by V Martin
Autumn was a tri-colored Sheltie (miniature collie) who was 16 weeks old and still in a cage at the pet shop. She was smaller than a Collie but larger than a Sheltie. And she was scared of her own shadow. But, we bonded right then and there- and she came home with me.
I can't go into details, but it involved domestic violence and cancer about a year later.
That dog slept at the foot of my bed everyday while I recuperated from surgery. I called her "Mom" as she watched over me just like a mother would.
On October 16th,1988 she bolted from my ex, who was walking her at the campsite we had gone to for a week on vacation. Slipped from her collar and leash, he'd said. Somehow, I believed there was more to the story.
She didn't like him... and he didn't like her.
When he'd yell, her face twisted in a disgusted expression. And she would look at me, her brown eyes softening, as if to convey that she understood just what was transpiring within the confines of that house.
It was in a rural area with secluded ranches. We stayed for a week extra calling and searching for her, but Autumn seemed to disapear into thin air. Posters were put up at the mailboxes and we returned several times over the following months to search. Residents would call us to advise that they had seen her and try to coax her to them- but she would scamper off. Animal lovers that they were, tins of dog food were left at the edge of their properties, which they said was gone the following morning. It became a ritual and a comfort that she was in the midst of caring folks. But, whenever we returned- and went home with out her, I just couldn't figure out why she refused to return to those who loved her so much and missed her so much.
She was my best friend and confidant.
About a year and a half after she disapeared, we received a call from a vet hosptial near where Autumn had disapeared. A resident had spotted her lifeless body on one of the rural roads and rushed her to work -veterinarian. She was still warm- but it was too late. She was dead. Hit by a car.
I couldn't say anything good came of the situation for a long time.
But in retrospect, I began to see that, in little doses,
Autumn made me open my eyes to the situation I was living in. She had chosen unconditional freedom in a dangerous place over living with me in mine.
I think that in a strange way,on the single day I had seen her before she bolted into the cover of the surrounding woods,
she would have come to me, if I had been alone. Our eyes had met. She knew me. But, she would not return to my world.
A year later, I fled with my son, to a women's shelter after my health had improved and I was able to resume working.
I know that Autumn would've loved this peaceful, happy home we now have. And in a way, atleast in spirit, I think she knows.....
I love you always, Audie.
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