Never and Forever By Karl Hasslinger A year ago we lost our precious little terrier named Muffin. At that time I wrote a short story titled "The Angel," about how she came into our lives and what she meant to us. Gone now for a year, it seems like she has been gone forever and at the same time, like she has never left my side. As I think about my daily life, Muffin has fallen out of my habits. I no longer look for her lying around in her favorite spots. I no longer think about having to take her out when I get up, or just before going to bed. During the day, I don't wonder whether she is OK at home. I no longer look down to see if her water bowl is full, nor do I mistakenly ask my wife how Muffin is doing when I call home while traveling. That is the forever side - it seems like Muffin has been gone forever and isn't part of our lives. Fortunately however there is also the never side - the reason I feel like Muffin is still with me. The never side makes me pause and think about Muffin when I see one of her many pictures around the house or in my office. It makes me think about how much I love and miss her and how thankful I am for God's gift of her presence for over seventeen years. Sometimes as I think of her, I close my eyes we are reunited, if only for moments. When that happens, all my senses become excited by her presence - I can hear her bark and see her jump with excitement the way she did when I came home each day. I can feel the sincerity of her welcome expressed by an eager tongue licking my face as I bend down to say hello. I can smell her disheveled fur when it has been raining. I grin and stifle a chuckle as she runs through my mind hopelessly pursuing a bird in flight or a squirrel in a tree. Best of all, I can still feel the love she conveys when she jumps onto my chair and sleeps in my lap, letting me know she wants to be with me. As she sleeps and I pet her, I can vividly feel her little body: the softness of her fur, the coolness of her nose and the warmth of her belly. The never side rejects her illness, her pain and her demise. It eases my pain and helps me deal with the loss of my child-like companion - it make me feel like Muffin never left me. It is a year after her passing, and hardly a day goes by that I don't think of Muffin. Sometimes when I see people enjoying a pet's companionship, I wonder why my wife and I don't yearn for another dog. Is it out of concern that we would be trying to replace Muffin? Is it out of concern that Muffin was so special she can't be replaced, rendering another pet a disappointment? Is it out of concern that another dog would cause her memory to fade, taking away the comfort of our reunions? Or is it that we don't need another Muffin now? We don't know the answers to these questions but we are confident they will come in time. Just as the Lord has dimmed our memories of Muffin's illness and passing, we have faith that He will send another Angel like Muffin, if again we are in need. Until then, we will never forget Muffin and all the love and joy she brought us. She will be in our hearts and minds forever.