As you know, your brother Polo went to the bridge not long ago, and I hope he and Onyx met you there, and maybe your cousins Lucky and Comet too. If you've visited us yet, you know that your brother Gremlin is not doing well since you left----he misses you terribly and has been walking around in circles looking for you in all your hiding spots and outside in the pens. He also hasn't been eating well. No matter how I try to comfort him, he is still so depressed. So please,,if you can visit and comfort him, and let him know you're alright, it would really help him. Sometimes when he looks at me, I feel he blames me,,,and it breaks my heart all over again. Please let him know that it was something I had to do to help you, and that I love all of you with all my heart. And your mom is so sad also,,,just looking into my eyes as if to ask 'why',,,, please help her to understand as well. Oh Asia,,,,how much I miss you.

You started your life with me when I rescued your mom from a dumpster, and didn't know she was pregnant. When she started gaining weight sideways, I took her to the vet and they told me the news, and said they could abort her pregnancy---I said No Way--I could never do that. She then gave me four little boys, one of which was you. You guys were born in my bedroom at the farm, and then I brought you over to my house here. Two black long haired boys, Onxy and Polo, and two bookends--short haired and sleek--you and Gremlin, exactly the same body types, just different colors. You guys were so funny together, but all different personalities. I am so glad I did not let the vet do what they wanted, as all you guys are such a blessing, and how many smiles and laughs you gave me through the years. Through all the hard times I've been going through trying to save the house, and my health issues, you guys are the only reason I keep fighting---you all give me love and purpose for every minute of every day. It is always so difficult when I lose any of you, and so, so hard to not focus on the bad days, and the last day,,,,but I have to do my best to honor the life you led, and the love and laughs you gave me for so many years. And I hope you felt safe, secure, happy, and loved here as well.

Asia, my sweet, sweet boy,,,,you will forever be in my heart, and I will love and miss you always.

10/18/19: My baby boy,,,,today I took you for your cremation service. I apologize for having to run you back and forth because of that bad lady--we had an appointment and she got too busy and lied and said we didn't have one--after using her three times previously---how horrible that was. It was all I could do to pack you back up and drive out of there, trying to keep myself together and not crash. We then had to come back home so I could look up other places, because the other one I had used in the past didn't have any openings until Mon, and I was not about to let you wait that long. I was so fortunate to find a lady that said we could come right away, and we drove the 40 min to her. It was such a beautiful place, and they were so kind and gentle with both you and me, and it was a beautiful service for you.

During your service, I found out from the lady that you also had two tumors,,,oh how sad that made me, but also made me realize that no matter how hard me and you fought, we wouldn't have been able to keep you here, and also explained why you crashed so quickly. Cancer took my own dad very quickly, and it is a horrible disease. I'm so sorry that happened to you, and I can only pray you weren't in pain very long.

I brought you home and set up your memorial, and put on your candle. I asked God to protect and keep you and make you well again. I can only have faith that you are back to your old self, eating, playing, and running. And I hope Polo and Onyx are with you to comfort you. I love and miss you so much baby,,,,Love and Light,,,mommy XOXOXOXOXOX

If it should be that I grow frail and weak,
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then will you do what must be done?
For this--the last battle--cannot be won.

You will be sad, I understand,
But don't let grief then stay your hand.
For on this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship must stand the test.
We have had so many happy years;
Please see my need through all your tears.
You wouldn't want me to suffer so.
When the time comes, please let me go.

I know that now my needs you'll tend,
And stay with me until the end.
Hold me firm and speak to me,
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you will agree,
It is a kindness you do for me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering, I have been saved.

Do not grieve that it must be you
Who has to decide this thing to do.
We have been so close, we two, these years,
Please don't let your heart hold any tears.

Would you know my name, if I saw you in Heaven.
Would it be the same, if I saw you in Heaven.
I must be strong, and carry on, 'cause I know I don't belong here in Heaven.

Would you hold my hand, if I saw you in Heaven.
Would you help me stand, if I saw you in Heaven.
I'll find my way, through night and day, 'cause I know I just can't stay here in Heaven.

Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees
Time can break your heart, have you begging please,,,begging please

Beyond the door, there's peace I'm sure
And I know there'll be no more tears in Heaven

Would you know my name, if I saw you in Heaven
Would it be the same, if I saw you in Heaven
I must be strong, and carry on, 'cause I know I don't belong here in Heaven

'Cause I know I don't belong here in Heaven,,,,,,

10/22/19: Hi my baby boy,,,, I still see your face sitting on the shelf looking in the door at feeding time, and still hear your meows,,,, I hope you know how much I love you and always will. Your brother Gremlin is still a mess,,,so sad and lonely without you,,, please try to comfort him if you can. Although he has his mom with him, you were his playmate and he is missing you terribly, and I'm sure you miss him as well. Please tell him he needs to keep eating, as I'm so worried he's going to make himself sick, and as you know he's not easy to syringe feed. He loves you so much, and needs to know you are okay. I'm doing my best to comfort him, but it's you he needs right now. He had such a hard time when Polo left, but now all his brothers are gone, and you were his favorite playmate. So my heart breaks in many ways for many reasons,,,but I can only hope you are okay, and take some comfort knowing you are not suffering any longer. I love and miss you so much baby boy,,,,Love and light,,,,XOXOXOXOXOXOX

11/2/19: Oh Asia,,,how hard it's been since you had to go. I've been such a mess, with losing you and all of you so close together lately,,,it took the past 2 weeks to barely catch my breath. Each morning and night, I kept putting your dish out with the others at feeding time, and kept turning around to see if you were sitting on the shelf tapping at the door because I didn't hear your meow,,,oh how I miss that so, so much,,,how cute you were. I would also keep going to the drawer to get your meds,,,I just haven't had the heart to throw them out,,,,I so hope your brothers Polo and Onyx met you, and Lucky and Comet and all your cousins, and that you're all okay now. Your brother Gremlin has really taken this very, very hard,,,I know he was still grieving, as you were, from losing Polo, but you were his 'play tag' buddy and he's a wreck without you,,,sometimes not eating, and just keeps looking at me as if to say 'okay, when is he coming back?',,,it completely tears my heart out, as I have no way to explain to him why this happened. So please, come and comfort him when you're able and bring Polo too,,,he really needs you guys right now,,,,and so do I,,,, all you guys are my heart,,,and all of you were so good,,,and you know my favorite saying that I would tell you everyday---"you're all good eggs,,,and I have so many good eggs I have a great omelette"---I love you so much Asia, and miss you even more,,,,hope you are well again and know that I did my best,,,and I hope while you were with me you felt safe, secure, happy, and loved. Til I see you again,,,,,Love and Light baby boy,,,,XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXXXXX

11/23/19: Hi my sweet boy,,,I hope you're not missing me as much as I'm missing you, because boy does it hurt so much,,,, I want to hear you knocking on the slider door again, with your little face peeking around the corner,,and your sweet little meow. I can't stop thinking about what a fighter you were through the past few years, when at times I didn't even know how you were standing up,,,yet you'd be running and jumping up on the high cat poles, and playing 'ambush' with Gremlin,,, and as long as you seemed happy, I would continue the fight with you. In my heart I knew there would come that day,,,but for years you were doing so well, I wasn't prepared at all for how fast you crashed. I still torture myself wondering about all the what ifs,,,,but I have to realize that I was so lucky to have you for all the years that I did, and not focus on those horrible few days at the end. You gave me so many laughs and so much love, and I'm so grateful for that. I hope you've been visiting Gremmie, because he is still so lost,,,the look in his eyes breaks my heart,,,he misses you so, so much baby, and I'm sure you miss him too. Your mom also looks at me with questions in her eyes, as if she's asking 'where did all my boys go?" Her and Gremlin are now starting to sleep in the same areas together, and I do my best to comfort them, but I can't replace the loss they feel. So please come with Polo and visit them and let them know it's okay, and that I did everything I could to make you stay,,, I sometimes feel they blame me somehow, as how could they possibly understand,,,at least with people we can explain things,,,but with you guys we can't, and it hurts so badly. Please baby,,,know how much I miss you and how much I love you and always will. You are forever and ever in my heart. Love and Light my sweet boy,,,,XOXOXOXOXOXOXXX

1/1/2020: Hi baby boy, and Happy New Year. I'm sorry I couldn't come out here for Christmas---I've been very, very sick the past 3 weeks---but as you know, you all had your stockings up and your Christmas lights hung. I can't tell you in words how much I miss you,,,,but my heart bleeds. I love you so much my sweet baby boy,,,,,Love and Light,,XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXXX

10/17/20: Hi my sweet baby boy,,,,today it has been 1 year since you went to the bridge, and it just seems like yesterday. I'm sorry I have not been out here in a while, but this year we are having a pandemic and I've been so depressed and was sick a lot, once with Covid,,so I just didn't have the strength of body or mind to come out here a lot, so please forgive me. Asia, I miss you so much, and Oh how I miss you knocking on the slider door at feeding time, and I still see you there sometimes,,,,and hear your little meow,,, you were so sweet yet so tough in fighting all your issues for so long, and you did so well. As you may know, Gremlin misses you so, so much, still to this day,,,,it worries me many days as he just doesn't seem to have gotten back to his normal self. He misses Polo too, but you were his play buddy, and although China keeps him company, she's not his playmate like you were. I hope you come to visit him once in a while to let him know you are okay, and to maybe play a game with him,,,he really needs to feel you there. I hope you are with Polo and Onyx and are whole and well again,,,,I can only have faith in that, and that you know how much I love you and miss you, my sweet baby boy. You were so energetic and funny, even though you were fighting conditions that had to make you feel horrible at times,,,,you just loved life,,,and I was heartbroken when your sickness started to make you have more bad days than good,,and that last week of terrible,,,, I would've done anything to make it better,,,but it was out of my hands. I hope you still feel the love I have for you, and how much my heart misses you each and every day.
I love you so much Asia baby, and you will always, always, and forever be in my heart. Love and Light my baby boy,,,,,XOXOXOXOXOXOXXX

10/17/21: Hi my sweet Asia,,,,today it has been 2 years since you left,,,it seems I miss you more and more each day. As I wrote to the others, I am no longer going to write a lot of emotional things on your pages, as apparently it gets taken the wrong way by people who read it. So as you know, I just spoke to you, and hopefully you heard me. Also, your mom China went to the bridge in March, and I hope you and your brothers met her there, and that you're all together and well. What a good mommy she was to you guys when you were little, and such a good role model in the later years. I miss her terribly as well, as I do all of you. And just like when you left, Gremlin is a mess. China actually became more of a friend to him when you left, and would sleep next to him and comfort him. But now with all of you gone, he just doesn't know how to cope. And he's fighting some more medical issues as well, so please, come and comfort him when you can. Oh Asia, I hope you always know and feel how much I love and miss you, my sweet, sweet baby boy. Love and Light my angel,,,,XOXOXOXOXOXOXXX

12/25/21: Merry Christmas baby,,,love and miss you always,,,,Love and Light my sweet boy,,,,XOXOXOXOXOXOXXX

7/5/22: Hi my baby,,,,love and miss you always,,,Love and Light sweetie,,XOXOXOXOXOXOXXX

10/17/22: Hi my baby boy,,,,today it has been 3 years since you left. As I hope you heard me, I spoke to you about how I'm feeling,,,oh how I miss you baby. The other day I was walking by the slider doors, and it hit me so hard that you weren't there sitting on the shelf and tapping on the door,,,,you were so funny when you did that and I still to this day miss it so much. You used to watch Lucky sit on that shelf and peek at me at feeding time, and shortly after she left, you claimed the shelf at feeding time and would tap on the door. Since you had to have meds in your food, it worked out well as I would just put your dish there and the others couldn't get to your meds.

I'm so thankful to have had all those years with you, and love you so much for all the laughs and love you gave me. As you know, you are all there now, and the emptiness in the house is deafening,,,I miss you all so, so much. Please know I will always, always, have you in my heart, and will forever miss you. Love and Light my sweet baby boy,,,,XOXOXOXOXOXOXXX

1/1/23: Happy New Year my sweetie,,,,I'm so sorry I couldn't visit your page for Christmas,,,,it was just so painful, as all of you are gone now and it was my first Christmas alone without any of you, and I just couldn't handle it. I did put up lights and your stockings in the sunroom and house, and hope you visited and saw them. I miss you so, so much, and always will. In my heart, forever,,,,,Love and Light my boy,,,XOXOXOXOXOXOXXX

10/17/23: Hi my beautiful boy,,,,today you have been gone 4 years,,,oh how I still miss you every day. I know you are here right now as I'm writing this, and I told you why as I was talking to you (I hope you heard me). I still have not had the heart to take the shelf down by the slider door. Love and miss you so much my little man, and always will. Forever in my heart,,,,Love and Light my baby boy,,,XOXOXOXOXOXOXXX

12/25/23: Merry Christmas my sweet little boy,,,Love and miss you,,,XOXOXOXOXOXOXXX

10/17/24: Hi my sweet baby boy,,,,today it is 5 years without you,,,I just can't believe how long I've been without you in my life. I miss you so, so much, and hope you heard me talking to you today, and every day. I still haven't taken down your shelf,,,and still get flashes of seeing you on it, and hearing you tap on the door at meal time. The rest I won't write here, but I know you heard me and you know,,,,,. I love and miss you so much my cutie boy,,,,you will always and forever be in my heart. Love and Light my sweet baby,,,,XOXOXOXOXOXOXXX

Please also visit Brinnie, China, Comet, Ellie, Gremlin, Jasper, Jettie, Linky, Lucky, Onyx, Polo, Precious, Rambo, Sasha, Skylar, Slater, Squiggy, Tasha and Thomas.