It is very hard right now for me to cope with the death of my pretty Megan. She had a breathing problem for the last nine months or so. Her Doctor who I really trusted prescribed different medication and put her through lots of tests. She went to a Specialist in January. The Specialist said she had a disease similar to Cystic Fibrosis and prescribed very costly medication. Her breathing never did improve. Last Friday night she coughed and blood came through her nose and mouth. She looked so sad. I could not find a doctor to see her who was familiar with her problem as it was 11:30pm. I called the University of Penn. It is about an hour away. They said I could bring her in and I didn't because by the time I reached them it was 2:00am and I was just not sure what to do. If I could do it over again, I would have driven five hours. I got a call 6:30 in the morning from her doctor and brought her in immediately. Her doctor gave her oxygen and medication and sent my mother and I home. We all decided that beings it was a weekend it would be better to wait until Monday to take her to the University of Penn. We got a phone call at home and the assistant said Megan would be ready to pick up in a half an hour. When we arrived we were escorted back. She had collapsed about ten minutes before we arrived. The doctor was working on her frantically. I don't know what went wrong. The doctor said she didn't understand what happened. Did Megan think I had given up on her? Did she think I left her? Did I take her to the wrong Doctor? I feel I deserted my most precious companion. Nothing can bring her back to me. I have been trying to reason with the facts and yet I feel so guilty. I have questioned my faith. The Rainbow Bridge is man created. Any person that has ever had a beloved pet has been told that animals don't have souls. Truly, does that mean that my Megan died and memories is all that she leaves? The Bible says if a human deserves everlasting life they will have it in heaven. What does our God do with animals that have served their masters? I know that no other animal just like a human has ever come back and told of any heavenly experience but doesn't the Bible document anything for animals after their death. Immediately after we buried Megan we saw a Rainbow. Yesterday, we saw another rainbow. Megan had two rainbows in two days. I read about Rainbow Bridge but I still can't believe. Is believing part of the healing process? I feel so lost. I made up a poem while looking into the rainbow. "Rainbow, Rainbow, in the sky, why did Megan have to Die? If Rainbow wishes do come true, Megan, I wish one day I'll be with you..." My sweet little dog gave so much joy to my life. I know I didn't mistreat her but now I think of so many ways I could have treated her better. She loved car rides. I should have taken her for more rides. She loved walks; I should have walked her more. She loved chicken; I should have made her fresh chicken more often. I should have done so much more for her...I want to believe but I'm so afraid for her. She hated to be by herself too. I have my family and yet I feel that I am so alone. She is alone in the ground and I feel so sorry for her. Will this pain ever go away? I have little money but I have gone in debt for her. I would have charged to the limit for her. I feel like I have so much support from friends and family but I feel as if my heart is broken and I can't survive without her.