by Rachel Main
To Poncho:
What the world needs now, is love sweet love… that’s you, my sweet darling. That was you, and that will always be you. Like daddy’s famous quote he coined just for you- “You’re true, my friend.” So true. Who’s truer than you? My little doggie. My black bear. You were always there- weren’t you? Well, it sure seems that way. I feel as though every picture I’ve taken in the years most important to me thus far in my life would have your curly figure somewhere in the background. And you were content. Content just to be that figure in our lives. Happy to be the support when we were sad or joy when we were in the mood for fun. Your heart was a giver. God made you that way, you couldn’t help it. You gave when we rode on my sled in your red sweater that I made you wear. It probably made you uncomfortable, but that was something you’d endure gladly if it meant an afternoon with me. From the day I saw your pure, innocent black eyes waiting in excited expectation at the bottom of the stairs- the day I came home from school in fifth grade to take you out and show you off for the first time- until your last quivering breath, your one true desire (over and above eating a whole chocolate cake with a rib-eye steak on top) was to be with me and the people I love most. Why couldn’t you have been a wretched little thing? Why did you have to go and be the sweetest thing that could exist in this evil world?
So it’s cold and rainy tonight, and I can’t help but think that it is no coincidence. I think that your passing made the clouds swell. I think the sky is weeping because you’re gone. You didn’t think we’d notice, but we did. You thought you could exit without much of a fuss- we’d keep on going about our business. You meant more than you know, and life is not fair. You wanted to live so badly. I know you did. But for some reason, you only get about fifteen years, and then the hourglass runs empty. Well, I want you to know my heart has no hourglass, and you live there forever. You take jogs with me there into eternity. You stink up the whole house until the cows come home (and they never do in my heart).
Well, what to do without your clickers clicking on the floor, without your presence inspiring a crazy Scottish accent from your daddy and a warped voice tailored just for your personality from me. For goodness sakes, I can eat chocolate and even drop it on the floor without it being subject to a disappearing act. No jingle collar as you walk into my room in the night to curl up next to my bed just so I’ll wake up and you’ll have another chance to be with me. Yes, these will be no more, but I promise you I’ll store them in my heart. But I am happy I won’t hear the horrid pollutions that slithered onto your puppy self- I will not hear hacking or throwing up what you tried so hard to swallow or smell the rottenness of disease around you, and you won’t either. I am glad to wish these things good riddance. I am glad to know God made you, cared enough to make you for me, and took you back into his arms where death cannot sting you. For that, I am overjoyed. Please just know that I loved you from the day you were “Franklin” in Branford until forever in my heart. Poncho is a name I’ll always connect with wonderful times and happy memories. You were blissful youth even when you were old and gray. Thank you for being with me all those years in their entirety- knowing the route to Laura’s house, being able to skip to Angela’s with your eyes closed, figuring out that you can fetch water in Alison’s garage, witnessing me pitch on my softball team and being so excited to see me that you had to run on the field during the game, watching me date Mike for four years, seeing all the proms, missing me at school, skipping through Lyman orchards, knowing my everyday routine. Thank you for giving your gift.