Baby came to us only about a week after Samantha, our beloved old Siamese, died of old age under the bed in my guest room. Baby was full blooded Siamese but instead of being shorthaired, she had longish fur and a plume tail. We picked her from the litter because of these unusual features. Baby became "my" cat right away. She came into the bathroom with me every morning and insisted on jumping up on my shoulder and laying across it while I petted her and she purred loudly. She demanded affection frequently and was dog-like in her devotion to me. When I was sick, she would stay on my bed and not leave until I got up first and showed her I was OK. About two years after Baby came to us, we got Beezie, a little Himalayan kitten. Beezie captured my heart and poor Baby began to come in second. Over the next 15 years, Baby seemed to always take a back seat to Beezie and her devotion and unconditional love was not returned as much as it should have been, About 3 months ago we noticed she was getting thinner and didn't look well. A trip to the Vet confirmed she had kidney disease and at 17, didn't have long to live. We got her treatment that restored her temporarily, and I tried to give her more love and attention, knowing she wouldn't be with us long. My dear, sweet, devoted friend slept at my side every night, and purred her little heart out every time I would pick her up and pet her. She tried so hard and valiantly to stay with me, but yesterday it became clear she was losing her battle. A trip to the Vet confirmed this, and my wonderful lady Vet said it was time. I held her as the shot went into her leg. She let out one huge Siamese rebel yell, and then went limp. I picked her up and put her back into her carrier. I took her home, tears streaming down my face as I told her how sorry I was for not having spent equal time with her, and for having to be the one to decide that she needed to be freed of her earthly bounds. At home I put her on a towel and brushed her so she would look pretty. Then I folded the towel around her and placed her into a waiting box. My husband dug a deep hole, and I placed the box into the hole and said goodbye to Baby. I needed to be the one to shovel the dirt into the hole. We filled the hole in the earth, but the hole in my heart is still empty and raw. Beezie is still with us, but I know I will have to do this again in a couple of years. My almost year-old Persian kitten, Misty, is laying across my lap as I write this, and I know with all my heart that you can love many cats in a lifetime, as I have and always will, but you can never replace one, ever. Sweet Baby, I look forward to joining you at the Rainbow Bridge one day, and I only hope you knew that I did love you very much and I miss your Siamese howl very much. You left me with a lesson though. I will never take any of my "babies" for granted. I will give them all equal time and love, and hopefully won't have this horrible guilty feeling when the next one joins you at the Rainbow Bridge. I miss you, sweet Baby. Mom