My dearest Soxi…as I write this the sadness begins to well up again even after all this time. It was 1999 when you passed away, even though you were gently put to sleep by the vet I still believe your death was hastened by the disintegration of our family. You died of a broken heart, as each time you saw one of us leave a little piece of your heart would leave with us. It all started when my mum, then myself left Australia. Leaving you with my father with whom you had never really bonded was so hard as I knew he wouldn’t take care of you the way I or my mum could have. If I could have I would have brought you with me overseas but unfortunately I don’t think you would have been happy cooped up in a little European flat after being used to roaming in your very own jungle. You were the quintessential family cat, a gorgeous dark grey tabby with white socks and the most gloriously soft and shiny fur coat. You were such a wonderfully friendly cat; you went up to anyone meowing for attention. You were so trusting, you even made friends with a Dalmatian and her owner that would frequently pass by our house on their way to the park!When I picked you up you would put your paws around my neck and “kiss” me. I had even accustomed you to jumping up into my arms when I patted my chest calling your name! When I came back from Europe I found to my utter shock a skeletal sickly looking cat that in no way resembled the beautiful feline I had left behind three years earlier. I was so angry with my father for not looking after her. I immediately took her to live with me. I took her to a vet to see if anything could be done to help her but the vet sadly shook his head and said that her days were numbered. Apparently it was her kidneys. Too far gone he said. Not long after that I noticed a lump on her throat and saw that she was panting a lot and finding it hard to move. That day I made the hardest decision of my life. As I sat next to her watching her a knot of pain, pity and anger threatened to explode from within me. Anger at my father for letting our beloved Soxi get so sick, pain at seeing a member of our family treated in such a vile manner and pity at watching her suffer. I could not take it anymore I walked, sobbing with her in my arms all the way to the vet, which luckily was only down the road from where I lived. I went in, Soxi so quiet in my arms; I could feel every bone on her tiny skinny frame. She looked at me with such a look of knowing that my heart broke. I felt like her executioner…I felt so guilty!! I was sobbing silently trying to keep some sort of semblance of control in front of the vet. The nurse came in to shave her paw and all the while I cried so hard I could barely breathe. I talked to Soxi telling her that the pain would go away soon and that soon she would be with her sister, Ginger, that I loved her and that I would miss her dearly. We would all miss her. I pictured my mother, who shared a special bond with her also, in my mind so she would see her face as well before she went. As I watched the vet inject her little paw, I saw the light slowly extinguish from her bright yellow-green eyes and close in seeming slumber. She went so quietly, so gently I could almost feel her little soul leave me. Oh God I had never cried so hard in my life! It was as if she heralded the end of an era. As if she was the full stop to the end of the story of our family. I walked home blinded by tears. We buried her beneath the banana trees next to our little creek that crossed our property. My family is scattered to the four corners of the globe now, Soxi was the glue that had kept us together, now that she is gone there is such an empty hole in my life. I have had many cats since she died, each one unique in their own way, but none as special as Soxi. As I write this I cannot prevent the tears welling up again. I hear people say cats are treacherous animals that they are cold and nasty, that they are harmful to newborn children. What rubbish!! All I can say is that they are so wrong!! Cats are wonderful loving creatures smarter than the devil himself, and never cold. They instinctively know when you are sad or even sick. I know this because I have seen it and experienced it many, many times. There is nothing more relaxing or sensuous than to stroke a cat or watch a cat in movement. Cats are poetry, while dogs are prose… Soxi will always live within my memories and especially within my heart.