by Vickie McDonald
My Dear Little Sheba,
I can't believe it's been two months since I last held you in my arms and loved you into Heaven. On that terrible day, I tried to look ahead and believe that my pain would lessen in the days and weeks ahead. Oh, how wrong I was...it never goes away.
I have read the papers and watched the news everyday in amazement that the world has not realized what a loss it suffered when you departed from it. How can the world continue as if nothing happened when, for me, nothing will ever be the same?
How I long to hear your little voice, to feel your little ears and head tucked under my chin, to rub your little belly as you lay in my arms. Selfishly, I long to know the complete, unconditional love and adoration you showed me every day of your life. How blessed I am to have known such love when so many never experience such total bliss.
I have searched unceasingly for the ONE thing that will make me feel better: I have read countless poems and stories; I have kitten and cat jewelry in every shape and size; I have written in a journal to you daily; I visit your "garden" every day; I have placed your pictures around the house so that I can't turn my head without seeing your adorable little face. NOTHING has helped. For there is nothing that can come close to your sweet perfection.
The only thing that has eased my suffering temporarily is, strangely enough, the illness of your sister Isis. I came to realize that I was dwelling so much on your absence that I was ignoring her presence. I hope she'll forgive me for that. For I truly love her also. She's doing better and I thank God for that.
I have prayed every night that you will visit me in my dreams, but you never come. Friends tell me I am looking too hard for you, but they do not understand what comfort and joy a visit from you would bring me. I wish I could feel your presence, but I'm not able to feel anything but the pain of your loss.
I have visited Rainbows Bridge and made several new friends. I like to believe you steered me in the right direction. Thank you, Sweetie.
I know you would never want to upset me so, for your sake, I am working hard to get through this. You were such pure joy, I hate to have to think of you and cry. Mommy is praying that this pain lessens in the days ahead, for I want to be able to think of you as the little clown you could be, instead of always seeing your last days in my mind's eye.
Take care, my little girl. I know you're up there, sleeping on the clouds and dancing on the stars. Your Mommy loves you, my precious little angel. Until we meet again...
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