It's a little over two months you've been gone now. It's still hard for me to accept. I feel like you were with me my whole life, which in a way is true. You were with me through bad times (being the only good thing) but for the best years of my life as well. I know I have to go forward, but I'm still not sure how to live without you. Everything seems wrong.

But I wanted to write down all the things I can remember about you.

Probably my favorite thing was how, if I was leaning back even a little, you would lay down flat on me, with your arms wrapped wide around me. Your arms were too short to go very far, but I knew what you meant. :)

You would climb into bed with me when I first turned in, and settle yourself on your side facing me. I would put my arm across you and stroke your silky fur. As long as I was making a little motion you would stay. If I stopped (I had to sleep too!) you would get up, but I'm pretty sure we fell asleep together once or twice. Otherwise, you would sleep on or against my legs, mainly in the cooler months. I miss feeling that when I wake up.

You loved your Feline Greenies...you were crazy about them! I'd crouch down and you'd grab my hand, directing it to your mouth. And then you'd cronch cronch cronch, making a funny face as you did.

Speaking of food you went crazy for...

When mom brought roast beef from the deli, you would gather round for your share. You also loved any kind of dairy product. I would let you clean the yoghurt containers so I could put them in the recycling. They were spotless by the time you were through! You would lick the butter or cream cheese off my bagels, and finish off the last vestiges of my hot cereal. You were usually interested in anything I was eating and would take your opportunity any time I left it unattended for even a few seconds. And who could blame you? Most of it was mom's cooking! That was the only time you ever gave me any "trouble." You were such a good boy.

I remember the time we were watching Planet Earth and some bears wandered out of frame, and you ran around to look behind the television to see where they had gone!

I always kept the blinds near the patio pulled up a little so you could look out any time you wanted.

You weren't into too many toys but you did love that one ball you pulled off another toy. You'd get into your ready position in the hall against the wall and I'd throw it over your head. You would scramble up the wall after it. Of course, I'd have to retrieve it to it again.

We would play peekaboo around corners. I'd poke my head round and slowly draw it back a few times, then stop. After a few moments you'd come running around the corner to find me and we'd have a big laugh.

When you were younger you would often "attack" my legs when I was walking away. If I was just in my PJs you would pull my boxers down. I think you thought it was hilarious!

I'm so sad, Shiro. I cry every day. I'm crying as I write this. But I don't want this to be sad. I want to preserve all the happy memories.

I couldn't stand being alone here any more so a few days ago I adopted a new little boy. He looks a lot like you, except for being grey, and smaller. He's probably about the size you were when I first brought you home. They told me he was 2 or 3 years old, but I guess there's no way of knowing for sure.

I miss you so much.

Love,
Scott