5.21.14 I am heartbroken. Tyler was such a very good boy, so sweet, loving, affectionate, gentle. I will miss that adorable face looking up at me every day. To walk in here this evening and not be greeted by him was more than I could bear. The emptiness is horrible. The silence is deafening. No snoring from my sweet boy. No collar tags jingling. No request to go outside. This will be horrible day after day. I miss him so much already. The vet allowed me to stay with him for more than two hours afterward. I sat on the floor with him, petting him, stroking his fur, kissing him, hugging him, talking to him, and crying my eyes out. I prepared myself for this because I knew it was coming, but you're never really prepared once the time comes. A friend of mine came with me to be supportive and to cry with me. I miss my furry best friend so much. He was a constant in my life amidst all of this upheaval of job losses, financial ruin, and loss of my home. He was there for me to make me smile every single day. He didn't understand why we had to move here, but he was by my side through it all. He was my rock, my reason for coming home and smiling every day. My reason for laughter and love. Today he kept watching me and didn't understand why I kept crying so much. We sat outside in the sunshine, which he loved to do, and he enjoyed the grass and trees and birds. He had loads of snacks of cookies and carrots and a nice big lunch and a big bowl of water. And he looked up at me with such concern that I could almost hear him thinking "mommy, why are you crying?". Now he knows why. And now his spirit sees me crying buckets of tears for him. I love my dog so very much. My heart has been cut right out of my chest. That great big furry bundle of love was my heart and soul. I will miss him forever. My little sidekick and partner.|
5.22.14 My boy's cremains are back home with me now. I held his paw and petted him while I was driving down to the crematory. I spent some time with him before the cremation. Hartsdale lays a satin pillow under his head, and then the body is covered with satin. It's very peaceful and tasteful. I took a photo on my cell phone. I spent some time with him talking to him, kissing him, petting him, stroking his soft ears, muzzle and chin. Smelling his familiar scent for the last time. He actually looked at peace. His face was relaxed. I said my goodbyes and I love you about four hundred times. I watched them put him into the cremation chamber. My beautiful dog. I always wanted him to be happy and know he was very loved. I miss him immensely.
I keep looking for him. When I turn around, I expect him to be standing there. I turn around to talk to him out of habit and then I get upset because he isn't here. This is going to take some time for me to feel better. I knew this was coming because I knew his arthritis would get very bad, so I was expecting it and preparing myself, but I was hoping for one more summer with him to sit outside in the grass and watch the birds. He loved sitting outside and looking around, enjoying the sunshine. He enjoyed communing with nature.
Rest in peace, sweet baby. I love you with every beat of my heart.
5.28.14: "Those who love each other are always connected by a very special invisible string, made of love. Even though you can't see it with your eyes, you can feel it deep in your heart, and know that you are always connected to the ones you love." This string reaches far beyond the grave, into the Heavens, where the angels watch over our departed until we can be together again. My feet are planted on the earth, but my heart has traveled elsewhere, too many times to count, beyond where we can see with our earthly eyes, to the place where God resides. May my family members, dear friends, and beloved pets wait for me there. May their angels watch over them with care and love. Oh what a grand reunion there will be when I arrive at Heaven's Gate, to be greeted with wagging tails, smiles and loving embraces. For now, I must stay behind until God calls me home, in His own time, for He is not yet finished with me. Rest in eternal peace, my darling loved ones. You are in my heart forevermore. I love you all infinitely, with every beat of my grieving heart. God's speed.
Oh, Tyler, I pray every day that St. Francis and your angels will hold you in their arms, comfort you, and carry you safely and swiftly into Heaven. May you rest there with my family and my other dogs until I can be with you again. I miss you so much. May your spirit fly free and may you once again run like the wind. Rest in peace, my sweet boy. I love you with every beat of my heart.
8.23.14: Hi Tyler. I came to visit your memorial page tonight. I still hug and kiss your ashes every day and I hope that you can feel my hugs and kisses and hear my voice when I talk to you. I'm growing stronger, but I still miss you so much and I still cry. I smile at the happy memories we shared. When I take my walk, I imagine you are there beside me and I reach down to pet you and imagine that you are looking up into my eyes, the way you always did. Every day I stop to look at the rainbow in the fountain and I send a wish that the rainbow will carry my heart to yours in Heaven. One day last week "our" rainbow was much longer than usual - it reached from the water way up into the sky. I miss you so much, my sweet baby boy. You would have turned 12 years old this month. How I miss giving you your snack of carrots, which you enjoyed so much. I miss sharing turkey and chicken with you. I miss sitting on the floor and holding you while you snuggled your head on my shoulder. I miss everything about you. I miss our walks. I miss YOU - so very much. I wish I could put my arms around you and give you a big hug and kiss. I wish I could hold your face in my hands and look into your eyes. Rest in Peace, Tyler -- rest in the angel's arms and God's Love. May St. Francis and your angels carry you safely and swiftly into the Light of God's Presence. I pray you will wait for me with my family and my other dogs until I can be with you again. Always remember how much I love you. I love you infinitely.
11.14.14: Hi sweet boy. Everything I do reminds me of you. I miss you so very much. I would love to put my arms around you again, give you a big hug, and kiss your handsome face, inhale your scent. I miss you every minute of every day and night. Mama loves you so much. Rest in peace, sweet pea.
12.29.14: Merry Christmas in Heaven, Tyler. I missed buying you your usual load of Christmas gifts. It's not the same without you and I miss you terribly. My arms long to hold you again, my heart cries out to your soul. I love you with every beat of my heart. Rest in peace, sweet boy. Yesterday was Liberty's anniversary in Heaven -- I hope you have met her and my other dogs -- and that you spent the day together playing and enjoying running through the clouds. I think of all of you up there waiting for me, watching over me, your souls close to mine. I long to see all of you again. Be at peace until my day comes to join you. I love you.
Born in August 2002, Tyler was at the New Rochelle Humane Society when he was a little puppy. One of the volunteers adopted him and kept him for six or seven years and when she got divorced, returned him to the shelter. Tyler was quickly adopted again and returned after just a few months, supposedly following a divorce. That man said he was dropping Tyler off "for a visit" and he would pick him up after he ran some errands, but the man never came back. Poor Tyler was abandoned once again and he just wanted a home of his own where he would be loved and cherished.
When I first met Tyler, he looked up into my eyes, jumped up on the bench I was sitting on, and snuggled his head into my shoulder and neck and sat there calmly while I put my arms around him, held him, kissed him, and talked quietly to him. He was so sweet and gentle. The shelter volunteer told me his story and I returned a few times to walk Tyler, and play fetch with him. I am of the opinion that a dog should feel safe and comfortable with a person, so I take my time and make a few visits before adopting a dog. He was always happy to see me when I came to his kennel and put a leash on him. We would walk around the grounds and then go into the pen so I could throw his tennis ball over and over and over again. That was his favorite thing !! The shelter volunteer told me I could buy this dog a can of tennis balls and he would be content, but I already had a roomful of stuffed dog toys at home in the dogs' room, which Tyler would soon inhabit.
After a few visits I reached the point where I couldn't bear to leave Tyler behind another day, so I told the shelter I was definitely going to adopt him.
I had my own home and one room that was for the dogs I have raised over the years. The room had many stuffed animal dog toys, rawhide, tennis balls, dog puzzles, two great big L.L. Bean dog beds, and a crate with a soft bed. I also had dog beds in my bedroom, the living room, and the sunroom so my dogs could be comfortable everywhere.
Tyler sniffed every corner of the house and yard and made himself at home immediately. I had opened a fresh can of tennis balls for him and we played fetch in the yard and quickly became close friends. Tyler slept on my bed at night with me, until it got too warm and then he would jump down and sleep on his own bed.
My mother lived upstairs and she would babysit him when I went to work during the day. She would sit out in the backyard with him, throw his tennis ball, freshen his water, spend time with him. They were good company for each other. Life was good.
Sad and difficult times came upon us when my mother was conned out of her life savings and had no money left, which put pressure on me to carry the house on just my salary. Things became very difficult. My mother was diagnosed with dementia soon after and she needed to go into a nursing home for her own safety. Then I lost my job and went through my savings to keep the house, until eventually I too had nothing left and was forced to sell the house. I had to find a place that would take a big dog who was also a pit mix, which is how I ended up here.
Tyler was sad watching everything packed up in the house, watching many things be taken away because I did not have room for everything in the new condo. Sixty-five years in the family home that my grandparents had built. But I reassured Tyler every day and included him in whatever I was doing, reassuring him while I was packing things, and spending lots of time playing with him in the backyard with his beloved tennis ball, and making sure he was happy and safe. I absolutely believe that dogs understand what is going on and what we say to them. I've talked to every one of my dogs over the years and they have all been very close companions, intelligent, and loyal to their last breath.
Tyler was a very loyal, devoted dog. He was very sweet and gentle. He was also a lot of fun. He showed me all of the wonderful things he already knew such as roll over, high five, high ten, shake a paw, speak, down, sit. He loved baby carrots for a snack every day. He loved a Greenie in the morning, and a veggie dent after his evening meal. He enjoyed Buddy Biscuits and Get Naked sticks. He loved people. He sat very politely when greeting anyone and he would look into their eyes.
After my mother went into the nursing home, and while I was still at my job, I hired a sitter to come at lunchtime to let Tyler out and give him his carrots, and his sitter adored him. They had a great time together, and Fred would buy Tyler two bags of baby carrots and biscuits every once in a while, just for a gift.
My next door neighbor Barbara also loved Tyler and his wonderfully sweet personality very much. She would talk to him at the fence, and she would come in the evening sometimes to throw his tennis ball for him. She loved how if I turned my index finger in a small circle, it was Tyler's queue to roll over. I showed her how to give the signal and she had fun with that.
When the sad day came to leave our house and yard, Tyler and I had to stay in a hotel for five days until the closing on our condo. He slept up on the king-sized bed with me in the hotel room. We took walks around the area, as well as car rides. Tyler loved to ride in the car !! We would sit quietly and politely in the back seat and look out the windows at everything around him, barking if we passed a dog, or sometimes I would catch him watching me with so much love in his eyes.
Tyler had a hard time adjusting to condo life. He no longer had his big fenced-in backyard to run in. We took long leash walks on the trails here and he enjoyed that, but we had to toss his tennis ball inside because there was no where to let him run. He was also insecure being here. It took him about three or four months before I could finally leave him alone to go to the supermarket. I was very patient with him while he made his necessary adjustment.
I found a part-time job and hired a sitter to come in to give Tyler his lunch (carrots), and take him outside. His sitter, James, fell madly in love with Tyler and called him "Mr. Handsome". He said that Tyler is adorable. He used to leave me notes on his visit and there was so much love the way he spoke of Tyler. And Tyler loved him too !!
Tyler had been very healthy all of his life, but at age 11 1/2 he began to show progression in arthritis, as well as having some internal problems. I called my animal communicator and she communicated with Tyler and also did a soul recovery for him. Since he had been in three different homes, and then the loss of our home, he was confused and upset, so I had her work with him. She also told me that he was not feeling well, that his body wasn't working right. This was in January 2014.
The soul recovery made a positive difference in Tyler, and he perked up, his eyes brightened, he smiled more, and he was happy. His arthritis made our walks shorter and shorter as it progressed. He would fall sometimes. Other times he would go only far enough to do business and then he wanted to come back inside again. In the warmer weather, I would take a chair and we would sit out in the grass and he would watch the birds and enjoy the sunshine. He loved to commune with nature.
Whether walking, sitting outside, or inside the house, Tyler would check in with me often. He would look up into my eyes and I would speak to him of many things and he would listen. I loved to get down on the floor with him and hug him, pet him, talk to him, kiss him. He had a favorite CD that he would listen to every morning. It was very relaxing for him. It is soft music and whenever I put it on, Tyler would look at where the music was coming from and lie down in his place, close to the music, and close his eyes.
Tyler had many stuffed animals which he carried around, some in the living room, some in my room, some in his room. He had the run of the house. He was always very polite. When we came inside from a walk, he went to a rug near the front door and sat down waiting to be dried off or have his paws wiped. He didn't like the cold weather, so I bought him a purple coat, and he would get excited when I picked it up to put it on him. He loved wearing his coat !!
He loved a bath. He would close his eyes as the warm water was poured over him, and he thoroughly enjoyed being shampooed and massaged.
Tyler had two things that really bothered him for reasons I couldn't figure out -- Cardinals and Geese. For some reason, the chip of a cardinal or the honk of geese set him off barking wildly. He would get so mad at the sounds. I never knew why.
When he had his backyard, he would happily chase the squirrels and chipmunks around the yard. He would lie in the sunshine and watch the birds, always with his beloved tennis ball between his paws.
Tyler's health began to go downhill in early 2014. He was falling, he was dropping poop, he was sleeping more, decreased appetite, had decreasing interest in walking any further than he needed to. I took him to the vet in May 2014 when I was seeing things that were troubling me. The vet gave him a very thorough exam and said that Tyler had lost the connection from his spinal cord to his brain. Internal organs were diseased and failing, he had cancer, he was falling down more and more, liver and pancreas were diseased, etc. There was a lot all at once with him and after tearful discussions with his veterinarian, the awful decision was made to let him go peacefully.
Tyler left this life May 20, 2014. His spirit remains around me. I have his cremains in my room. The doctor took an imprint of his paw and clipped some of his hair from around his heart. Tyler was a beautiful champagne color, with a white blaze down his chest. He had an adorable lower lip that stuck out like a pout. It was endearing and everyone who noticed it smiled and said how cute he was. All of his toenails were black except for one white toenail on his hind paw, and the hair around that one white nail was also white. It was an interesting marking.
There were people during his life who saw the breed and were rather hostile about it, but I always told them that Tyler has a nicer personality than they do because he was calm, gentle, and not judgmental. Tyler had a rough start in life, going into different homes and being returned to the shelter, but when we found each other, it was meant to be and we both knew it.
I told him all the time that I was so happy he was my dog. I told him every day how much I loved him. I still hold his cremains in my arms, hug him, and tell him I love him -- every single day.
He was a wonderful dog and lives on in my heart and my memories of him.
I only wish I had found him sooner so that I could have loved him longer.
Tyler was my rock, my reason to smile. Rest in peace my darling boy. I will love you until the end of time.
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