by scott norton
As I count the hours before I have to take Smokey to the vet I wonder is it thr right thing to do.Is it for me that he will be gone and I will not have to come home from work and clean up after him and watch him grow thinner and his walk get slower, is it so I do not have to watch as my first born boy ,as I always told him, get slower and not stay the big dalmation that he was. Or is it for him, he is not asking me to go to the bridge and leave his sister katie behind or his blanket by the heater at night or he has not told me that it is time to go away and not see me again for maybe many years. He can still get up and play from time to time but it takes alot out of him, he can still lick my hand and bark a big hello when I come home in the morning. Smokey I am sorry for not being with you tonight but daddy is not strong enough to hold you like he held your sister Bugsey when she went to heaven in the same room that you will go tonight, aI am sorry that I will not feel your body in my arms and feel your last breath leave you as you go on from this world but I may want to stop it and try to bring you back, I am sorry I am not with you on your last night home and you have to stay in the basement with your sister on your blanket in the dark, I am sorry for all the times I got mad at you for going on the floor , no matter how much I would yell you would always come back and lick me again, I am sorry that as you got older we did not play as much.
Thank you for being you , thank you for barking when mom and I came to get you at the awa , if you did not bark we would have gotten a different dog, thank you for being the best big brother to Katie, even though she is a lab you to are brother and sister, thank you for being so calm with Brianna, she will miss you as only a six year old can, thank you for taking care of mommy when I worked at night, and riding in the truck with me from time to time.You always hated going to see dr. Heller and tonight will be your last time, you will be free after that. I held you all day today and let you lie next to me on the bed and I still can not say that this is right for me but I guess it is right for you. Mommy will take you in and when it is over come out with just your collar and she will find me crying in the truck but betweeen the tears I hope I see a star in the sky that is you going to the bridge where you will wait for me...boy does my heart hurt