by Gail Rainey
Jesse was my baby girl. Born in my backyard on March 19, 1998. She was nicknamed feisty by my neighbor girls... and feisty she was. She loved to pounce and to play, to ride around on my wheelchair handle bars. In the space of two and a half years, Jesse taught me the true meaning of unconditional love. Just two nights ago, I had to return that love, by helping her to go to the bridge.
She came down with Chylothorax, a very horrible disease of the lymph gland system that made it impossible for her to breathe. Jesse fought so hard to stay with me... taking her medicine and still nuzzling me and loving me and curling up to me every night. But then, just forty-eight hours ago... she was unable to breathe again. It was our sixth trip to the vet in just nine days, and her little face begged me to make it stop hurting.
A good and kind friend told me it was a blessing, the gift we have to stop our little one's from hurting in their final hours. But I know, that this blessing has a double blade. A blade that cuts so very deeply even as I held her and said goodbye as she lay in my lap purring with each ragged breath.
Her doctor, was gentle and loving... he helped her cross the bridge with no pain and with a soft and kind word, even as the tears coursed down my cheeks. She slipped away from me, and I cried, I cried so hard I thought I would never stop. But then, as I held her close to me and rocked her in my arms, I realized that she was not gone. Jesse is still tucked tightly into my heart.
When I found the bridge, and helped create a memorial for my little girl, I realized she is not hurting... she can breathe and play and look down from the edge of the rainbow, loving me still from up above.
I miss you so very much my baby girl. This Christmas, I lie in bed and close my eyes, and I can almost feel you curled up next to me. Merry Christmas my little one, please remember that your Mommy loves you very very much.
Thank you everyone who has written to me, your loving words mean so much... and soothe my aching heart.
~gail