by ed beaver
Jake’s Resignation
Jake went away today.
It isn’t like he came up and said, “Ed, I have a new master and he needs me to move to Maine. It will be a good move and I will have a better place to live up in the mountains and all. I am sure you will understand and make the transition without complaint. Thanks”. He didn’t discuss it with Margaret and then expect me to go along to a new place and leave my comforts of established territory and familiar surroundings for places that were completely foreign and loud and dirty and noisy.
No, he just limped a bit. Then he limped a bit more until I finally noticed that he was not getting up like he used to. I noticed he was losing weight. I talked to Margaret who was also aware about the changes, but as a nurse, maybe afraid to face the signs something was not right.
Of course, Margaret took my comment as a command and immediately researched veterinarians. To our relief, the “vet” prescribed aspirin. Maybe because he was too busy, or had a bad day, or because he was so used to seeing animals in trouble, he misdiagnosed the ailment that was hurtling my most beloved friend towards a very painful change in his short life. I understand that we sometimes are so self-concerned we do not give importance to the things that so wrenchingly affect other peoples lives. I have done it myself. Of course, I have had deep remorse when realizing I had miscalculated the severity or selfishly ignored a situation involving someone else’s most precious feelings. Okay, maybe not always, but I would have this time, wouldn’t I? I am sure the “vet” will call to apologize when he realizes that his diagnosis of arthritis was actually a very painful bone cancer. If not, maybe Jake can go over there and share his grief and pain with this “vet” by clamping down on his shoulder with his powerful jaws so the vet will get a sense of what bone cancer can do. A good lesson? Maybe.
Upon realizing that Jake was not responding, Margaret, who has assumed the role of making my life simple and elegant and is very good at it, found another veterinarian. It took this person about 10 minutes to diagnose the problem and about two hours to confirm Jake had bone cancer in his shoulder. She was not having a good day either. She had to tell two strangers that a very integral part of their hearts would now be removed away quite rapidly. Jake had less than six months to live at best. She was not too busy or harried to take the time to soothe a crying stranger in her office or a crying stranger over the telephone. She offered counseling and hope in that he could be around awhile before he became incapacitated. Her kindness made a difference, as kindness always does.
Now what. Margaret and I are about to have something akin to open heart surgery without anesthesia we are helpless to do anything about it. What do we do?
Jake had the answer as usual. His response was simple. “When you gotta go, you gotta go”. Amazingly, he still needed to go to the bathroom and for walks and eat and have water and be petted more than any animal I have ever known.
“Dying? I am dying? Of course I am dying! I was dying from the day I was born. Animals die! It is a rule!” exclaimed Jake. “Rin Tin Tin died. Lassie died. Trigger died. What made you think I was going to be different? Now take me for a walk and start grieving. Cry for the loss of an amigo that completely trusted and supported your every decision, some good and some foolish. By the way there is a puppy out there that can help you with this problem. It has new lessons for you to learn. This puppy will help you practice the lessons I taught you. Remember when you were so busy that you didn’t have time to give me the walks I needed? Walk that puppy. It will do you good. Remember when you went out to dinner and had a treat, but hesitated when it came to buying me fresh food because the bargain brand was cheaper? Don’t be cheap with that new pup. Remember the wonderful walks we did have and you spoke to God and I? Remember how we showed you the true power of love? That puppy is going to take you a few steps higher.
Most of all remember how you treated me and loved me on bad days and good days and how I loved you back regardless of the bad day or good day. Do this for Margaret and your new pup. In fact, if you can do this for the whole world, you will have achieved enlightenment and then you can visit me and actually hug me any time you want.
Now, get on with life. You love for me is obvious. I am not mad at you and I wish I could hang around a bit more. This new place seems kind of neat and you seem to be mellowing. But, when you gotta go, you gotta go and my friend, this shoulder is killing me, literally. So do what you have to so I don’t lose my dignity and zest for a good walk. If you have to ritual for me, do so and move on. That new pup is in dire need of a good walk and a Margaret song. I love you. See you on the other side, which, by the way, could be a mountaintop in Maine.”
Ps. Forget the vet. Have you ever had a bad day? Maybe he helps some people.
Jake left us shortly after that. He did so with pride and dignity and a little smile on his face because he knew he had done a great job of being…… the dog.