by Audrey McCreight
i got tillie when i was just 10 yrs old.i am 19 now.she was the big one of the litter.a springer spaniel she was. black and white withblack spots on her nose.we called her "harsh".because when she barked or ran .....it always sounded like she was saying harsh in a deep husky gravel girrdy voice.(smile).well all of tillies life she was an inside dog.last yr we found out our house had the black mold and we would have to move for a yr to newer and bigger house. since we already have 4 dogs .....tillie being the brut. and the one with the worst blatter problem...she was to become very suddenly and outside dog. tho this yard was very nice. it had a large tree and a big shady deck for her to nap on. she had a large dog kennel in the garage and her babies(toys) and a big soft blanket was out there. she grew to love her new found freedom.but one night.....my sister went out to her ex mother in laws.when she came home - not long after she was home my mom heard her howling. so she went outside to feed her.tillie was a big girl and she loooooooved her food.she would often get fussy about it too.well my mom fed her and 3 hours later she noticed tillie wasnt making any noise. and tillie was always playing with the neighbors cat at night. they chased and played with eachother and she made her usual " harsh harsh " sound.well she went outside and it was awfully cold. tillie wasnt in the garage and she wasnt in the yard.where was tillie? Someone let her out we think.my heart leaped in my throat.i told my mom." we have to find her" we jumped in the truck and took the flashlight and "cookies".we drove all over our neighborhood. i called and called and could have sworn a few times i might have seen her. but i dont know. i told my mom that im not going a fairmont. which is a busy street . very busy 2 way street. on 2 sides.any animal that makes it on fairmont is a truly lucky. well my mom dropped me off and my sister went. i walked around at 3-4 am in ice cold weather. in my pjs with my house shoes n big jacket on. i called n called tillie. i cried i prayed. i prayed to God. " please God i've never asked much from u. in fact i probably dont ask enough. i know im not perfect and i have done many sins i am not proud of. but im telling u now.please bring my baby back. i dont care just bring her back to me. and i promise u hear and now ill change my ways.u have my word.amen"well 5 minutes later my mom n sister drove up. my sister got out the truck and walked up to me slowly with her head bent. she said ...." im so sorry....." tillie was hit buy a car.and i lost it. i screamed " NOOOOOOOOOOOO" so loud. i couldnt stop. my baby !!!!!! my mom grabbed told me please dont look in the back of the truck please dont uncover tillie but i had too.i had to see her. i had to know that it was tillie. and there was no mistaking my angel.i threw my arms around her.ill never forget what i saw. her body from the waist down. wrapped in towels.her perfect little head with those curls. she was asleep.forever. and she was still warm. i layed there with tillie hugging her. rubbing her ears and her neck and her ... tummy.i told her i was so sorry. i kept saying it.i told her i loved her.and i cried n cried. i went to the garage and gathered her babies and her blanket.my mom wrapped her up.and placed tillies toys under arms like she was hugging them/we called my brother n sister up. they came over and took tillie to her real home and buried her. i told her goodbye and told her i loved her. for the next week up until now.my mind has been .....lets just sleep is only a dream and my heart is so heavy.but i am getting better. my mom n friends have helped me. tillie will always be in my heart. i will get another dog one day.but right now......i cant and i wont.its funny to think little animals are just like us. but better i think. all they know is love and who loves them back.they r family,best friends.they are the most stable love relationship we will ever have.grief is the price we pay when we love someone so much.its just life.ill always love u tillie and ill always remember u.i sleep with her other stuffed toy at night next to my bed and her pictures next to me too.dont forget me....