I remember when I first got you honey. I was just 8 years old and riding my bike in the neighbor's yard. My sister called me in and had a camera in my face, and being the sassy 8 year old you knew me to be, I said, "What?!" and as I looked down I saw you for the first time. I picked you up and held you and the brightest smile came onto my face. I named you Bella. You were all mine. We were inseparable. You helped me so much baby. You helped me cope with my father issues and how he suddenly left. You were there for me. As an 8 year old little girl I didn't know how to talk about my feelings, but I didn't need to because you understood me. The day I got you I wouldn't put you down. I held you for hours. I felt an instant connection to you. I remember running around the house and playing hide n seek with you. I would throw the toy and you would go get it, then notice I was hiding, and went to find me. When you found me you would bark to let me know you saw me. It was our little game. You were the fastest little pup ever. I would take you everywhere..to the bathroom to brush my teeth, downstairs if my mom asked me to get something, Bella, we were attached at the hip. There was no Monika without Bella. I would put pretty dresses on you and play with your hair and put pigtails in. I'm not sure you really liked it but you would let me do it to just see the smile it brought me. You gave me kisses all the time, the same way I would give you kisses all the time. We did everything together. You understood me in a way nobody else did. You didn't care if I had a bad day, or if I got a B on a test, or if I was crying, you would always come and love me unconditionally. Growing up you were my only friend. You would always be in my room and we would just hang out together. We watched scary movies together. I hugged you always. I never have loved so much the way that I love you. You were there for me after my traumatic experience. You loved me no matter what. You were the reason I got through so much. Bella, you saved my life. The night that I was laying on the bathroom floor, sobbing my heart out, feeling so hopeless, I heard your little paws scratch the door to open it and you came to lay your head on my lap and crawl up next to me, you looked at me and I knew I couldn't leave you. I promised myself to stay here for you. I was holding on for you. I know you needed me the way I needed you. I miss you so much sweetheart. I cannot understand how you were happy, healthy, jumping around and we were playing with your toys that Sunday morning, and then the next day you were gone. Oh honey, I'm so honored that you waited until you were in my arms to take your last breath. You held on and waited just for me. I sat in the passenger seat, holding your body, kissing you all over your face and nose as Mom was driving and rushing to the vet. I didn't let go of you for 2 hours. I held you the whole time baby. I couldn't let go of you. I knew you were gone but I just couldn't let go. I kept giving you kisses, telling you how thankful I am for you, how you saved my life. You are my best friend Bella. Thank you for everything my sweet girl. This life without you is horrible, I wish I could hold you just one more time. This was so unexpected. We took you to the vet a couple months ago for a check up and they said that you were the healthiest 11 year old dog they have ever seen and that I was doing such a good job taking care of you. I miss you Bella. I wish you were here. You were supposed to move with me into my new apartment in a week. I love you forever Bella, always. I am forever thankful for you my sweetie and I'm forever grateful I was your person, best friend and soulmate. Thank you for making me the happiest person, thank you for saving me Bella. I love you bunches my baby, forever and always.

1/13/2022 - I miss you so much baby. I keep thinking about you all day everyday. It doesn't get easier. My heart feels empty. I miss coming home and hearing your little paws run down our steps to come greet me and jump up to be held. I miss opening a snack and seeing you run to me because you were ready to beg for it. Today before I left the house I changed your water bowl. I forgot you weren't here with me. After I realized I broke down. I went to the doctor today Bella, I'm sure you already know that since you're watching down on me. I got medication to give me more serotonin, but I'm not ready to take it yet. You were my serotonin Bella. You helped me get through depressive episodes and horrible panic attacks. I miss you more than words can describe. I can't stop thinking about how you were taken away from me just like that, no signs, nothing. You were perfectly healthy and gone the next second, I cannot understand and I'm going crazy to try to find an explanation as to why you left me so suddenly. I know you didn't want to go baby, I know. I would do anything to have you back, to hold you one more time, to feel your kisses and hear your little barks. I love you my Bella, my sweet girl. Mommy misses you so much, I'll be writing here to you, even though I constantly talk to you. I love you honey.

1/16/22- I just woke up, it's 8am and I miss you. I love you so much honey. I keep crying everyday, wishing you were here to lick my tears away and make me laugh. You always cheered me up. I'm not ready to come home today and not see you jump up on me and get excited to see me. I miss you so much Bella, this is the worst pain and I just want you here with me. My birthday is coming up and all I want is you :(

1/16/22- Hi honey, I came home a couple hours ago and I broke down into tears when I realized you weren't here to greet me at the door and have the zoomies to see me. I miss you sweetheart. Thank you for creating a beautiful sunset last night. I know that was you, we used to chase sunsets together. The house is so empty without you my sweetie. I love you always my sweetheart.

1/24/22- Hi baby bella, i miss you dearly. i moved into my new apartment and it was very difficult. you were supposed to move in with me, that was our plan. it's so difficult going into the lobby and seeing others with their pets. i really wish that was us. everyday is so hard without you. why did you have to leave me so early? it's not fair. i planned the next 5 years of my life with you in it. i would look for pet friendly apartments so you could come move with me. i miss you so much bella, i just want to hold you again please. i miss you more than life. i love you.

1/31/22- Hi my sweetheart. My birthday was two days ago and I haven't cried this hard on my birthday ever. I missed you so much. I missed blowing out my candles with you. All day I couldnt stop thinking about you, honey. On friday night a dog ran to me in the hallway and once it was just stephen and I, I started crying so hard. I miss you so much Bella, words cant even explain the amount of pain im continuously in. I miss you so much it hurts so bad. I wish I could bring you back, I wanted this life for us more than anything. I was so excited to have you with me in the new apartment. I cant grasp the fact that I will never be able to hold and kiss your head again. Its 3 weeks without you and im still so angry, theres nothing more in this entire life i want more than you with me. i love you honey, always and forever.

2/1/22 - Hi honey! I miss you so much. Today was a warmer day and I kept thinking about how much you wouldve loved it. I miss taking you on our daily walks and playing in the snow together. This week has been harder, I just wish I could hold you again. Your ashes are coming home tomorrow, you'll finally be with me again. I miss you baby. Mommy loves you forever.

2/13/22- Hi baby! I miss you so much and this week I've cried every day thinking about you. You showed up in my dreams last night for the first time since you passed. It was nice feeling your comfort. In my dream you were at my new apartment with me, it was so nice. It hurt waking up today realizing it was just a dream. Oh my dearest bella, I miss you so so so much and the pain just keeps getting worse. I wish i could hold you and kiss your head. I love you bella, so much, more than you know <3

2/14/22- Happy Valentine's honey<3 i love you forever. you're the love of my life and my best friend. this first valentines day without you was so hard. i miss you sweetie, so much.

2/22/22 - happy twos day bella! i love you so so so much sweetheart. i still think about you all the time. i brought your blanket with me to my new apartment and sleep with it now. i miss you so much honey. the other day it was super warm out and i thought about taking you to the dog park. oh my sweetest girl bella, i wish i could hold you one more time. i wish i could feel your kisses and hear your little barks and see your tail wag as i came home. i miss you<3 i love you forever.

3/1/22- Hi honey! I miss you dearly. I wish I could hold you one more time. I wish I knew it was your time to go so I could have spent that last day holding you all day. I miss you bella. I wear you on my necklace and I wear it all day everyday. I start freaking out if I think that I have misplaced it. I love you bella, forever and always. Words cant explain how much I miss you so dearly. You are my forever best friend and soulmate <3 I love you so so so much. Mommy misses you so dearly. I love you i love you i love you.

4/1/22- Happy Birthday Baby!!! I love you more than life. This morning I woke up and cried soo much because I just wanted to hold you and wish you a happy birthday. I keep looking back at all of the pictures I've taken on your birthday with you cupcakes, donuts, etc. I always loved singing you happy birthday and blowing out your candle with you :) Mommy misses you so much and I love you so so much. I think about you every single day and I talk to you every day too. Im home from college now and everytime I come home it just feels empty without you here. I get so excited pulling in the driveway to see you and then I remember that you're not going to be there to greet me and jump on me. I love you bella, so much, i always will. Happy Birthday honey, you would have been 12 years old today. <3 i love you forever.

5/5/22- Hi my sweet girl. I wear the necklace of you every single day. I miss you so much. I'm moving back home in 2 weeks and I'm so nervous, I don't know how I'll be able to do summer without you. I wish i could hold you again and take you on a walk and play hide and seek with you and run with you. i wish i could see you have your zoomies again. its hard talking about you. anytime someone asks my voice cracks and i burst into tears. youre my other half and always will be. im going to get my tattoo of your pawprint once im back home and i cant wait!! you'll be with me forever<3 you mean so much to me bella. i love you so much and im always thinking about you. i miss you. its so hard without you here. its almost been 4 months and i dont even know how. i want you to come back :( i love you forever<333

6/6/22- Hi my baby. Mommy just wants to say hi :) Oh how much I miss you my sweet girl. I always hug your blanket and lay next to your bed when I'm having a rough day. Diesel came over and snagged one of your toys, I know how much that would've pissed you off. I miss you so much Bella. I just want to hug you again. It's almost been 5 months and its so hard. This semester I stressed myself out so hard and im so tired from everything, i miss you baby bella. i love you more than life <3

6/10/22 - Hi my baby, its been 5 months without you here today. I miss you more than life my sweet girl. Always thinking of you. I love you with everything in me my sweetheart <3

10/10/22- Hi my love, its been 9 months without you today. Its been so rough and I've lost the motivation to keep going, to eat, to just live. I had a full on breakdown yesterday all day, even in the library here at school. You mean everything to me, I wish I could just know that you're okay. I miss you more than words can express. I brought your ashes with me yesterday to my new apartment. I wish you could always be there. I miss you so much sweetie. I wish I could just get 5 more minutes with you, holding you, kissing you and hugging you.. I miss you so much it really hurts everyday to keep going and nobody really understands it, so I keep it to myself. I wish you were here. I love you with everything in me my sweet girl. Until we meet again and can never be separated every again. I love you, forever and always. <3

11/11/22 - Hi my sweet girl, its been 10 months without you and it hurts everyday. I miss you so much. I wish I could hold you again. I love you so much I still can't believe you're gone. It has been getting harder reaching the anniversary of the day you left. I miss you and love you forever, I always think of you <3

1/18/22- Hi my baby:) I miss you so much. 8 days ago was 1 entire year without you. It's been so hard. I looked at photos and videos of you all day, I always do. I miss you so much. Im so thankful for you and everything you gave me. Im so blessed to have experienced your companionship. I cant wait to be with you again. Im getting a tattoo in remembrance of you soon! Im thinking your paw prints or your birthday. Also, thanks for the sign of you the other week! The tinsel in my apartment at school even though we haven't had tinsel since you ate it!! Always thinking of you my sweet Bella, I love you forever. <3

12/18/23- Hi my sweet girl. I miss you so much. I think of you and miss you every single day. I wish you were here but I know we'll eventually meet again! You were my best friend for my entire life, you gave me the best 12 years ever! You're my soul dog and you were the best dog ever. It's almost been two years without you and I don't even know how. I miss you every single day my bella boo. I'm graduating college in 1 semester and I wish you were here so we could move to the city together and be city girls, you would've loved that. Thank you for all the love you gave me and for being by my side forever. I love and miss you forever <3