My very first memory of this precious angel is when I first saw her at the store alone in the crib shaking her little curly tail. I knew she was the one. Played fetch from the moment I played with her. "Shayna" in Hebrew means beautiful. And that she was. She had one big sister at first named coco. She thought she was the toughest of the pack. Against 55pd Coco. She gave us so much love. Then came her brother Rex. Shayna by now knew her place and she always got what she wanted. Then came sweet little sister Nikki her best friend and definitely separated at birth. After my breakup Shayna and Nikki (also a pug) became the reason I smiled and fought to survive. Nikki loved her sister so much. Shayna suffered from Addisons Disease as well as re-occurring bladder stones. Having said that, she lived a very full life of fun and happiness and tons of love by many. Her illness's never stopped her from chasing her balls and tearing up squeaky toys. Up to her very last moments of her 13 year old life she was a fighter. She needed to hear me say that it was ok to go. She passed with the greatest fighter of all time Muhammed Ali. Peacefully she closed her eyes. She didn't want me to hurt at all. Sends me signs anytime I ask for them. I miss my little girl so much and I know that what she wants for me is to stay strong for her sister Nikki and to be there for her because she is hurting just as much as me. God sent me these two gorgeous girls to love them unconditionally as they love me just the same. I am blessed by having them for I don't know where I would go in life if I didn't have their big brown eyes always looking to me for their health, love, and snuggles. Shayna, mommy misses you so much and I gave you my promise, I will never stop loving you as much as I did when you were in my presence. Now I hold your presence in my heart.|
2/6/17: It's been 8 months Shay. God I miss you. I miss your spunk, your independent spitfire personality. Nikki is back to being her silly self but I know she still plays with you when she rolls on your blanket and messes with your sweater lol. I hope you saw that I couldn't let 2016's Christmas picture be any different as our previous ones and I thank God for helping me create the most beautiful card with angel face and angel wings. My heart and chest gets heavy every once in awhile and I talk about you a lot. I know you are my wind. I can't see you but I can always feel you and I know your always with me and Nikki. Keep sending me those nickels munchkin and now I'm crying. So good night my love you will forever be a big piece of my heart.
6/4/17: What does one say about the hellish ride I've felt like I rode during the month of May. Continuing beginning this month and all leading up to this day June 4th. I dreaded this day today as much as I dreaded it a year ago. Waking up, never imagining that I would be saying goodbye to one of my greatest motivators in my life. It may sound silly to some but I have come to see my life as Jenn, Shayna & Nikki. The greatest gifts God blessed me with. The reason I pushed through many obstacles in life. Shayna couldn't fight any longer with me on earth but she dam well fights with me in heaven. The pain is still so very real as it was a year ago and everyday I thank god for the angels he sent to be with me, walk with me, and hold me up that day. I couldn't have done it alone nor do I ever have to do anything alone. So now a year later my lil angel in the sky has watched me grow and helped Nikki grow and shows us everyday that she is with us everywhere. Shayna, a major piece of my heart was taken from me that day and not a minute goes by that I'm not reminded of you and your silliness. Keep that watchful eye over me and nik, keep sending me those dam nickels, keep hiding those balls under the chairs. A strong bond the three of us have and if I didn't have you girls, who knows what other force I would've fought like hell for. Run and keep playing on that rainbow bridge beautiful, and send kisses to all our furbabies that are shining down on us. I love you. Always have. And forever will.
12/12/17: Shayna ... it's almost nearing the second Christmas without you. I'm sure you saw and watched the struggles I inflicted on myself yet again. But I also know you kept both me and Nikki safe the entire time. I also know and still believe you are our guiding force even though some days it doesn't feel as strong as it used to. Nikki has to go to the vet again today and everyday I look at her I see more and more of you and I just pray you give her the strength and fight you always had. I just called her "Shayna" a little earlier which hasn't happened in awhile and it's probably because your closer to us now that I brought you out of that storage and back home to us where you belong. She's going to where ur jacket today because it is super cold out. Please continue to us both the strength to fight our demons and I'm going to be selfish for a minute and ask you to please send me a nickel. I miss them and I miss your face every minute of everyday. I love you with all that I have and I put a lil mini you right by the manger me and Mom set up. Your here, maybe not on earth but will never leave my heart. Kisses from both me and Nik Nok.
6/21/18: Shayna. I need to know that I will see you when that time comes for me. It's looking dark for me right now and please forgive me for doing this to Nikki. I thought I was strong enough to stay for her but I can't. Thank you for the nickels you sent me these last couple days. I tried to remind myself you were there with me at that moment. I'm hurting so much inside that silently I'm dying slowly. I can't wait for this pain to end. I will miss nikki so f'en much and I wanted to wait till she met you on the bridge before me but it's just not going to happen like that. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would get to this point but now I did. And now it's over. The pain for me at least will end. I love you so much and please be there waiting for me.