by Dawn Arneson
Less than a week ago I had a nightmare that something horrible had happened to my favorite cat, J.Thomas. The next morning I called my family and asked how he was doing. Although no one would come out and tell me the truth, I knew that somethign had happened to J.Thomas. The week before I called home, my mom found J.Thomas lying on a towel in the laundry room, unable to move his back legs. Since I spent the two previous summers working at a local vet hospital, my mom called and they told her to bring J.Thomas in. Apparently, a saddle bag blood clot had rendered sweet J.Thomas paralyzed and treatment was 50/50. But J.Thomas had been losing a lot of weight and his breathing had been labored for quite some time. My family decided that the best thing they could do for our friend was euthanize him. My mom stayed with J.Thomas during his final moments, as he purred the whole time and eventually layed his head down in her hands and went to sleep forever. I didn't find out about what had happened to my baby until a week after it happened. At first I was angry at my family for not telling me sooner and including me in the decision. Now I realize that they knew how devastated I would be and wanted to wait to break the news to me in person. Since I am a student at a University two hours away from home, the initial grieving process has been very difficult. Although there are people who apologize for my loss and listen to my story, I know they all think that I am overreacting. I try to explain how J.Thomas was my best friend and, for as long as I can remember, the man in my life who as always there. I came home for the weekend and it hurts so much to see all the places where J.Thomas would always be and realize that I will never see him again until it is my time to pass on. My heart is so heavy and my tears won't quit. It is really bad at night when I am laying in bed and thinking about this undescribable loss I feel in my heart and in my life. I know my life will never be quite the same. J.Thomas was my pet since I was four years old. He was born in the house that we grew up in together. We have pictures of him with me at Christmas, walking through my Barbie dream house, and before my junior prom. He was such a significant part of my life and it's almost like he wanted to wait until I was all grown up to pass on. My mom says he always loved me best, and I know I always loved him best. He always knew when I was sad. If I cried, he would jump next to me and bump me with his forehead. When I was in pain one time, he walked in circles around me, rubbing against me and crying as if he was saying "it's gonna be okay." He was and always will be my best friend. I wish I could have spent his last days with him, but I am also happy that I can remember him when he was well and painless. I would give ten years of my own life if I could have J.Thomas here with me, healthy and happy, for ten more years. I know my life will always have something missing, and I will never forget the first man in my life, my best friend, and my family member. I cannot wait for the day when I cross the Rainbow Bridge to find J.Thomas waiting to greet me with a gentle bump of his forehead. :( I miss him with all my heart and I will never forget all the joy he has brought to my life.
In Memory of J.Thomas O'Mally Allen 1987-2002