Samantha Sweet sweet Samantha girl I love you so much, so very very much I miss you terribly angelface, I hurt when I look around and you’re gone I can see you everywhere, I can almost hear you, I want to touch you just one more time There are so many memories and beautiful times we shared So many many wonderful things you added to my life You were my pumpkin and the prettiest girl in the world I love you and miss you You were such a brave girl and a such a good fighter Going through those tests, shots, and pills without a complaint You know that I wanted to be there for you, always, like I promised you You know that I wasn’t allowed in when they were trying to save you I was right outside, as close as I could be to you, as close as I could possibly be How I wanted to reach out and hold you to let you know that I loved you To see you on your way with my love, so you wouldn’t go without feeling my love for you And that I burst into tears of sadness I didn’t know existed when they told me you were gone Such an empty helpless feeling, I just wanted to hug you, so you would feel me again The feeling of losing you has been one of the worst feelings of my life I have never lost anything so dear to me until you I wish I would’ve been home all day long to spend time with you, those 2 hours are gone forever I wish I could have hugged you all day long, I would’ve, if only I could have known I would’ve stayed right there in bed and held you forever I wish that we could have feasted on pizza and steak and whatever you wanted So that you wouldn’t have to leave hungry You could’ve had pig ears and squeaky toys and anything else I would’ve spent all day telling you how much I loved you and how special you are to me All day, I swear to you, you are that important and dear to me I so desperately wanted to be there for you and say goodbye, and see you on your way I cried so hard when I told my mom that you were gone and I wasn’t able to be there for you I am so sorry, please forgive me I hope you can still hear me wherever you are I hope you can feel my love for you, it will never die or fade Maybe you can see me, and how much you meant to me too I hope that you’ve found yourself a nice place to play and live now I will come see you one day and we can be together again, wait for me, I’ll be there, I promise you I know you don’t hurt anymore, and you are healthy and happy again You will never be scared and lonely again You’re in a place when there’s fields and places to explore, treats to eat, other doggies to play with, pig ears to chew, squeaky toys, and my unending love for you around you like a protective coat I am so proud and lucky that I got to share over 4 years of your life with you You looked for a good home for so long before we found each other I am so honored that I was able to be your 5th and final home, home at last, home at last… You taught me to love and to take responsibility, your love was so unconditional and unwavering Your loyalty was unquestionable and you were so full of love for me I promised you many times that I would be your last home, and I have kept that promise to you I am going to take care of you forever sweetheart I will keep you by my side for the rest of my life, and then we will meet again I love you, always and forever, sweet dreams and godspeed. I remember… How you looked when you came waddling and wiggling at me June of 1995, my 42 pound dog And how you were looking for a 5th home How I knew that you were going to be mine that day, June 10, 1995 And I promised you that day, that you’d found your last home, and we’d be friends forever And how that became your birthday because nobody really knows when you were born How we visited all my friends the first day I had you How you jumped onto my bed when it was time for bed How we started sleeping together, under the covers, from that day on How you loved using my pillow and my arm to rest your little head on How you used to snore and dream, and how that scared me the first time I heard you snore How you used to have trouble with stairs because of your big belly How you used to play with Boogie and Ducky, and how Ducky bit you in the ear one day How we used to go everywhere together and you would ride along in the car With your little nose stuffed into a dark corner How you loved sitting on my porch, just dozing the day away How we used to take walks around Springfield Then how you started taking walks yourself around Springfield, visiting friends And nudging your way back in to my house with your little nose and the half open door You always knew your way home How you taught me responsibility by letting me take care of you How shocked I was the first time you pooped on the floor, I called my mother to ask her what to do How surprised I was to learn all about fleas, and we never had that problem again, just once How you let me carry you like a baby and sit you in my lap How anything I did was okay by you because it was me and that was all How you let me dress you in scarves, collars, and sweaters And you were, by far, the most spoiled and pretty dog around How you pouted when you weren’t the center of attention By leaving little shreds of pink kleenex for me to pick up Or that time my parents visited, and you peed on the floor in front of us so we’d pay attention to you How you had such an upset tummy the first time you flew, and we had to hose out your cage But then again, you ate all those Werthers candies before you flew too But how much you loved Texas and how you got lost in my parents house back in the big closet And how you rolled over on my twin bed and fell right off onto the floor and looked so embarrassed How you even made my mom, who’d been scared of dogs for 50 years, a dog lover too How you made my father laugh and be young again And the time he drove non stop from Dallas to Lubbock because it was raining for you When we visited my friends in Texas and you met Kathi’s dog Happy who was an old cocker And the two of you trotting through their house, old and young, having so much fun I hope you and Happy are having fun looking down on us now, and playing together And soon, you were practically a frequent flyer to Texas How you would just know that I needed some love and come snuggle next to me How you would hear me crying and just love me, with all your might, to make things better You just knew, and you were always there for me How you loved me through my breakup with my first boyfriend Brad How he thought you were more important to me than he was – and he was right, you were How you scared me by eating a half pound of Godiva chocolates How we took your first Santa picture that Christmas and showed it to everyone How I put you in a kennel January 1996 and how much you missed me, you never slept alone again How we took so many trips together, all over the country And we found a boy that loved you and I realized that loving you was a new requirement for boys How much you loved sitting at the top of the stairs and looking out the windows at Shawn’s parents’ The spots in that house were just your size and you spent all day looking at cars and the woods How you cuddled with old Amos and were gentle with him, even though you tried to eat his food I hope you and Amos are having fun looking down on us now, and playing together How you would get fed popcorn by Roberta and Gary in bed, after sleeping in everyone else’s bed How much that family could love my dog showed me even more how special you were How you were sad when I was packing for Washington, DC because you thought I was leaving you And how excited you were when you realized you were coming too, and we made a new home How much fun you had in your yard in Washington, and how many friends you made there Your visits to the Boland’s house and playing with Sliver, who you’ve been reunited with now I hope you and Sliver are having fun looking down on us now, and playing together How many strangers to me, knew you from the yard, and brought you treats How you won the pet photo award and made me so proud, I have lots of copies of that issue And we got your second Santa picture made Christmas 1996 at Nordstrom’s How you were so patient with me when I decided I wanted to work 4 jobs, you just waited for me Even though I was sometimes gone for 17-18 hours at a time, you just waited And then my grandmother’s 90th birthday was coming up and I had to leave you for a month I arranged for 4 friends to take care of you, Dennis (who adores and misses you) morning and night, And one of the other 3 every other day to spend time in the house with you And you did so well, you almost made it the whole month, until the last week When I came home, you were growling at the furniture, out of your mind, missing me But we got you back in a couple of days, and all was well I finally took my first real job, and started having semi-normal hours and a desk for your pictures And coworkers to brag about you too and tell stories about you to I worked so hard at that job, and regret missing time with you How you scared me when you ate all my Claritin tablets and were hyper for a day or so How we missed your Christmas picture that year because the timing just didn’t work out How you looked to me to help you when you fell over February 8, 1998 How scared I was for you as we drove like maniacs to the hospital How the hospital put you through so much, and I was there to love you through it How we looked at each other through your hospital visits, the love was almost touchable How I cooked potatoes for you to munch on, because the treats were too hard for you to chew And you tried so hard, just to lift your head and wag your tail at me, even though you were weak How I would sleep with my arms around you on the exam table just so you knew I was there How I missed work for 2 days, just to be next to you, to show you that I would always be there How relieved I felt when they finally told me you were going to be okay How I visited you at 2 in the morning and all kinds of other times at South Paws And you had that silly shaved patch on your arm where your IV was and where they took your blood That made you look like a poodle because you were so fluffy everywhere else How thrilled I was when I helped you take your first steps since you’d gotten sick And proud that I was able to help you get better How happy I was to bring you home, and have my daddy help with your care How I used to come home from work and we’d play and cuddle in your confined kitchen area Covered in blankets, towels, toys, and treats (and always, love) And when you weren’t sure that you’d be able to get up and walk again We went and found you a new friend who was a pound puppy named Honey You and Honey took to each other on first sight in the yard, so Honey came home with us And within days, after seeing Honey jump onto the bed, and run up the stairs You found the strength and will to do the same And we were one big happy family, except that Honey had no idea what his name was So one day, I called him Sug and he turned his head, so Sugar Bear became his name And Samantha and Sugar Bear were my family, you two were roommates and buddies How we went on my first jeepin trip together where you stole a guy’s sandwich off his lap And I drowned my jeep and met great new friends, I learned to four wheel, it has changed my life All the trips we took all summer long to the woods to go jeepin and camping together Your newest friends George and JR both had so much fun with you at camp Where I learned that you hated kayaking, but had fun doing everything else How you loved playing and exploring in the forest Although both you and Sug got out of the tent one night, and scared me to pieces And a couple of hours later, you came trotting back, like nothing had ever happened And when I got stuck by myself, we all walked together to hitch a ride for help Using my belt for you two’s leashes as we asked for help from strangers I became known as the girl in the little red cherokee with the 2 dogs, you two were always there How patient you were with the constant tests and shots and pills and everything I put you through Trying to make you well and feel better, it worked, it worked for a year and a half And you were always there for me, through all the boys and all the jobs, you were there Then this job came about and we moved to Chicago, and the movers took all the stuff So that there was no place to sleep at my house and we got a hotel room Daddy came back to the house and slept with you two so you wouldn’t be lonely And so we drove, me, Daddy, Samantha, and Sugar Bear from Washington to Chicago And we slept on the floor at my new house, my family and I And you had a new yard to play in and it was glorious in December when we moved in You had your very own backyard for the first time, and I could see how you enjoyed it We got your group Santa picture taken with Sugar Bear Christmas of 1998 And it’s hanging on my parents’ Christmas tree as an ornament and in my house as a picture That was your last Christmas picture, and I’m glad we got one with your buddy Sugar Bear Then we flew home for Christmas and I learned that I’d have to fly Continental from now on Because the American planes were too small to take 2 pets in one plane So we flew to Houston, and got stuck, and I was scared about you two Finally you silly dogs showed up in cargo and a wonderful man helped me get you to a hotel And how I bought 3 roast beef sandwiches for dinner that night, one for each of us And we managed to get on the plane the next morning, and you made it to Texas again And spent your 4th and last Christmas with my family, with toys, treats, and sweaters When it came time to fly back to Chicago, the weather was awful, 22 inches of snow in a day And I got stuck in Houston for 30 hours, I am so glad I decided to leave you two in Texas Where I knew that you would be well taken care of and definitely spoiled to pieces When my friends asked about my dogs, I could say that y’all were “summering” in Texas And so many friends said that they hoped to come back as my dogs in their next life Because I loved you two so much and wanted only the best for you I know that mom and dad took great care of you two, 5 walks a day and at least 15 treats And they were home all day long to play, what a great life Then my mommy had some heart problems and I had to fly home suddenly I got to see you guys, which was a bonus, and got to spend every other night with you two But that was a scary time, because my mom had big surgery, and you two were there To comfort me and keep me company, just like always My parents say that it would be easier to keep you two for a while longer and I agreed Mom needed your company while she recuperated, I’m sure you made her smile Well spring finally came in Chicago, and I came to get you two at the end of March And you met my new jeep friend Ed, who even called to see how I was after he found out about you We came home to Chicago, and my house was a home again, with my puppy dogs April came and my work was stressing me out, to the point where I left my job that month But I was so lucky because I spent the entire month of May with my jeep and dogs The two things that make me the happiest, I got to spend a lot of time with These were your last months Samantha and I got to spend so much time with you, I am grateful 4 jeepin trips in May, to Attica and to Pittsfield, me and my little dogs June came around and you weren’t feeling so great, so we went for some more tests They changed your medications and you were a new dog again I think you found some life and joy in the month of June and I am so thankful of that You were bopping and playing around, like the Samantha you were How everyone admired your beauty and love for me How many friends you made and lives you touched everywhere How you taught me to love unconditionally How you taught me the meanings of sacrifice How you taught me the meaning of a lifelong friend How you taught me what always and love really meant Just as a caution, we checked everything out on you Saturday July 17, 1999 And you were PERFECT, all the tests were normal, we had finally gotten you back And Sunday, you were feeling bad, but I figured you were getting old and let you be For the first time ever, you fought me with your pills that night, you almost bit me I think you were trying to tell me that you didn’t want to fight anymore You didn’t want to eat, and I changed to better food, which you had a little of, so I put it away We went to sleep and the next morning, you didn’t want to get up, so I let you be You fought me again against taking your pills, and I insisted – you took those pills All day, you laid on the floor, and I just thought you were tired I called the vet and that’s when I found out that your tests were perfect And was told just to keep an eye on you, 2 hours later, when you started to moan and breathe hard I rushed you to the hospital, and I hope that you felt my love and concern then I am guilty of wanting to finish up my work, am guilty of even thinking of running errands But when I picked you up to take you to the vet, I knew that you had to come first We got there, and got you into a room, drew your blood, which turned out to be fatally unbalanced I hope you knew I was there, I hope you felt my love, I hope you could see me I desperately hope you caught one last glance of me and the love I have as they whisked you away Because all I could do then was pray, hope, worry, pace, and love you from afar They wouldn’t let me in, and I tried to find you and get to you I asked one lady to check on you, and she said that someone would talk to me in a second I knocked on the door of the section you were in, and asked to come in and be with you They said I had to stay outside of the section At that point, I wanted to tell them that if you were going, please let me be there But I didn’t want that to happen, anything but that, so I couldn’t say that You pulled out of this stuff in a miracle February 1998, and I just hoped you could do it again So I asked a third person to check on you and that was when The doctor came out and let me know that she was sorry, that they had done everything for you But that you never breathed on your own again, and that your little heart just stopped beating That you had left us for a better place, somewhere you could play and be healthy again Turns out you were tired, tired of fighting against your body with me, and it was time It was time, you had been brave for so long, and that sweet soul of yours was tired You knew that I would have trouble with your upkeep, and that I’d be working again soon And that I would do anything for you, even go deeper and deeper into debt, just to have you But you knew I was fine, that the new company would be okay, and that I had a new job You knew that our time together was coming to an end, and you made sure it was a day When I was home, and we got to spend time together, and you chose Monday July 19, 1999 As your last day on this earth as my beloved Samantha, my sweet sweet Samantha I miss you so very much sweet girl, it sure is hard to let you go angelface you were everything to me, I never knew love like this was possible Thank you for touching my life, for letting me become a better person because of you I am so honored, grateful, and lucky to have been loved by you And you taught me love, real unending never fading love, for you Thank you sweet Samantha – I love you.