by Cindy Ohliger
My dear Calypso has been gone for four weeks, (yesterday), now. I understand that time, DOES help; and it HAS. I thought I was doing ok, but this morning about 5:00am, I was awoke from a deep sleep. I heard her bark. One bark. The way she always did when she wanted something. I was NOT dreaming of anything at the time. Actually, I had hoped that I was waking from a VERY long nightmare, no such luck. I sat up and looked around the room. She wasn't there. Not long after that,I heard her little whistle sound she used to do when she was begging or wanting something. Again, I sat up and looked around. Still, no Calypso. I KNOW I wasn't dreaming. Then a short while later, I began to fall asleep again, and was awakened again by, what felt like warm breath on my face, and as I woke, I realized my face was completely wet with tears. I've had many animals all of my life, and was deeply heart broken by each and every loss, but nothing like this has ever happened to me before. Am I losing it?! I know I REALLY heard those things. Is my heart still longing for her so badly that my mind is playing tricks on me? Could this be happening? This dog to me, was my "Therapy" dog, I called her. She got me through some of the hardest times I'm sure I'll ever have to deal with for the rest of my life. She was my constant companion. Now. I feel so alone without her. Could she have been sending me a message saying she made it to the end of her journey, and that everything is ok with her, and she was just letting me know all of this, and that she's really still there? I thought that she was going to wait for me and and that we were going to cross the bridge together. I miss her soooo much. I'd give anything just to have her back for just a short time. I keep telling myself that she's no longer suffering. It doesn't seem to help. My heart is still breaking without her here. I've heard that there's some sort of theory regarding a special animal that one may have in his/her life. One that stands out in your mind and in your heart more so than any other animal that one has loved and lost. A friend told me that she has heard of this too, and thought that it was called something like "brown dog theory", or something similar to that. Has anyone ever heard of this? I just miss her so much, it feels good to let all of this spill out. Many people I know just wouldn't understand if I told them all of this. Thank you for reading this. My heart feels so empty. I recently said to somebody that really doesn't understand; and if I hear one more time,"IT was only a dog!", I'm going to scream. I said, the day that I stop crying over an animal that I have loved and lost, is the day that I stop living. She just couldn't understand this for the life of her. I feel sorry for her!