by Sherri Mosley
My sweet Jacob....I miss you so much since you died 3/29/2003. When I woke up to hear your coughing and breathing, I got you to the doctor in just under 12 minutes. Mommy still had her pajamas on. No shoes, it was all about getting you help. I could see you could not breathe, although I didn't know why. As you know now, mommy is having a terrible time since your passing. I hear your meow. I see your empty chair. Your bowl is empty. With your brothers and sister here, you might think mommy is okay. But, she's not. You are gone. There is a tremendous emptiness and loneliness. You aren't here to talk to me when I come home from work. You were the talker! Even though mommy took such wonderful care of you....you stayed inside only (sorry for that), you ate science diet, you had checkups, you still weighed 10 pounds. Mommy was just looking at how pretty your coat was in the sunlight that you found in the office. I could never have guessed you were so sick. You never missed a meal until that morning. I didn't know your food was storing in your belly. Mommy saw the x-rays and the doctor says you had at least 3 days worth of food that wasn't passing. You had so many tumors in your lungs, the doctor said he didn't know how you were alive. I didn't know you were fighting so hard. I held you, kissed you, talked to you, and played with you. All the while, you had cancer and were fighting to keep it up. Since you passed, mommy had a pathology test done on you to get very accurate information into why you had to leave us. The news isn't good Jacob. I know that you are in heaven and at rainbows bridge. Please help mommy Jacob. Please pray that our other fur babies-- Jackson, Parker, BooBoo and Jessica don't have the fungal pneumonia you had too. If they do, mommy loses all her children. I only know that it is contagious and I am scared. I need you to make sure that they too, don't come to rainbows bridge. Mommy needs them to help her cope with your death. See, even though mommy found you in that black trash bag some 11 years ago, I saved you of what was sure to be a painful death. Remember how mommy kept you from walking into everything, since those mean people cut your whiskers off.....mommy carried you up and down the stairs until you could get your balance back. I tried to give you much much love and I know I succeeded. But Jacob, mommy couldn't save you this time. If I had known, my gosh, all my money would have went to save you buddy. But, you know the doctor only gave mommy one option. I could take you home last saturday, on oxygen, just to keep you alive overnight. Mommy couldn't do it. I saw your eyes rolling around and your mouth was wide open and foaming. Mommy had to say goodbye right then Jacob. I couldn't see you for one more minute in that shape. The noises you made---they scared me. It was truly horrible. Five hours is all the time that had passed, and you were gone. When you died, you took a piece of me with you. Please pray that your brothers and sister are safe from the fungal pneumonia and histoplasmosis that you had. Mommy cannot lose these babies too. Please watch over them. Well, I will go for now. I want you to know how pretty your urn is. Your body was cremated and mommy picked a cherry wood urn for your ashes. Daddy is going next week to have a brass plate made for it. Mommy bought a Boyd's Bear and a crystal anklet to put around his neck, which hold a single letter-- "J". It's for you buddy. I also got a silk flower to put on top of your urn. It looks pretty. I miss you so much and daddy is so lonesome in his recliner now. We love you and in mommy's heart......you are forever engraved...Kitty kisses and with all my heart and soul, farewell my sweet baby Jacob.
Mommy