5/26/19
Hi Watson. I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to write you yesterday; I took a lot of melatonin so I would sleep the entire day to give myself enough strength to face today.
It's your 6 month passiversary today. I can't believe it's 6 months. it strange because it feels longer and shorter at the same time, both in a not so good way, did you see the new plush and shirt I got you? I saw the cactus plush and knew you'd love to snuggle in the crevasses, and the shirt is a summer shirt-- thin enough so you don't get too hot.
I miss you so much Watson. I miss holding you, waking up next to you, being with you. I can't even walk outside because it reminds me of our walks together; my heart hurts so much.
Everyone keeps saying it will get easier but it hasn't.. I'm in therapy, I'm on anti depressants.. but I know the only thing that can fix me is you.. and you had to go.. my life is so empty and meaningless without you..
if this is how the rest of my life will be, what's the point? You were the only thing that mattered to me, and I mattered to you.. we had each other and that was all we needed.. but now im left all alone without you. I'm sorry I'm being so sad all the time.. I just really miss you.. and I'm still so sorry I couldn't save you. I wish you heart could have made it for surgery.. It would have been our first time leaving the county together.. I think about all the things we didn't get to do.. and I know we did a lot together too, but.. i just wish we had forever together.. but I know that wouldn't have been long enough either...
I hope you and Sherlock are having fun at the rainbow bridge though.. I hope you have made lots of friends and I hope you haven't forgotten me.. I will be with you one day, hopefully sooner than later. I love you so much my little one. You are still my best good boy, my best friend, my soulmate, my Watson. I love you forever and ever and I will always keep loving you. I miss you so much and I hope to see you soon my doidoidoi. I hope you like your plush and shirt for your 6 month passiversary. I miss you so much.

5/24/19
Hi Watson. I wish you were here with me. Everyday without you is so unbearably difficult and these past few days have been even more so. * keeps trying to start an argument with me and he keeps drinking too much. I'm saving to try to leave and get a space alone away from him but I haven't found anything. I think it might be better you aren't here when he's like this because you'd be so scared.. but now I'm alone when he's like this; except I'm not scared.. I have nothing left to lose since I've lost all that mattered-- you. I miss you so much my little one. I really can't take much more of this life without you. I hate this life so much. I just want to be with you. I love you so so much.. I'm sorry I couldn't save you. I'm forever sorry that I couldn't get your heart fixed in time. I'm sorry I failed you.. but please know I love you so much and I'd give my soul to save you. I'd do anything for you and I'm sorry. I love you with all my heart and I hope we get to see each other soon.. I need you. I love you Watson.

5/24/19 1:11am
Hi Watson. I'm sorry for writing to you so late. I just got home from work. Since your 6 month passiversary is Sunday I've been more on edge and trying to use work to distract myself even more. I'll make sure to get you another cute outfit or toy this Sunday. Your collection of clothes is still growing.. I hope you like everything so far. Only the best for you my little one.
I think I might also be running out of words soon on your page and will have to think of another place to write to you. I also had a weird dream someone at work ruined your clay paw print; I don't know what it means tho.
I miss you my doidoidoi. I miss you so much. I look forward to the day we are reunited and happy again. That's all I have to look forward to.. I love you with all my heart and I love you always and forever my Watson.

5/22/19
Hi Watson. I hope the rainbow bridge was extra sunny today; it was cold and hailing today. I miss you my little one.. there are not enough words to describe how much I miss you.. and how broken my heart is.
I want to be with you and I can't take this meaningless existence without you. You were my purpose, my best friend, my Watson; and now my world is empty and pointless. Nothing makes me happy anymore and everything makes me miserable. I can't take much more of this m doidoidoi. I'm trying so hard to get better but I don't think anything is working. And your 6 month passiversary is this Sunday and I don't know how I will handle it. Ican't believe you've been gone for 6 months already.. these past 6 months have been nothing but tears... and the rest of my life will be like that because you're not here. I hate my life without you. I hate my life. I want to give up and end all this pain.. there's no point to this existence. I have nothing and always will have nothing until we are together again..
I miss you so much my Watson. I miss you so so much. I love you with all my heart and I hope we get to be together soon. The day we are reunited will be the best day ever. Just like the day we met but better. I love you Watson. I will always love you.

5/21/19
Hi Watson. I went to my therapist today. I haven't learned how to handle my emotions or anything yet. We just kind of talk about random stuff and I'm not sure if it's helping. I think he's trying not to trigger my ptsd by asking too much about you. Any time I try to answer his questions about you I can't help but cry. I miss you so much..
I don't feel very good and keep getting really dizzy lately. I think it's the medication. I promise I'll write more to you soon. I'm going to try to lay down and hopefully the pain in my stomach and the dizziness will go away.
I love you my little one. You're my one and only best good boy. I love you forever and I will always love you.

5/20/19
Hi again Watson. I miss you so much my little one. I had to go pick up more medication today and have a therapist appointment tomorrow. I'm so lost without you.. I can feel my energy and strength fading. I will keep trying for you my doidoidoi. I love you so much. I always love you.

5/20/19 12:15am
Hi Watson. Sorry again for writing so late; I just got home from work even though it's a Sunday.I hope it's warm at the rainbow bridge and I hope you and Sherlock are running around having fun. It's been raining lately and it's supposed to rain a few more times this week.
I miss you so much Watson. I don't do anything any more--I can't do anything anymore.. Everything reminds me of you and all I do is stay at work.. that's the only place I can cry freely, well sometimes anyway.. I don't know how I'm expected to 'get better' if the only thing that made me happy was taken away..
I don't know what to do without you.. all I do is cry and hate myself and wish that night you had to leave was different.. I wish your heart could have made it with me this far.. You were supposed to go to London or Japan this month for heart surgery.. I don't know why you were taken away.. I was trying so hard to keep you here and it wasn't enough.. I'm sorry. I would do anything to be with you again. I miss you so much.. I miss you so so much it hurts every day i'm without you..
I'm sorry I'm crying all the time.. I just wish we were together.. I love you so much my little one. You're my best best best good boy and I will love you forever and ever and...
You know Wats-on my mind? You are. You always, always are. Every single day.
I love you Watson. I love you so much. You're my world, my everything, my Watson.

5/18/19
Hi Watson. It's getting cloudy here again and I remember how we would lay around and listen to the rain. I remember how cute you looked in your raincoat when we went for walks.
I miss you so much my little one. I just want to hold you again. Take walks with you again. watch you fall asleep in my arms again. I want to hear your little paws tap on the floor again.. hear your bao-bao bark again.. I want to come home to you again.. I just want to be with you again..
I'm so beyond heartbroken without you.
Everyday I'm reminded that I'm all alone because you're not here.. how am I supposed to live like this? I'm not even living now. I'm just going through the motions and every night I hope I wont wake up the next day.. and every day I wake up alone without you. I miss you so much..
No one understands how much it hurts ... they don't know how much you meant and still mean to me. You're my everything Watson. You're my best friend, my soulmate, my best good boy.. and I'm sorry I failed you.
I just want to be with you again.. why do I even bother continuing this existence? The world is selfish and cruel and I don't belong here-- I belong with you.
You were the only one that needed me and I needed you. You made my world meaningful and extraordinary but now I'm left all alone with despair.
I'm sorry I'm so sad all the time. I'm sorry I cry so much too.. I'm trying hard to get better for you but nothing is working. The medication doesn't seem to be helping and I have to stop working so much so I won't be able to use it as a distraction anymore.. I don't know if I can handle my thoughts if I'm left all alone with them.
I hate this life so much without you. I have nothing.. I am nothing without you.
Why did this happen?? Why did you get taken away from me? Everything that ever matters to me always gets taken away. I don't understand why.. but it doesn't matter because you were the only thing that did.. you still do.

I love you my best good boy. I love you so much. I hope we get to see each other soon. I can't take much more of this existence without you. Don't ever forget that I love you so so much and I will always love you forever and ever. I love you so much my Watson.

5/17/19
Hi Watson. I miss you so much these days.. actually I miss you so much every day. I don't know if the medication is working as I am crying just as much as before. I still feel hopeless and I'm still all alone. I am nothing without you..
Your 6 month passiversary is coming up next Sunday.. I can't believe it's been 6 months.. I don't know if it feels longer or shorter since my days all feel as if they are blending into one. I'm so miserable without you my little one. I want to give up so badly but I keep trying for you. But I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. This existence is meaningless. I don't have you by my side and that was all that mattered. Everything I did, I did for you and now I have nothing to look forward to except being reunited with you. I hope that day comes sooner than later because there's nothing for me here and I want to be with you.
I love you so much my Watsersers. You're my best good boy and I love you forever and ever. I love you always.

5/16/19
Hi Watson. I hope the rainbow bridge is nice and sunny. It rained today. I saw all the heart clouds you sent when the sky cleared up-- thank you my little one. I received the penny you sent me too! It was right next to me in such a weird place so I knew it was from you.
I love you so much! You are the best good boy ever my little one. I miss you so much too.. I wish you were here.. but.. I guess I should stop wishing because they never come true or you'd be here with me...
I'm so lost without you my doidoidoi. My heart hurts everyday with you gone. I feel so empty without you.. I am so beyond broken.. I hope we get to be together soon my best good boy. I love you so so much and I love you forever and ever. I will always love you my Watson.

5/15/19
Hi Watson. I just got off work again. I'm staying late to distract myself.. I miss you so much my little one. D* admitted he didn't know how severe me losing you was.. I appreciate his words but it doesn't bring you back.. I don't know what I'm doing with this life anymore. Everything is so pointless.. so hopeless. I have lost my one and only soul mate and I'm broken.
I told my therapist that I have really dark thoughts; I didn't tell what nor did he ask-- which was a relief.
I don't know anymore. I just want to be with you my doidoidoi. I feel you so much lately. Thank you for being the best good boy and.. and for letting me be your mom and you my Watson..
I hope we get to see each other soon my little one.. I miss you so much. I love you my Watsersers. I love you always and love you forever and ever. I miss you my Watson.

5/15/19 12:23am
Hi Watson. I am sorry I am writing so late, I worked a long day again because I went to the therapist mid day. I really like my therapist and he's been helpful to get me to open up. I still can't talk about what happened to you tho.. it hurts me too much. But I'm hoping he can help me get better. I told him I find life pointless/meaningless and he didn't commit me which is nice.
I saw the sparrows and the caterpillar you sent today! And summer! I was so happy when I saw all the signs.
You're my best good boy my little one! I love you so so so much.
I hope we get to be together soon my doidoidoi. You're my heart, my soulmate, my Watson. How do I continue this meaningless existence without you? I just want to be with you so badly. I miss you Watson. I miss you and love you so much.

5/13/19
Hi Watson. I hope you and Sherlock are having fun at the rainbow bridge. It's going to get chilly and rainy here so I'm sure you will enjoy the sunny days at the rainbow bridge.
I miss you soooo much.. I saw the little tea cup you sent. It was so tiny and didn't belong outside so I knew it was you. You're the best good boy! My best good boy. I love you so much.
I go to the therapist tomorrow and I'll update you on how it goes. I feel like I'm not getting better even though I'm up to 10mg on my medication and weekly therapy sessions.
I just want to be with you. I miss you so so much. I don't know the point of existing in the life without you. I'll keep trying my little one. For you I will try. I love you my doidoidoi. I love you so much.
You know Wats-on my mind??
You are. You always, always are. Forever and ever. I love you my Watson.

5/13/19 12am
Hi Watson. I'm sorry I'm writing so late. I went to work today even though it's Sunday. I can't stay home because everything makes me sad and reminds me of you. I miss you so much.. I feel like I'm uncontrollably crying again.
I miss you so much. I love you so much!
I hate that we are apart.. but I feel you around more when I'm sad.. thank you. You keep taking care of me when I should be taking care of you.. I'm sorry I couldn't save you my little one.. I want to give up so badly but I know you don't want me to.. I just hate this life without you. I don't have any purpose or meaning.. i just want you. You're all I need.. you're all I ever needed.
I hope we get to see each other soon. I miss you so much my Watson. I love you with all my heart forever and ever. I miss you and always think about you. My one and only Watsersers. I love you my Watson.

5/11/19 10:13p
Hi again Watson. I just wanted to say thank you for aways taking care of me --I was so happy when I saw the ladybug and cut out cloud that looked like you ! And then when I was crying you sent that hawk to swoop down right in front of me! I realized after that I had stopped crying and felt so much love from you. Thank you so much my doidoidoi. You're my everything! You always and forever will be! Thank you for making me feel better my little one. I love you so so so much and I can't wait until we are together again. I love you my Watson.

5/11/19
Hi Watson. I hope the rainbow bridge is sunny today, the sun is finally shining here. I hate the sun, but I know you love it. Whenever it's sunny out, I think of the times we hung out and laid together on a towel outside.
I love you my little one. I miss you so much. I thought my crying was getting better but it's not. I'm getting different thoughts and flashbacks now too-- all from that night, but also memories of days before. Happy memories even make me cry in sadness. I miss you so much. So much..
I am up to 10mg on my medicine. I hope it starts to work soon. I don't know how much longer I can exisit without you. I'm absolutely miserable and my life is meaningless. Every night I go to sleep I hope I don't wake up; but then I do.. and I keep reliving this nightmare. I want to be with you again. You were the only one that cared about me, that didn't judge me, that wanted to be with me, that needed me... and I felt the same for you.. and now we are apart.. how do I live like this.. I can't.
I love you so much my Watson. I love you more than you will ever know.. I will always love you my little one. I love you forever and ever my best good boy.

5/10/19
Hi Watson. I miss you so terribly. I still keep getting flashbacks and that awful night keeps replaying in my head. I'm sorry I couldn't save you. I'm sorry you had to suffer.. I'm sorry.. I'm so sorry.. I hate myself for not being able to keep you here.. I'm sorry...
Please know I love you so much.. and I'm sorry.. I'd do anything to have you back. I'd do anything to make you happy.. I'd do anything for you.
I'm nothing without you. I have nothing. I am nothing. Nothing matters anymore and I'm completely alone. I don't want to continue this life anymore. Please let me know when I can stop trying.. I am so broken without you.
My heart hurts so much... it hurts every day.. I wish we were together, that's all i ever think about.. I miss you so much. I love you my best good boy.. I will always love you. I love you forever my little one.. I hope we can be with each other again soon. I love you my Watson.

5/9/19 12:09a
Hi Watson. I'm sorry I'm writing to you so late; I just got home from work. I hope you have made a lot of friends at the rainbow bridge. I miss you my doidoidoi.
Thank you for your messages today; I'm so lucky you always look after me. You're the best good boy! I love you so so much! I know you're always here with me. Always.
I went to the psychiatrist today. He was really helpful and kind. I have more medicine and need to work up to 10mg. I don't know if it's helping a ton, but I'm hoping it is/will.
I miss you so much my Watson. You were and still are my best friend and soul mate. I hope we get to be together soon. That's all I look forward to.. I just want to be with you.
I love you my little one. I love you forever and ever.

5/7/19
Hi Watson. I hope the rainbow bridge is sunny and warm. It's going to rain this week, at least that's what the forecast says.
I went to see my therapist today and I think he and I connecting better. I'm still just as miserable as before but I think it might be helping to talk to him. I don't really have anyone I open up to since you left. I've isolated myself quite a bit-- I can't help it though. I don't want to talk to anyone or be around anyone. There's only a couple people at work I talk to and the conversations don't go beyond surface level stuff. I have weekly appointments with my therapist so I'm hoping it will help.
I see the psychiatrist tomorrow and I'll let you know how that goes. I've been taking the meds here and there as I keep forgetting. I forget everything lately-- not you of course. You're the only thing on my mind all the time.
I miss you my little one. I still don't understand why you had to go. I am so lonely and empty without you. I've lost a part of myself and I'll never be the same.
I love you my doidoidoi. I love you so so so much. You're always my best good boy and I will always love you forever. I love you my Watson.

5/6/19
Hi Watson. I hope you and Sherlock are enjoying the rainbow bridge. I hope it's warm and cozy for you both; it's getting chilly here again.
I miss you so much my Watsersers. I've been getting good at pretending I'm ok.. only sometimes though.. it's hard as well as exhausting to hide my misery.
I go to the therapist tomorrow and the psychiatrist the day after that. I hope they can help me. I don't know if therapy is helping and I'm not sure if the medication is either. I don't know anything anymore..
I do know that I miss you and that I love you so much tho. I love you my Watson. Thank you for all the signs you send me. I notice them all! You are and always will be my world and my everything. I love you my little one. I love you forever.

5/5/19
Hi Watson. I miss you so much. There are no words to describe how miserable I am without you. My heart hurts so much and I wish you were here. I miss you so much my little one. I would do anything to be with you again. I love you my Watson. I love you so so much. I hate this life without you. I hate everything. I have nothing to look forward to.. I have nothing that makes me happy. I have nothing.. All I ever needed was you and you're gone.
What's the point of this life now?
I just wish we were together again. I need you.
I'm sorry I'm still so broken and haven't gotten better. I'm trying really hard but I don't think I can be fixed. You were my best friend and soul mate-- you still are. And I'll never be complete until we are together again.
I love you Watson. I love you forever and I miss you so much. I'm always thinking of you my little one.

5/4/19
Hi Watson. I hope the rainbow bridge is nice today and you and Sherlock are relaxing and having fun.
I've been thinking a lot more lately, probably too much, and I've realized that al throughout my life, everything that mattered to me has been taken away. (You mattered the most of course-- you always mattered and will matter the most.)
But it's true, everything has been taken away from me. I was so miserable until you came into my life and you were taken away from me too.
I hate this life and I hate that you aren't here. This world is so unbelievably cruel.
I wish I was selfish and I wish I could take advantage of people like everyone else, I can't. I've never been like that and in the end I'm the one always hurting. I'm the one that doesn't have you. I'm the one that has to continue this pointless life. I think I'm reaching my breaking point Watson. I'm trying so hard to just exist but I really don't know how to.
You were and still are the best thing that happened to me. I love you so much, so so so much! I will keep trying for you my little one, and I'm sorry if I'm not strong enough to keep going in the end. I love you with all my heart and love you forever and ever. I hope to be with you again and hope we are reunited soon. I miss you everyday and I'm always thinking about you. I love you my little one.

You know Wats-on my mind?
You are. You always, always are. Always.

5/4/19 12:24a
Hi Watson. I just got home from work. I'm sorry I'm writing to you so late. I miss you so much my doidoidoi. I don't know what to do.. I am completely alone without you. I just want this meaningless existence to be over. I just want to be with you. I hate this life without you. You were the only one that cared about me and you were so happy to be with me.. you made me so happy too and you are still the only thing I care about. This life has only been miserable and hopeless ever since you left. I am so tired of trying to continue when there isn't a point.. I have no purpose.. You were my purpose..
I'm sorry I'm so sad all the time Watson. But I hope you know I love you so much and I will always love you. You made my life the best it ever was and I am so thankful you were mine and I was yours. I hope we get reunited soon. I can't take much more of this existence. I love you so much my little one. I miss you every day and I hope to see you soon! Love you my best good boy. My Watson.

5/2/19 10:50p
Hi Watson. I hope the rainbow bridge is relaxing and I hope you made friends there. Actually, I know you did because you are the biggest charmer and sweet heart. My best good boy! I love you!
I know the medication will take some time to work but all it does is get me extremely light headed. It hasn't done anything for my hopeless mind. I have another appointment with my psychiatrist and therapist next week and I'll let you know how both go. I'm starting to feel uncertain about my therapist.. I know you'd give me a sign if I should find another one or stay, so I will look out for them.
I saw you sent a dragonfly, humming bird, and butterfly today! Right when I was thinking about you! You are so wonderful my Watson! I love you so much!! I hope we get to be together soon. Every day I wake up is another day away from you and I still can't see any point to me being here alone. I just want to be with you again. I know you want me to keep trying so I will always do my best for you-- but I just wish I could discontinue this pointless existence. Nothing else exists when we are together.. but now that you're gone.. everything is absolutely meaningless.
I miss you my doidoidoi. I miss you so much. I will write to you again tomorrow my little one. I love you forever my Watson. I will always love you.

5/2/19 1:59a
Hi Watson. Sorry for writing to you so late; I just got home from work as I've been trying to keep busy. Thank you so much for even more heart clouds! I love them! And I love you so much! I wish we could be together again. That's all I look forward to. There's nothing in my life that matters.. only you did. You still do.
This life is pointless and everyday I encounter someone it reaffirms my beliefs. The world is so cruel and the people so incredibly selfish. It's not meant for a person like me-- especially if you're not here.
People continue to treat me poorly and no one cares about anything but themselves. They do anything for themselves but nothing for others-- I did everything for you and it was the happiest I'd ever been. I help people whenever I can and all they do is exploit my kindness in return. Why couldn't you and I just be together forever? Why do I have to have selfish and mean people around me instead of you?
No one knows how much you mean to me.. how you were my best friend, my soulemate, my Watson. No one cares that my heart is broken beyond repair and everyday my hopelessness grows..
I hope you know that I love you so much my little one. You are my world, my everything. I hope the day we get to be together again comes quickly. I miss you so much my doidoidoi. I love you so so much. I love you forver my best good boy. I will always love you my Watson.

4/30/19
Hi Watson. Thank you for all the heart clouds today. I really needed them. I miss you so much my doidoidoi. I feel so empty these days. I feel more and more empty every day that passes. I don't know what or how to feel anything anymore. My body hurts, my mind hurts, my heart hurts. I hurt so much without you.
I'm thinking of quitting work and just driving somewhere. I'm not sure where but west or north as my ptsd gets triggered. I feel like if I did that I could finally fade away. Nothing matters anyway. Only you. I dunno, I think I could do that and then this misery would end.
I love you so much my Watson. I hope we get to be together soon. I love you so so much.

4/29/19
Hi Watson. I'm sorry I didn't write to you after work yesterday-- I was too tired as I forgot to eat again. I just don't see a point to taking care of myself when I don't have anything in my life that I care about. You were the only thing that mattered and the only thing I lived for. I have been getting really light headed lately and my blackouts are increasing in frequency and intensity; but to me, that just reaffirms that I'm on the right path.
I miss you so much my little one. I keep trying to stay busy but nothing makes me happy. I hate work as I'm under appreciated and I hate going home because it's not my home, it's *.. All I do is cry on the sofa and go to work. My life is so pointless without you.
You were the best thing in my life-- you still are, even though you aren't here with me...
I wish that weekend at the ER ended differently.. I wish you were here.. I wish.. for so many things where we are together again.. and I'm so sick of wishing because they never come true. I'm still heartbroken and alone without you..
I hate my life without you. I hate that you were taken away from me.. I hate that I couldn't save you. I hate myself and I really wish I wasn't such a coward..
But I know you want me to keep trying... and so I will. But every day without you more painful than the last... I am doing my best to keep going but it's so hard to live in this empty and hopeless world.. It's so hard to live without you by my side. I hate it.
But I will try my best to live this miserable existence.. I can't wait for the day we are reunited and happy again. I hope that day comes sooner rather than later.

You know Wats-on my mind?? You are. You always, always are. My best good boy and my Watson that I love forever and ever.
I love you Watson. I love you so so so much my little one. I will always love you my Watson.

4/28/19
Hi Watson. I am at work again today and wanted to tell you I miss you so much. I think I had a dream about you but I can't remember the details. I just know we were together somewhere-- I remember being able to hold you and feel you again.. I love you Watson. I love you so much. I'll write more again after work. Always know that you are my everything and I will always love you forever. I miss you my doidoidoi. I miss you so much.

4/27/19
Hi Watson. I hope the rainbow bridge is warm today. It's gloomy here and it's seems the world is feeling the same as me. I went to work today even though it's Saturday. I am trying to keep my mind occupied but I know when I'm home not doing anything I'll get flashbacks and relive losing you all over again. I don't know what else to do other than go to work and try to build things or paint or whatever else. I am so lost without you..
The medication is supposed to be effective in 6-8 weeks but I sometimes forget to take it so I feel it will most likely take me even longer.
I miss you so much my little one. I don't see the point of this life at all. I have nothing. I am nothing. I don't know who I am anymore. I feel so hopeless.
I love you so much Watsersers. You were the only thing that mattered-- you still are. You are my little one. My doidoidoi. My best good boy. I love you my Watson.

4/26/19
Hi again Watson. Did you see your new shirt I got you? I hope you like it. It's perfect for summer and I know you'd look adorable in it. I hope the rainbow bridge is nice and warm.. it's been cooling down here lately. I hope you're able to run around in the grass and lay in the sun-- I know that's your favorite thing to do.
I miss you so much Watson. I wish we could lay around together and go for walks.. and I wish I could hold you again and pet you to sleep.. I miss you so so so much.. these past 5 months were my worst nightmare.. and I don't know if I can handle much more.. I need you my little one.. I am nothing without you.. I'm hopeless without you.
I love you Watson. I hope you know how much you mean to me-- you are my everything. I hope we will be reunited soon. I love you so so so much. I will love you forever my little one. You are my Watson forever. I love you.

Hi Watson. It's officially 5 months without you... and nothing is easier... I still miss you so much and I cry everyday for you... I wish you were here and I wish we could be together. I miss all the things we used to do and my heart hurts because we can never do them again.. you are still my everything and my one and only best good boy. At least I know you're healthy at the rainbow bridge and Sherlock is with you too. Please know I love you so much. And I will always love you.. and I will be with you again soon. I miss you so much my little one. I don't know how to live without you.

4/25/19
Hi Watson. Tomorrow is 5 months since you had to leave. I started to take the medication today. I'm feeling more horrible than usual with your rainbow bridge monthiversary looming.
I don't understand why you had to be taken away from me..
I cherish all the time we hadn't but you didn't get to live a full life.. it's not fair. It destroys me every time I think about it.
I hate myself for not being able to save you too.. I hate my life without you. I hate everything. I'm sorry I failed you my little one..
please know I love you so much.. and I'd do anything for you.. and I'm so sorry I couldn't save you.
I love you with all my heart and I miss you so much each and every day. My life is meaningless without you and I can't wait until we are reunited again. I love you Watson. You are always my Watson and I love you forever.

4/24/19
Hi Watson. I miss you so much. I would do anything to have you here with me... I am so broken without you.. I don't know what to do...
I love you my little one. I love you forever and ever. You'll always be my Watson.

4/23/19
Hi Watson. I went to the therapist today. He keeps trying to make me do emdr for my ptsd. As much as it hurts, I refuse to give up at memories of you. I don't know what to do..
I feel like ive detached myself from my emotions lately-- I can't do it when I'm alone though. When I'm alone i wish I could give up up on this life. I hate this life so much. It's pointless without you. I miss you so so so much.
I am so lost and lonely without you. I wish you were here with me... I hate this worthless existence of mine.
I'm sorry I'm complaining so much.. I promise I'll keep trying to get better. You sent so many heart clouds I know you want me to get better. It's just so hard to want to live.
I love you so much my little one. I love you forever and ever and I can't wait until we are together again. Love you my doidoidoi.

4/22/19
Hi Watson. My heart hurts so much. I miss you and I miss everything we did together. I miss holding you and taking you for walks. I miss doing tricks with you and watching you deep on me.. I miss everything about you and I miss how you made everything ok. I'm not ok without you. I am so heartbroken... I hate this life so much. I wish you were here.
I am nothing without you.. I have nothing.. I'm all alone and I just wish you were here with me. You were my everything. You were my purpose. You were my Watson. You still are my Watson.. i miss you so much my little one. I'm trying so hard for you. But my heart is so broken I don't know what to do..
I have my therapy session tomorrow and I hope I can learn how to get better. So far it hasn't been helping. I haven't started the medication yet but I may have to. I just hope it doesn't make me lose any more of you.
I love you so much my Watsersers. My best good boy. I love you so so so much. I love you foreve and I will always love you.

4/21/19
Hi Watson. I miss you so much. Your 5 month passiversary is coming up this Friday. I don't know whether to get you another sweater or maybe another hat. I hope you like the collection you have. Anything I see that reminds me of you, I can't help but buy it for you, even though you aren't here.

These past few days are harder than usual. It feels like I'm not connected to my body or self. I haven't started the medication yet so I know it's not that. It feels like I'm not connected to me, if that makes sense. I'm hopelessly lost without you my doidoidoi. I don't know who I am or what my purpose is anymore. I feel absolutely hopeless.
I know I should start the medication but I don't want to lose any part of you.. I'm so afraid that the medicine will numb the pain and make me forget you and I don't want that. I'd rather live in costant misery if it means I won't lose any more of you.
I wish you were here. I wish this life could be happy again and we could be together.. I can't wait until we are reunited again. I love you so much my little one. I love you so so so much. Please don't ever forget that. I will always love you forever and ever. I love you my Watson.

4/20/19
Hi Watson. It's gloomy and cold here so I hope the rainbow bridge is warm for you. I miss you so much. I don't understand the point of this life. I dont have you and All i have is nothing. I don't have anything anymore.. I wish you didn't have to leave.. I wish we could be together again..
If wishes were Watson, I'd have so many of you.. but none of my wishes came true.. and I don't have you anymore.. and I am all alone.. I am trying so hard for you Watson. I'm trying not to give up, but it's so difficult.. I just don't understand the point of anything if you're not here. I don't know if the therapist is helping and I don't know how I feel about taking medications for the psychiatrist. I feel like both of them don't truly understand how much you mean to me.. just like the ER vet and your cardiologist.. they weren't able to help you.. it's like everyone is pretending to help but they really aren't. They don't care.. and they don't understand how much I needed you and how much I love you. I miss you so so much.
I'm secretly hoping that whatever happens with my treatment that everything will end with me being with you. I hate this life without you. I hate this world without you.
I love you so much Watson. I wish we didn't have to be apart.. but I hope you're happy and healthy at the rainbow bridge and I hope you and Sherlock are running around and playing together.. I hope we get to be together soon.. I love you forever my little one. You're my best good boy. My Watsersers. You know Wats-on my mind? You are. You always, always are. I love you my Watson. I love you so much.

4/19/19
Hi Watson. I haven't been feeling well lately and I'm sorry you have to see me cry so much. I still don't know what I should do about the medication. I have my next therapy session on Tuesday so hopefully the therapist can help. I wish this nightmare would end and we could be reunited. I feel so hopeless and empty inside. I have nothing and no one.. all I had and needed was you.. what's the point of this life if it's not worth living? I'm sorry I'm complaining so much.. but I promise I'll keep trying to get better. Only for you.
I love you my little one. I love you so so so much! I miss you and think about you everyday and I hope we can be together soon.. I love you my Watsersers.

4/18/19
Hi Watson. I hope you are running around with Sherlock and having fun with him and your new friends. Your 5 month passiversary is coming soon.. I wish we were celebrating your 4 year and month adoptiversary instead.. but I know you aren't hurting anymore and that makes it ok.
I love you so much my Watsersers. I'm afraid to take the medicine because I'm afraid it will stifle my memories of you. I can't lose any bit of you.. I dont know what to do. I hurt so much but I can't lose my memories of you too.. I know nothing can take away how much I love you, but I'm still scared. I wish you were here with me. You made everything ok... just like our song says, "I'm hoping that you see... that you made me what you made me.. .....
stay with me till the end..."
Oh Watson...I miss you so much.. I'm so lost without you. I know you will help me figure out what to do.. I love you my little one. I love you so much. I love you forever.

4/17/19
Hi Watson. I hope the rainbow bridge is nice and warm for you and Sherlock. Thank you for sending me so many butterflies today; it helped me so much. I love you my best good boy.
I went to the psychiatrist today and I don't know how to feel about it. I was prescribed anti depressants and they said I have major depression that's extremely severe, kind of like what the therapist said. I think they almost had me go to a hospital to make sure I was safe and wouldn't harm myself.. but you and I know how I feel about that.
I miss you so much Watson. It's only gotten harder each day.. I just with you were here with me or I was with you. I don't know if the medication can fix that. I will do my best to try and get better for you.. I would do anything, only for you. I love you so much. Please don't forget me and please know I will always love you forever. I love you more than anything my little one. You are my one and only best good boy. I love you so much my doidoidoi. I love you always.

4/17/19 12:04am
Hi Watson. I realized I had my days mixed up and I have an appointment today with my psychiatrist and not yesterday. I've been trying to keep bus and staying at work late so I'm sorry I write to you so late sometimes. The flashbacks from the day you had to leave are getting worse... I know you're trying to help and sending me signs (the bee yesterday and heart clouds today!) and I wanted to say thank you. It helps me a lot knowing you are still watching over me. I love you so much.

I hope you are taking care of Sherlock too! I miss both of you guys so much.. I hope you & Sherlock have made lots of friends at the rainbow bridge. I can imagine how happy you both must be. That's all that matters to me-- Every time I had a chance to make a wish or something I always asked for you and Sherlock to be happy and healthy.. I guess it didn't come true.. or it did? ...
I don't know why people keep telling me that time will lessen the pain-- it hasn't. It's getting significantly worse and every day without you is a reminder that I have nothing, I am nothing, and I have nothing to live for... I hate this life so much without you.

But I will keep trying for you my little one. Your signs keep telling me you want me to try.. and I will do anything for you my Watsersers. I will update you with what happens tomorrow and I know you will take care of me and make sure I'm OK if anything goes wrong. That's why you're my one and only best good boy. I'm so lucky I got to be your mom and have you in my life. I wouldn't trade you for anything in the world...

I love you so much my Watson. I will always love you and I will love you forever.
Miss you so so so so much my Watson.....

4/15/19
Hi Watson. I hope the rainbow bridge is nice and sunny. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist tomorrow and I'm hoping he can help me from hurting so much. I had a lot of crying episodes today, more than usual. I just wish we were together.. I love you so much my doidoidoi. I don't know the purpose of my life without you. I miss you so much... I'll make sure to update you on the psychiatrist.. if you don't like him just give me a sign and I can keep looking. I know you always take care of me and I appreciate it so much my Watsersers. I love you forever my little one. I love you always.

4/14/19
Hi Watson. Thank you for so many signs today! I was sad at first looking for your heart clouds but then I saw the prettiest white butterfly. Then I saw the beautiful and gigantic orange and spotted butterfly you sent. And then if that wasn't enough the grasshopper you had land on me! I was scared at first but I felt like I knew it was from you. I'll take this leap of faith into therapy and take this leap of faith in this life... just for you and only for you.
I love you so much Watson. Thank you for always being here for me. You are my world and aways will be. I will always love you forever and ever.

4/14/19 2:31am
Hi Watson. I am having trouble sleeping tonight even though I couldn't sleep at all last night. I tried to tire myself out today but I guess my anxiety is really bad tonight.
The therapist wants me to do EMDR therapy but I am afraid I'll lose memories of you. I'd rather have all this pain than lose any more of you.. it makes me cry so much thinking about it. I did a lot of research tonight/last few weeks and it should be ok.. I'm just so scared to have to live through that weekend again. I'm afraid if I can't process the trauma this time I'll end up hurting myself and I'm afraid that if I commit suicide I won't get to be with you.
I know you'll guide me in this so I shouldn't be scared but losing you that night was the most gut wrenching and painful moment in my life. I dunno if I can handle it again.. I'll try to be strong for you though-- because you were so strong that night. You were my fighter and if you fought so hard for me to be with you, I can fight just as hard for you. I would do anything for you. I will do anything for you.
You are still my life, my purpose, my everything. I love you you more and more each day and I will always love you... and I miss you forever until we are together again.

4/13/19
Hi Watson. I tried to keep busy today but every time I have a moment to think, even for just a second, my heart hurts and I break down into tears for you. I looked at your star tonight and it was shining so bright and I'm happy to see you shining so bright, but I'm so sad you're so far away. I miss you so much my little one. I'm all alone without you.
Thank you for the gigantic butterfly today. I was almost startled seeing it but I knew it was you. And the songs you played today were really beautiful. I am happy you're in a castle in the clouds. I really needed these signs from you today, so thank you. Thank you so much my doidoidoi. You take care of me even when you're away..
I am sorry I couldn't save you on your last day. I'm sorry that I didn't end your pain right away too. I thought the ambulance was coming.. but I don't think the ER vet called. There are so many things that day I wish I could have changed. And I can't. And you're gone. And I'm sorry. I'm so sorry my Watson.
Please know I love you so much. Everything I did, I did for you. And I'm sorry I failed you. But please know I love you with all my heart. I love you so much and I will love you forever my little one. I love you so so so much. You're stil my best friend and my soul mate. I love you my Watson.

4/13/19 12:02a
Hi Watson. I hope the rainbow bridge is nice and sunny for you and Sherlock. I tried to do yard work today but it makes me cry as I maintained the yard for you. I got a little bit done and saw the sunset. It reminded me when I took you to the beach and we sat and watched the sunset together after one of your cardiologist appointments. You hated the sand. I hate the sand too. I'm glad we are so alike.
There's so many things that remind me of you and confirm to me that you were my furry soulmate and that you and I were meant to be together.
And now that you're gone.. I don't know what to do. I've lost my other half and I lost you in such an unfair way. I miss you so much Watson. I miss you every single day. I don't know what happiness is anymore since I lost my only happiness the day you left.. I'm completely broken without you.
Please know that I'm sorry I couldn't save you. I would do anything to have you back. I would give my soul to save yours. I am so sorry I failed you my little one. I am so so sorry. But please know that I love you so so so much and I would do anything for you.
Please don't forget me while you're at the rainbow bridge. I know my depression makes it harder for me to feel your presence and harder for your to reach me but I'm always looking for signs my little one. I need you so badly right now.

You will always be my best friend.
You will always be my soulmate.
You will always be my best good boy.
You will always be my Watson.
And I will always be your fur mommy.
And the day we are reunited will be the happiest day ever -- just like the day when we first came into each other's lives.

I love you forever my little one. I will always love you forever and ever.
You know Wats-on my mind?? You are. You always, always, always, are.
I love you my best good boy. I love you so much my Watson.

4/12/19
Hi Watson. I'm sorry I haven't written much. I have been sick with the flu and that combined with the depression hasn't been helpful.
I miss you so much my little one. I miss you every single day. I realize my life will never ever be the same and I hate this life with out you. You were my reason to live and the only thing that made me happy and now I'm alone and miserable. I miss you so much.
I don't think therapy is helping and it feels like it's making the ptsd worse. It makes me want to give up more and more each day. I'm lost without you Watson. I'm so hopeless and lost with you gone. I don't know how much more of this I can take. I just wish we were together.. but instead I'm all alone. I miss you my little one. I miss you so much. I love you so so much and I will always love you forever.

4/10/19 12:46a
Hi Watson. I hope you and Sherlock are ok at the rainbow bridge. It's extra windy here so I hope it's nice and sunny there.
I'm sorry I didn't write sooner but I left the therapist feeling worse and I also think I'm getting sick. I just wanted to say I love you so so much and I hope we are together soon. I don't think I can handle this life without you any more.
I promise I'll write more tomorrow. Hopefully I'll feel better by then.
I love you my Watson. I love you forever.

4/8/19
Hi Watson. I hope the rainbow bridge is sunny but breezy for for you. It's getting hot again and I know you'd love this weather. I miss hanging out it's you in the ac on days like this.
I worked on your W this weekend and it's looking really cool. I hope you like it. I haven't attached the mini daffodils as I'm making the clouds into her clouds, like the one you sent me. I will try to finish it soon so you can see it and have it on your memorial. I want to get the other letters of your name but I can never find them. I hope I can find some more soon. I like making thing for you.
I have another therapist visit tomorrow and I'm hoping he can help me. I'm so lost without you my doidoidoi. I keep working 12-14 hours to keep busy but once I'm alone, I can't stop crying for you. The flashbacks feel like they are getting worse and I don't know what to do. He promised that I won't forget anything about you and it's more so like re-wiring my brain or something.
I just wish you were with me-- you made everything ok.. I miss you so much my little one. I will update you how tomorrow goes and hopefully you won't have to see me cry all the time. I love you my Watson. I love you so much! I will always love you.

4/7/19
Hi Watson. I woke up crying today. For a split second I thought you were here and these past months were all a horrible nightmare; but I soon realized that my life is just that and all it will ever be with you you. I miss you little one.
I keep wishing that I won't wake up one day and that I'll be reunited with you again.. I have nothing to live for anymore.. I hate this life without you.
But I hope you and Sherlock are enjoying the rainbow bridge. Please don't forget me. And please know that I love you so much. And I'm sorry I couldn't save you. Please know I'd do anything for you.. but I still failed you and I'm so so sorry..
I love you my Watson. I love you so much. I will always love you. I will love you forever. <3

4/6/19 8:33p
Hi again Watson. I'm so lost without you. I don't know what to do anymore.. I hate this life without you. I miss you so much my little one. I miss you so so much. I just wish this life would be over and we could be together again. I love you Watson. I love you with all my heart.

4/6/19
Hi Watson. I miss you so much... Today is really bad for me today and I really wish you were here. I would do anything to have you back here with me. I'd do anything to be with you. I can't stop crying today and I just wish I could wake up from this nightmare.
I love you so much my little one. I love you with all my heart and I will love you forever. You know Wats-on my mind? You are. You always, always are... every single day, every single moment. I love you so much my Watson. I love you so so much.

4/5/19
Hi Watson. My heart hurts so much for you today. It hurts for you every day but today I woke up feeling even more sad without you. I really don't think I can take much more of this. I feel so hopeless without you here. I feel so broken. I miss coming home to you and just being with you. You were my everything-- you still are.
I'm trying so hard my little one. I'm trying so hard not to give up but this life without you is not worth living. I don't know what to do anymore.
I miss you so much.
I will go as long as I can but I don't know how long that is.. i just want to be with you again.
I love you my Watsersers. I love you forever and ever. I love you always, my Watson.

4/4/19 12:05a
Hi Watson. I am missing you so much today. People keep telling me it will get easier as time passes, but it's not. I've gotten really good at hiding how I feel. I think people even think I'm doing better but I know you know better.
I'm sorry I cry so much for you my little one. I know you must be tired of sending me so many heart clouds and other signs. It's just that I don't have anything else that makes me happy.. you were my one and only-- my purpose, my Watson. I don't know how much longer I can pretend like this. I just want to be with you again-- you made everything ok. You made my life have meaning. You made me, me.
I miss you so much my Watsersers. I love you with all my heart and I hope you know how much I love you.
I hope you're taking care of Sherlock and having fun together at the rainbow bridge. I can't wait for the day we are together again. I love you my Watson.

4/2/19
Hi Watson. I don't think my post from yesterday saved. I just noticed it as I'm writing to you. I hope you are enjoying the rainbow bridge. I hope you are having fun with Sherlock and laying the the warm sun. His ashes came yesterday and he's next to your keepsake box on your memorial wall shelves. I hope you take good care of him my little one. You were always smarter than he was so you need to show him the ropes.
I hope you know how much you mean to me my doidoidoi. Every day without you is living my worst nightmare. You made me feel like I could do anything and ever since you left, I feel so lost and hopeless.
I miss you so much.
I've been trying to feel better but I can't.You were the only thing that made me happy..You were the only thing I lived for.. Now I don't have anything to live for. You were the only thing I needed and I'm sorry that I failed you Watson. Please know that I'm so sorry that I couldn't save you. and I'd do anything to have you back in my arms. I love you my Watson.
If wishes were fishes, we'd all cast our nets.. If wishes were Watson.. I'd have so many of you.. but I only need you.. and I don't have you anymore and my wishes never came true..
I love you my Watson.
Thank you for being the best best best good boy ever. I can't wait for the day we are reunited.
I love you forever my doidoidoi.

3/31/19
Hi Watson. Happy 4 year adoptiversary part 2.
I rearranged your home memorial and your car memorial today. I am also almost done constructing your "W" letter. I made the cutest tiny daffodils and I can't wait for you to see it when it's done. I think you will life it! I painted a bright blue sky and added individual grass blades on the bottom of the W; so it's like you're outside with me again-- sitting in the sun, snacking on grass when I'm not looking.. I'm also going to paint the chihuahua bobble head that was in my car to have matching eyes like yours.
I love you so much my Watson. I cried so much for you these past few days.. Actually, I cry so much for you every day.. You are still my best good boy and my soul mate Watson. I love you more than anything in the world.. I wish we could have spent this adoptiversary together... but I know we did-- I felt you around me more than usual today. I even thought I saw you when I was redoing your car memorial.. Thank you for always being there / here for me.. It means so much to me my little one. I love you so much Watson!!!

Happy 4 year adoptiversary my best good boy. My best friend. My soul mate. My Watson.

You know Wats-on my mind??? You are. You always are-- and always will be. I love you Watson.

3/31/19 2:37a
Hi Watson. Happy 4 year adoptiversary part 2.
I remember the day you and I met. You were so sweet and walker right up to me and pawed me for attention. You were always so gentle. Then the day you came home with me you were nervous but you were so happy. You slept on my shoulder near my face and cuddle up so close. I remember you were so stinky but I didn't want to scare you on your first day home with me.. From then on you were my best friend..
I remember the first time I tried to get you to howl and it was the cutest thing! You pitch was a little lower but squeaky for a chihuahua. You bark was so cute too-- your BAO BAO! I remember I didn't think you wanted to learn tricks but the day I taught you, you learned so fast! You learned almost all your tricks in one day! I loved watching your eyes dart back and forth waiting for my hand signal but waiting for the treat too..
Watson, I miss you so much.. I know I say that every time, but every time I think of our memories, my heart breaks. I'm so sad you're gone.. I am so sad we can't have more adoptiversaries or holidays.. or just going on a walk with you.. or laying in bed all day.. I miss you so much.. my heart is completely broken without you. I don't know what to do anymore.. I don't want to live this life without you. I just wish we were together again. You made everything ok-- better than ok, you made my life perfect. Without you I have nothing..
You were my everything Watson. I hope you know that... I know you know but I can't help say it to let you know.
I love you so much my little one.. I hope you and Sherlock are celebrating at the Rainbow Bridge-- Please come visit me if you can. I really need you so much right now.. but it's ok if you can't because I know you are always with me .I hope we are reunited soon and I hope you are having fun with all your friends at the rainbow bridge.
I love you so much my Watsersers. You are the most best good boy ever! Don't ever forget that! I am sending you so many hugs and annoying kisses to you!
I love you my Watson. Happy 4 year adoptiversary my one and only best good boy!

3/30/19
Hi Watson. I hope you are doing ok at the rainbow bridge. I miss you so much today. I feel so alone and hopeless without you. I rearranged the plants on your memorial today. I remember your last adoptiversary-- It was so fun, do you remember? You and Sherlock got to eat eggs and sausage and had new outfits and your adoptiversary hats. We went for a long walk and played outside and you got a new dog bed and laid in the sun. You always loved the sun. I was going to take you to the dog park but you were so tired and just wanted to sleep in my lap so we did. I pet you all day long and it was one of the best days ever; it's still one of my favorite days..
I wish we could have celebrated your 4 year adoptiversary together. Tomorrow is part 2 of your adoptiversary and I will try not to cry as much...
I know you're always with me but it still hurts so much to not be able to hold you or pet you or hear your snore next to me.. But I know that I'm so lucky that I got to be your mom and I thank you for being in my life even though it was so short. You were