by Lily W
This big, beautiful cat that looked like a Maine Coon took up residence in our tiny back yard more than 13 years ago. He was terrified of people, but it was also evident that he desperately wanted a friend. I fed him and built him a shelter from the rain, and talked to him through the window every day. But it was 8 months before I could touch him. After he moved in with us, he refused ever to go outside again.
He has been the sweetest, most wonderful magnificant cat in the world. Every night he slept on my pillow and in the morning my husband would wake up and see me with my arm around Fraidycat. Fraidy made friends with the other dogs and cats that joined our family, but he never lost his fear of other people.
He was always perfectly healthy until about 2 months ago. He began losing weight. His blood tests were normal, but he refused food and water. I had to put a chair next to the bed because he was too weak to jump all the way up. I kept him hydrated by injecting fluids that I got from the vet. But, for a cat almost 17 that was terrified of new places and people, ongoing tests and/or treatments were out of the question.
On Friday the 13th, I took him to the vet one last time. I requested a sedative that I could give him before we came in so he could be relaxed instead of terrorized. In the pouring rain, I drove slowly with my beloved cat resting in my lap. My beautiful kitty had dwindled from 18 pounds down to 9 pounds and was a pitifully light armload to carry in. I held him in my arms as he breathed his last, and send a message to my beloved kitties that went before to come and meet him and escort him to Rainbow Bridge.
Although my pain is dreadful, I know that he is no longer in pain. And, more importantly, I know that he is no longer afraid. He is frisky and playful and chasing butterflies in the sunshine. He is in the company of my other kitties and doggies that are all waiting for me.
But how do I bear the immediate pain of missing his rumbling purr, rubbing his nose in my face, and the joy of gazing at his beautiful self?