by arthur woods
High school graduation for most are joyous occassion but for me high school graduation was somewhat a mixed bag of happpiness and deep sadness. I lost my BEST friend, Buttons (affectionately called "Buddies" by me), the same week of my high school graduation. He looked just like Lassie (in fact everyone use to call Lassie). My life took a terrible turn though on the day he had to be put to sleep. Life just hasn't been the same without him, and quiet frankly I haven't been to particular about seeing another sunrise or sunset since that sad day back in May 1979. Although I am 41 years old now, there have been very people the come remotely close to replacing you. Frankly there will nor can neevr be another person to replace "Buddies". He was my second mother, the father I never had, the grandfather and grandmother I never had, the favorite aunt and uncle I never had, my older and younger "studely and athletic" brothers I never had, the "drop dead gorgeous sexy" sisters I never had. You were truly my BEST friend. True he didn't put a roof over my head, food in my mouth, or clothes on my back but he gave me so much more. I remember the first day "Buddies" arrived at home as a little ball of fur. It was early spring, I was in kindergarten and sort of afraid of "Buddies" then. "Buddies" rode home on my mother's shoulder, wiggling and squirming all the way home as my mother tried to drive. He was full of energy. Although I have never had the experience of knowing or seeing my mother arrive home with a newborn infant brother or sister, I had the next thing, I had Buddies. Over the years he played with me when others would not, were to busy, or simply didn't want to be bothered. He protected me from neighborhood bullies and made sure most evenings when I went to sleep that I safely entered into "Never Never Land" and had nothing but plesant dreams as he curled up on my bed at the foot. He dared even the slightest nightmare to step into my night and interupt my sleep. He saw me off to school, and welcomed me home in the afternoon when I came home to a empty and lonely house. I was overweight as a kid, but he didn't care, he still loved and liked me. I wasn't the most popular kid in the neighborhood, to Buddies I was a childhood movies star. Through the years he made all my birthday parties and when all the guess left we would sneak off and have cake and ice cream together. Oddly enough my birthday is in March, his was in April. At Easter, I never cared much for the black jellies beans but he loved them as well as the rest of the treats in my Easter basket (except the boiled eggs!), boy if my mother only knew! We shared barbeque (he loved the bones!) and hamburgers during the summers when my mother would cook on the grill. Although he didn't care much for tomatoes, when I would sneak my plate down on the floor to share he gladly licked my plate clean sometimes even taking the parts of the meals I wanted. He soon taught me before putting my plate on the floor to share to make sure I had my fill for that meal, because if I didn't to bad! Once Buddies got done, the plate got as clean as if my mother had just washed it. I remember when I fell off the swing set and need to get stitches in my forehead and came home from the hospital with all the bandages, we sat on the front steps of the house and ate almost a whole box of graham crackers together. In fact there was not a scrape or bruise that I got as a child that he didn't have to or want to investigate and "kiss". It's one thing for your mother it kiss yor scrape or bruise but when "Buddies" kissed mine it was like no other pain medicine in the world could alievate and it felt so good. I knew once Buddies kissed my sores there was nothing no other doctor or nurse in the world could for me because the BEST doctor and nurse had just given me the best remedy. "Buddies" had the looks and attitude I could only wish for in this life time and pray for in the next. The winter snows will always hold a special place in heart, I remember we use to play outside in the snow. In the fall we use to play in the leaves that had fallen. He hate to get a bath. When it rained while mother wanted me to come inside Buddies had no problem walking, running, and playing the rain. He loved for me to dry him when he got wet from the rain. I can remember him almost soaking me when he would shake even after I tried dry him off with a towel (sorry mom about your good bathroom towels, but they were used for good reason). Buddies loved me not for how big my wallet was (i just a kid, my wallet was very small), he didn't love me because I was good looking (I wasn't all that good looking as a kid or even now), he didn't love me because I brought him expensive gifts (a bone at Christmas from the meat department from the grocery store was just fine, along with the breakfasts, lunches, and dinners I let him lick my plate after), he didn't love me because I was famous, Buddies loved me because we became best friends. If I never have another friend in this life time I can certainly day I had the BEST one anybody could have, I had Buddies. When I was "down" he brought me "up". Buddies didn't have to ASK what was wrong, if I was sick, mad, depressed about something, he knew me and would alway ask ".......WHY are you letting.... get you down". When I needed someone to talk to and understand me, he always was there. In those times was wrong he definitely let me know. I will never forget the way the door to my bedroom would almost closed at night as I studied at night. He would peek in to see if I was OK and see if I had gone to sleep yet. In those moments I doubt if I "could", he knew I "would". So many times in life I felt the world was against me and the cold harsh winds of adversity were blowing in my face, but there was a warmth I felt on my back and I just knew it was him. In those times my self asteem was really low and I really doubted if I "would" and I looked back to see if this warm feeling at my back was him, I always looked back to see him and seemed to ask me "do you really think I would stand by and let anyone hurt you or let you fail, go for it man! I'm here! You can and will make it!". He was always there to massage the heart ache that others had inflected (boy oh boy were there numerous times that happened). He was the brother and sister I neveer had but had come to feel very comfortable telling most initimate secrets to. I shared parts of my life, feelings, thoughts with him that would not and have not share with anyone. I miss Buddies desperately! I know now why God has taken him from me, we were simply to close. Buddies was my God, father, mother, sister, brother, grandmother, grandfather, aunt, uncle, and BEST friend all rolled up in one. It hurts when you lose any of the latter people in your life but when God removes all these from your life all at once it VERY painful. I learned early in science class that the human heart is composed of 4 chambers, not mine. I only have 3 chambers now, one is permanently closed and houses Buddies. While no one fully understand the impact of our relation that is fine with me, Buddies does, and that is all I really care about at this point. If I had the courage, suicide seem the best way to deal with his departure. Although my arms are way to short to "box" with God, I can't say that I can't forgive God for taking him, but I can say I will never forget Buddies. I simply do not know who I would be, where I would be, how I would be, if it were not for this guy stepping into my life at a time when family and relatives really had better things to do. Occassionally I hear songs on the radio with words and sentiments that would have said exactly what and how I would have told him just how much he meant to me. As time goes by, as I continue to witness more sunrises and sunsets without him it gets harder. I have heard the old saying "it is better to love and lost than never to have loved at all". Boy when you lose someone you really love and they returned love you the hurt and pain at times is almost unbearable. There arevery few days that past that I do not think about him. I have incorporated his name in almost every computer pasword I have had. I would probably NEVER this way again. Not even my first born child will take his place. I guess the one thing Buddies has taught me about life in general is that we all should try to love and care about each other or someone because tommorrow may be late. I will never forget Buddies. I only hope before I take my last breath on earth that I pay homage to Buddies. He was the love of mylife, and I constantly pray and ask him to ask God on my behalf if God will have mercury on me doing my last days here on earth. It seems God has a way of taking most of the good people off the face of the earth (Mother Theresa, Martin Luther King, Princess Diana, John F. Kennedy). Hopefully Buddies is looking down on me. I hope he can not see the tears or the pain, I wouold like for him to know life just has not been the same since God took him from me. Buddies has affected me, and continues to affect me in more ways than I think he realized. You never know much you miss someone until they are gone. I know it was not Buddies choice nor decision for us to be apart now. I pray God has had mecury on Buddies and he is sitting up high looking low, that he is being my guardian angel. In my next life I hope we can do it again. In the meantime, until I depart from this earth I will never have a Buddy like the "Buddies" who came into my life and continues to be a part of my life. Love ya Buddies, still!