by Kathy Moore
Please Vicki, just give me a little sign that you made it, that youre okay. I love you so much! You were the very best bullie angel in the world. Just let me know youre alright. As I sat in the car outside the vets office, tears streaming down my face and sobs racking my body, I whispered these words. I just need to know she made it across to the other side and shes okay. She was miserable before she left so I just knew she was probably dancing with joy to be free of that cancer stricken body and I didnt want to interrupt the celebrations going on across the bridge but I had to know shed gotten across okay. I frantically searched my mind thinking of what to ask for as a sign. My dad showed me balloons. My son showed me rainbows. What should I ask Miss Vicki to show me? Keep it simple I told myself. Send her the image in your mind in case she doesnt understand the word. And then from out of the blue I thought A butterfly, Ill ask her to send me a butterfly and before Id given it any more thought I promptly said Vicki Sue Sue, please let mommy know youre okay, please show me a butterfly and then I thought of a beautiful butterfly fluttering along on a beautiful sunshiny summers day. Wait a minute. Its October you fool. Its Colorado and its October. There arent butterflies in Colorado in October. Snow flakes maybe. Butterflies.uh uh. Quickly I corrected my message to Vicki and told her that I knew it was too late in the season for butterflies but Id give it a little more thought and let her know what I wanted the sign to be.
I pulled out of the parking lot at the vets office and headed home in rush hour traffic. I was thinking about what to ask for as a sign when I remembered I had to stop and pick something up for dinner. Then I remembered I was supposed to pick up a movie. I needed to stop and get gas. Did I need laundry detergent or dishwasher soap? Geez, if that stupid guy in the green pick-up would move a little faster we all just might get somewhere.
I cried myself to sleep that night. Miss Vicki Sue Sue always slept right next to me and now theres nothing but emptiness there. I awoke the next morning to emptiness. I wanted so badly to wake up and find out it was all just a bad dream and she really was still here but she wasnt. The other two dogs are anxious for their morning trip outside so I climb out of bed and let them out. While Im up I might as well open the curtains. Its October 18th, it wouldve been my dads 76th birthday but he died last year. Now Vicki Sues died too. I climb back into bed and sit there, numb. Shes not here. Shes gone. Forever. I know Ill see her again someday but right now, the hurt is so raw, the loss so new, I cant think that far ahead yet. Joys awake now and asking how Im doing. Miserable I say. She asks how I slept. Lousy I say. Its a beautiful fall day she says, glancing out the window. Yea, its beautiful alright but theres no Vicki Sue to enjoy it I say. What would you like to do today? Its the weekend, lets get out and do something she says. As Im turning ideas over in my mind something catches my eye out the window. My heart leaps my mind races. I nearly jump out of bed with excitement. A little white butterfly is dancing across the yard. Up and down, left and right, joyfully zigzagging its way across the yard. Tears are streaming down my checks as I laugh out loud. Shes okay!! My Vicki Sues okay!! She made it across and shes okay!! I shout. Whats okay? Joy asks. By the time Id gotten home last night Id forgotten about my little request for a sign so she has no idea what Im talking about. I go on to explain as we watch the butterfly disappear over the fence.
Yes, my most precious Vicki Sue Sue has disappeared over the fence that divides this world and the next but shes okay, I know that shes okay and shell be waiting for me when its my turn to cross over. That knowledge gives me tremendous comfort and profound peace. Love does conquer all. My Vicki Sue Sue reached across time and space and gave me what I needed most. If thats not love I dont know what is.
I love you my most precious darling Vicki Sue Sue. Be a good girl, make lots of new friends and have lots and lots of fun and know that Ill keep your memory close in my heart until the day were reunited.