Sunday, November 16, 2003 My best friend died yesterday. In my arms. The pain is unbearable. I miss her so much. She was the greatest friend one could ever ask for. The kind of friend most people only dream of having. She was simply the best. Why? Well, for one thing, she was always so very happy to see me. Oh, she was happy enough to see everyone, (she was definitely a people person), but she was particularly excited to see me. She so loved all the people in her life, but she and I had a special bond that compared to none. Others had close ties with her, but ours was dynamic. She loved her Daddy and eagerly awaited his return. She would shower him with kissesand then promptly go about her business. Her Nana was also good to her, and she knew shed always get an extra treat when she visited. Sean and his friends were great folly for her always checking them out and, once introductions were over, returning to me. Faithful, that was my friend. Being one of few words, my friend never spoke unless asked to, except if there was something amiss that needed my immediate attention. She knew that I would investigate the object of her displeasure. Trusting, that was my friend. My friend was also a good listener. She would sit with me for hours, without saying a word. Never did she utter a disapproving or belittling comment. Never did she snap at me or bite my head off about something. Never was she angry with me. Never did she make me feel guilty about something. Never did she offer unsolicited or unwarranted advice. She just listened to me.hanging on my every word. We should all have a friend like that. Judgmental was certainly not part of her vocabulary. She just loved me for me unconditional doesnt fully describe her love. It was a kind of love most people will never experience. As my friend got older and her eyesight began to fail, eventually becoming virtually blind, a certain spark left her, but she was still my same old friend. Unable to chase squirries, but still eager to please, eager to do what was asked of her. Even when she was diagnosed with diabetes a short time later, my friend took her twice daily insulin shots like a trooper and dutifully swallowed her pills. Slowly, over time, it became harder and harder for her to climb stairs, but she managed. It was almost as if she knew no one could carry her. She was just too big. So, reluctantly, she did was she was told, never asking me to help. Yep, that was my baby girl. Always aiming to please, never asking for anything in return. Even in her final days she always did what she was told. As sick as she was, she never complained. The diabetes had taken its toll over the past year, and now she was going into liver and kidney failure. The vomiting started on Tuesday. I think her last illness took me more by storm than by surprise. I knew she was slowly slipping awayI just didnt expect it to be so suddenly. But she knew, and tried to tell me in her own way. I guess it took me awhile to listen.all the times she listened to me, and I couldnt bring myself to listen to her. I was being very selfish with my good friend. She never would have been that way with me. And so the time had come. I had to let her go. More importantly, she had to let me go. My family wanted to come with me and my friend. But, no I said, this was something I had to do by myself just me and her, the way it began. So I held her. I told her I loved her. I told her how much everyone loved her her Daddy, her Nana, her Sean even her Auntie Alice I just kept telling her how much we all loved her so very much. I told her she was my baby girl and that she was such a good girl and that I would miss her beyond belief. As the needle was inserted into her arm, my friend never moved a muscle. Death was swift. She slumped in my arms. I told her I was sorry I wanted to take it back. Grief overwhelmed me. I havent stopped crying since..I dont know if I ever will The staff were wonderful. Telling me I did the right thing. Telling me she would always be with me, watching over me. Telling me not to feel guilty. That it took extra special love to do what I did. Would someone please tell those things to my broken heart She was the only unconditional friend I ever had. There will never be another one like her. I will bring her home next week. Shes being cremated. At least Ill have a part of her with me until we meet again. As I said, I lost my best friend yesterday. She was just 9 years and 2 months old. Her name was Jara. She was my dog. Forever in my heart, Love Mommy Harriet L. Duffy hduffy@randyoumatz.com