many years. You were making up for lost time!
As a result, we spoiled you like crazy. You slept every night beside me, you ate the best foods and were showered with kisses every day. We tried to appreciate all the time we had, never knowing that it would last a full year. And for that, I will always be grateful. But for now, the pain is too harsh, too real without you here. I can't see past it. Coming home is not the same, without your little furry face waiting for us in your heated bed. Just the other day, when I went to check on you around 4 pm, through the camera, I could see you occasionally look at the front door, waiting for someone to come home. Just waiting, like a good little girl. And you'd be so happy when you'd see me come home. God, I miss that so much now. Now I have no reason to leave work early. No reason to visit Animal Pantry to find you your special foods.
We are so lonely without you my love. And it was ironic that it wasn't cancer that took you, but a tumor in your throat instead. Dear God, I hope you didn't suffer too long. I pray each night it was only that one day where you were uncomfortable swallowing. That haunts me now. But I know I took you to the vet many many times and even rushed you to the emergency room 2 nights before you passed. I tried my best to care for you and I hope you know that. I feel you did because even the morning of the day of your passing, you were o my chest making biscuits and purring, and asking for food at 5 am. Little did I know, that would be the last time I'd experience those things with you.
Please kiss your brothers, JB (https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/JB002/Resident.htm) and Lundy (https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/LUNDY001/Resident.htm) and be nice. Play nice baby girl.
Till we see you again,
March 28, 2019
Hello my sweet Sarah,
Your ashes came back last week, as well as your urn and I had to sit down and go through pictures to put on your urn to best showcase how amazing you were. Each picture was more beautiful and cute than the last and it was so tough to do. But you are now on the mantle, next to your 2 brothers. I'm still having trouble realizing that you were JUST here next to me, and now you are in that small box. It's just not real to me. Especially since the morning of your passing, you were still cuddling and waking me up through the night purring and making biscuits on me. You even begged for food at 5 am which I gave you, and you ate some. But I guess that was the turning point. The tumor must have grown so much that you started to feel bad. I'm glad I watched you so closely and knew to take you the vet that morning because the thought of you suffering or choking to death, just still frightens me so.
Last night, as I was trying to fall asleep, the bad thoughts started coming to me that "What if she was so hungry and couldn't eat the last few months?" "What if she was starving the whole time cause she wasn't able to tell me why she really couldn't properly eat?" I had to try to stop thinking those thoughts. Because I took you to the Vet! Right when you started coughing in December. Then again in January and they couldn't find an issue with your throat. I took you to the vet! I gave you bone broth and other liquids you could drink to give you nutrients. I tried my best! I'm so sorry if you think I failed you in any way. I really did all I thought I could do. I'm just sorry and I feel so guilty. But I know deep down, things worked out the way they were supposed to. But the sad thoughts just want to creep in and take over.
Last night, I laid on my side as I used to do when you'd sleep with me. My right arm out for you to sleep on, while my left arm cradled you while you purred feeling the love. I can still smell your fur. You always smelled so good, little girl. So beautiful and so sweet.
A few nights ago, I felt something walking next to me on the bed and I instinctively knew it was you. Then last night, I felt it again. I believe you were visting me, if only for a few seconds. I wish you would visit me more often. I need comfort right now.
I miss you more than I ever thought I would. Life is just not the same now.
February 14th, 2021
Hello sweet girl,
I see your face every single day as we have a cute picture of you on the refrigerator. It makes me smile every time I see you. I miss your cuddles next to me when I'd sleep, but I know you are happy now and in Heaven. I love you baby girl...I'll see you again...
March 6th, 2021
I love you baby girl even more then ever as I think of your passing on this day 2 years ago. I still miss you everyday. And miss out time together as it was such a gift. Sleep well my sweet girl. Love your momma