Dear Taylor...another anniversary for us baby. Only this one I don't want to be here..I don't want it to have exitsted. In a couple hours it will have been one week since I came home after working one of those 15 hour days. When I drove up I saw your buddy, Tiki run out the back door..I sat there waiting for you to follow. You didn't..I thought "dang lazy girl..can't even get up out of the bed and greet me"...I figured that when I closed the door for sure you'd come running..still nothing. I walked around the yard calling your name but you didn't come bouncing up. We walked into the house and I saw your legs sticking out from the side of the sofa...I remember saying "Taylor, you big moose, don't scare me like that!!" As I came round the futon my whole world went into a spin...you were laying there blown up to twice your normal size (of 120lbs) and so very stiff...I grabbed your face and it was so very cold and you didn't even open your eyes when I kept yelling your name. Dangit...you were supposed to open your eyes and give me that "oh just chill mom" look..and why weren't you nudging your fuzzy face into mine, the way you did made you look like a little seal. Thank goodness for Michelle..she helped me to carry you out to the back of the truck but then I couldn't bear to leave you there..it was all such a bad dream. I kept looking into your face and remembering things..like the time I came home and it was searing hot..you were just a little puppy then, but a tank nonetheless..when you didn't come out I figured you were under the trailer where it was nice and cool, like always. When the PGE man came up and asked if I had found my little black dog my heart just sank..I panicked and asked him what happened to her, where is she..he walked around to the back of the trailer and there you sat..with your head through the stirrup of my saddle!!!! Oh I felt like the worst mom ever..there you were just sitting out in the heat, dragging that huge western saddle all around the yard and never made a peep. The PGE man told me he had found you that way a few hours earlier but he didn't know how to take it off...my little Tay Tay..you may have LOOKED like a horse but you weren't made to wear a saddle!!! And you had no idea that you were such a moose..when we were staying at mom's and you were the biggest of all the dogs there...anytime one of them would come up to you and growl you would roll over on your back and give up without even a peep. My god you were the sweetest dog in the world, you couldn't help it that you looked like a bruiser!!! And that fuzzy red hair on your face..everyone swore I dyed it so that we would have matching hair..not to mention the perm on your hind end..how did you come to be such a goofy thing? But so goofy that we couldn't go anywhere in public without people coming up and wanting to see you...you were the most beautiful dog (in your own way of course) thus the name Taylor, after Elizabeth..you had none of her grace but every ounce of beauty and sweetness...Dayna gave you that name you know, and even though she always bugged me about putting you on a diet and what a moose you were, she loved you too. I'm not sure how to live without you girl, you were the best buddy I ever had and could make me laugh all the time. We have to leave at the end of the week...the boys that I take care of are coming to live with us. They always said I loved my dogs more than I loved them..is that why you left girl? You were only four, just a baby, we had so much more camping and swimming to do. I know I have to move from here, the boys need someone to take care of them and our place is too small...but I don't want to leave the memories just yet...it hurts so much to leave and see a big empty spot next to Tiki, where you always sat on the deck watching me drive away...but even as much as it hurts, I don't want to leave it, it's like I can still feel you here even though I know you have gone on to someplace wonderful. But I know I have to for the boy's sake. I also know that someday I'll think of you and laugh instead of crying. And you know something? That guy that was missing for so long..Taylor Kramer...they found him the same day that you died...did you have to go and show them where he was? That would be just like you, I'm glad you took away his familys' pain. I love you Tay Tay, I miss you terribly but have fun until I see you again. Goodbye my little moose girl.